Monday, September 20, 2010

The Most Wonderful time of the year.

Yesterday I was driving to Sportsman's to show everyone that I was finally  on the road to feeling better, and on the way there (which is a 3 mile drive at the most), I passed not one but two gratuitous displays of Halloween decor. I am not simply referring to a jack o' lantern or even a flag with some kind of jolly vampire on it, that was likely purchased from a Lillian Vernon catalog. [Tangent: I am not even sure if those publications still exist...but the obnoxious seasonal flags do. I do know my mom got them religiously because once she ordered ballerina jewelry boxes out of them for me and my sister. However I think they really cater to the grandmother set who enjoyed buying their loved ones things they neither want nor need if they are over the age of 10, all with your name embroidered on it. i.e. color blocked thermal lunch tote (personalization optional); throw with gorgeous running horses (personalization optional);  matching his and hers beach towels (personalization optional).] The displays I encountered included lights, ghosts hanging from trees and blow up pumpkins with Snoopy atop them. The latter of which enrages me. I am not a fan of inflatable seasonal decor, but the rest is fine by me.

I started to get really excited, I mean, Halloween is my favorite holiday. [Tangent: This will become painfully evident in future blogs before October 31st.] I pictured leaves falling and me in a scarf and some really cute stocking and boot combo, drinking cocoa on a hayride and then scrambling around to get the pieces for a perfect costume. All the while, I would be breathing in that burning pumpkin and dead leave smell that for some reason I find some intoxicating. [OK, lets be honest, this scenario is fictitious- who opts to wear a skirt instead of pants when going on a hayride?]

Nevertheless, I was excited and immediately started narrowing down my three costume options that I have concocted since November 1st of last year. I then I realized that its still mid-September and still 90 degrees. I was suddenly pissed at the people in my neighborhood for giving me false hopes that Halloween is around the corner, when in actuality, its hypothetical blocks away. The good people at Target share my resentment for making me look at pet costumes for 15 minutes today before realizing that I have several weeks to make the tough decision between dressing Newman as a hot dog or a turtle. [Tangent: No,  before the judgement that I am a weird dog lady sets in, Newman will likely not don a costume this year. He doesn't even like wearing a harness. Newmie's a nudist and will not be rocking these looks below, much to my disappointment.]
I guess the way I will truly know the joy of Halloween is upon us is when my next door neighbors begin their display, which if history serves will be the first of October. They make gigantic spiders out of leaf filled garbage bags and drainage piping and hang life-size witches from their trees. Its like a mash-up between old timey Salem and the awful David Arquette abomination of a film, Eight Legged Freaks. Its very jarring. My father thinks their lack of taste boils down to them being Republicans (that's daddy for ya!). At least they aren't rushing the season.


  1. hey kimmie - it's brianne. i had to comment on this because i totally think those are my relatives that do the spiders! and they ARE republicans. you're the smartest girl ever. HILARIOUS. i really hope it's them :)

  2. I hand out individual wrapped pieces of cheese and religious pamphlets.
    Palin / Satan 2012


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