Sunday, November 14, 2010

how my 24-year-old self viewed life.

Disclaimer: Today I found this entry in my documents folder. Written only about 4 years ago, it had gotten completely eternal sunshined from my mind. Although it really isn't all that interesting, I reread it today and wanted to share [Tangent: I am fairly certain it was supposed to be the introductory entry for a blog I never started. Pardon the ridiculous font usage- I am not sure why I thought that was a good idea.]...

A very wise Discovery Channel special about cavemen and the wooly mammoth once said “When going on a journey, there is either the chance for discovery or complete oblivion.” Post college, I was convinced that discovery was on the horizon, but not so much. Oblivion seems much closer a description. Hmmm..lets see. Checklist of the pathetic existence of a 24 year old: no car, no boyfriend, co-habitating with the parents. On top of all these factors, I perform a job a monkey could do, but would probably get paid more that $7.84 for because hell, they’re a freakin monkey and that would be fun to watch!

But people seem to enjoy my stories, so I figure why not share my journal. Surely I am not the only one enveloped in what the angsty poet lauriat, John Mayer, might refer to as “a quarter life crisis.”

Oh yeah…I am in a wheelchair, but that is neither here nor there. I think I have always felt on some kind of track…and now I just feel like I am waiting for a bus, but I don’t know what the bus number is. Also, by the way, I refuse to ride a short bus, so I have to wait a long ass time to find a regular bus, that just happens to have a wheelchair ramp. [Tangent: I think my fuzzy logic is losing you…just know that my life is remarkably lame. Then why would I want to read her lame ass ramblings? Well, I think richness lies in simplicity and the minutiae of everyday life. You may disagree…but you are reading this…so I am guessing you at least are partially intrigued…GOTCHA!]

I often have the sneaking suspicion that much like the Royal Tenenbaum children, I peaked too early in life. I do not feel alone in this though. Today while working at a certain overpriced lingerie store, that rhymes with Mictoria’s Pecret, I spotted another lady that I can only assume peaked too early in life. The difference is, I am 24 and this lady had to be in her mid 5os. However, I am almost certain, that she did not know that she peaked way earlier in life…in fact, I know that she still was under the misguided assertion that she was the hottest shit in town. 

Let me paint a picture- her skin was the color that one can only achieve by daily visits to the mystic tan or by gorging oneself on beta keratin for years on end. Her hair cut into a very 80s dutch boy hairstyle in platinum blonde. Her eyebrows very reminiscent of Divine from the John Waters movies and her lipstick, of course, a very frosty pink. Thank God that she had her hot pink sunglasses, hot pink Chanel bag and her hot pink 4 inch wedge heels to top of the look. Otherwise, she might have looked silly.


  1. This sounds remarkably like where this particular 24-year-old is right now. I am a Tenenbaum. And you, my dear, are a Prophetess.

  2. I thought I was 27 the entire year that I was 24. True story.


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