Friday, August 6, 2010

TFLY: Volume 2

Disclaimer: I hope you liked the Texts From Last Year post from yesterday. If not, too bad- you are going to have to endure 2 more days of it. This is all to satisfy my urge to hold onto things that most people would erase. As Melissa Joan Heart said in one of my favorite cheesy teen films Can't Hardly Wait, "These are moments frozen in time, people!" [Tangent: How douchey is the above t-shirt website model on a 1-10 scale?]

Christmas party hosted by white people: veggie pasta. salad. tray with eggplant/feta/hearts of palm/black olives/grape leaves; tabouli; chicken skewers and quiches. I like white poeple christmas parties.

I was really hoping for the dogs in clogs or the turtles in girdles calendar. I also hear good things about the ponies eating coneys or pigs in wigs...but thanks anyway [After sending out the picture below]

Well, Don't hold your breath all the way. I don't think you have the lung capacity and you might African American out. 

OMG. The house is clean. Is Barrack coming this weekend?

I love a Nigerian that can sing country

Funny...right before I read your text I had just finished spelling Werewolf for one of my students who wanted to write her essay about Taylor Lautner. The prompt: Who would you nominate to be on a postage stamp? Also MLK...because apparently he freed the slaves according to 7th graders.

Wow. You just said Light skinneded. You are a black girl. I always knew it.

Creeper at Wal-Mart just asked me what would I do if I woke up in the morning and was the devil. I don't even know what to do with that question.

OMG! Sadly inspiring set of twins on So You Think You Can is in a wheelchair and the other one says he dances for both of them...awwwww.

Trivial Pursuit ain't got shit on Kim, please. I got your Talk Soup. More dirt than TMZ. Like Kim Jonez on Halloween you never know what she gonna go as. Like a Sailboat Mag....she's all over the row-ads. <---from my favorite Puerto Rican Rapper

Josh just told me that my doppelganger is Angelica Pickles from Rugrats.

On Ellen's impromptu costume contest some guy (bearded I might add) dressed up as the octomom but one of his kids had escaped and was traveling in a balloon over Colorado....and he had one of the babies attached to a silver baloon. Now- thats a costume.

Reason #289429879528 you should be watching the 4th hour of the today show: Kathie lee just told Hoda that she had a 5 oclock shadow.

Ok pal...Don't call me Chief. I am not an Indian Chief. I am not a Kansas City Chief. I am not the chief of police. I am not even a chef which I sometime misspell. I am also not a Kaiser Chief...though that would be kinda cool.

Bear Grylls of Man vs Wild fame just instructed that if trapped on a desert island, make a raft lined with 20-40 plastic jugs for buoyancy, depending on your weight, to get you to safety. This seems only practical if you are washed up on a landfill or traveling with recyle-ables.

Richard Head, MD Family practice- just saw the sign while driving down Harding Road.

What kind of training are you in? For stripping? I had no idea Christie's had a wheelchair night. I mean its a niche market I never considered. Whatever you do- keep the dream alive. keep dancing.

Just saw an elderly man with a shirt on that said "in da club". Where can I sign up for this?

BTW- last night Charlie was very concerned with where you sleep. She said she hoped you had somewhere to stretch out your legs so you could be comfortable. She was concerned about you sleeping in your chair.

Degrassi Marathon on the N! My ass is parked here all day. How Sad.

Watching a show displaying the tragic side of comedy- drugs, suicide, sarcadasia, murder. I have some concerns about your burgeoning comedy career.

The return of 'Lets Make a Deal?' Finally all your dreams have come true, and there's validation for carrying around paperclips, dental floss and toenail clippers in your purse.

Somehow got caught up in the Bratz movie. To be honest, very enjoyable so far.

You know what else was lame? FDR. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Check out this lady...its you in 30 years. 

....To be Continued. 


  1. Amazing. I know why you keep these texts...and also who your favorite Puerto Rican rapper is. I could post many a blog entries full of completely insane emails from him alone... As for the douchey-ness of that shirt, I give it an 8.

  2. Look at the waist of Shirt Model Bro-Guy!
    It's teeny! He has a Hepburn waist! But that's the only thing classy about him.


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