Monday, July 12, 2010

Sorry Doesn't Seem to be the Hardest Word


I am a terrible Catholic. I don't go to church (haven't been in about 10 years). I don't go to confession or necessarily eat fish on fridays. Every year, I do give up something for Lent [Tangent: I do it more as a practice in restraint and have successfully been able to give up cursing and impulse shopping...at least for 40 days and 40 nights.] but I don't get ashes to begin the practice or celebrate an overly Jesusy Easter [Jesusy Easter= going to church; Non Jesusy Easter= getting super exciting about the abundance of chocolate covered marshmallow eggs.]

However, I have the guilt and ability to ask for forgiveness down to a fine art. Its my vice. I apologize profusely for everything even things that are no way my fault. If you hold the door for me- I will likely say "sorry." If there is a line at a restaurant I will say "sorry." If you tell me to stop apologizing, I will immediately respond "sorry." It's something other people have always noticed about me, but I never noticed about myself until a few years ago- when those aforementioned people decided to call me out on it saying "Kimmie, you really need to stop."

I know when you are little and you do something wrong (example: throwing a bottle of nail polish remover at your sister's head or punching your brother in the crotch for relentlessly impersonating your buckteeth), you are immediately told to apologize for your actions...I think my parents did too good a job on this moral lesson. To my defense, I have always had to use that term a lot, so much so that it has become reflex. You see I have a hidden, yet to be formally diagnosed disability- I have no internal filter. I was once even told that I must not have an internal monologue because all my thoughts come out.


I am trying to get better with it, so I have vowed to, beginning today, stop apologizing (for a week...lets not get hasty).*

*sorry this blog was kinda boring....dammit!

4 comments:

  1. I read it - burst out laughing - re-read it and burst out laughing again. It is so "you".

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  2. I think you should give up apologizing for Lent.

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  3. I think a new term is " Recovering Catholic ".

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  4. Occasionally, when I make a faux pas of some kind, my folks ask me if you've apologized for it yet. This makes me smile.

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