Monday, November 22, 2010

who has 2 thumbs and has written 50 blogs? this girl!

Yesterday as I was posting my love letter to Latvia [Tangent: To further prove my nerdiness, let it be known I got super jazzed that within 24 hours of posting, I had not only gotten comments from a Latvian, but one that was correcting my misinformation of Latvian culture.], I noticed that I was on the verge of 50 blogs. Good Lord. I really didn't see this milestone coming. This blog is not really something I saw as a lasting endeavor, but it came to me at a good time in my life when I needed a bit of consistent distraction. Thanks, internet, for validating me. [Tangent: Afterall, one of my favorite funny women, Diablo Cody, started out as a blogger and she has an maybe its not all a big waste of time.]

I was trying to think of what would be a good topic for my "golden" blog and nothing seemed worthy. After much consternation, I settled on an homage to some of the blogs that I have somehow stumbled upon and that have been the makings of many a facebook posting or mass email. [Tangent: This stroke of genius inspiration befell me yesterday afternoon. My friend Beth and I were celebrating Gimp Squad Sabbath Coffee, when she looked up at me and offhandedly said, "Goodness, your hair is long. You look like a senior picture." We both laughed til we were both nearly incontinent because I knew kind of what she meant, sort of. Every girl (except me) had ridiculous long hair when they were seniors in high school, swept over one shoulder with a pearl necklace and the classic black drape. I had my laptop handy so I quickly google image searched senior pictures to see if her assessment was accurate. This frantic googling led me to my inspiration for this blog:!]

Although many of my friends and loved ones blog away brilliantly, (I appropriately highlight them in the "blogs I love" section) there are many in the blog-o-verse that warrant a silent fan girl shriek because their blogs are so ridiculous or brilliant or ridiculously brilliant that I cannot contain my enthusiasm any longer.  My term for these sites are "time sucks" because once typing in the URL, I am pulled into a strong vortex where I can't be bothered with my day to day activities, and I must tell everyone I know about the treasure that I have found. Whether they be Tumblr, Wordpress or Blogspot users, I won't discriminate- I just want to shake their hand and tell them, "You're Awesome."
*an artist's rendering of what my award would look like- kind of janky, I know.

This blog is brilliant in so many capacities, and I cannot look at it without having my breathing hindered due to hilarity. I feel angry at myself for not learning about this blog sooner, because it seems like the cooler cousin of awkward family photos. Being that I am a sucker for neurotic details, extra adulation and kudos should be given for the subcategories located in the margins narrowing it down by occasion, backdrop or styling choices. If you only have a few minutes, check out the following sections:

Laser background (I am really disappointed my elementary school never used one of these galactic backdrops.)
'Staches?? (an homage to the everpopular DTM- dirty teenage moustache.)
Double Exposure
Glamour (spoiler alert: you'll see a feather boa or two)
...and Renzo's faves (the greatest hits of Sexy People!)

Admission: I have actually written a fan letter to the creator of this blog because it made me so euphorically happy. I might add that she replied, so that scored her an infinite amount of cool points. If you were ever an avid reader of The Babysitters Club as a child- you will appreciate this writer's niche: She writes about the popular books focusing with laser backdropped precision on the outfits worn by the zany fashionista of the Stoneybrook crew, Claudia Kishi. Yeah, that's specific...specifically amazing. Here is a little taste:

"She believes clothes should do more than cover our bodies and keep us warm. Instead, she sees dressing as one more creative outlet, and it shows. She always looks fabulous, and she never looks just like everyone else. She'll pair a long white shirt with a colorful vest, accessorize with handmade jewelry, pull her hair up into an outrageous ponytail, and look like a million dollars."

Girl slow down. What the heck is an outrageous ponytail? Is she wearing a Jem & the Holograms scrunchie? And where are her pants?

In my humble opinion, if the internet ceased to be tomorrow, it would have all been worthwhile due to this site alone (forget social networking, distribution of information or watching men get kicked in the crotch on youtube). It has also changed my vernacular- because now something doesn't "resemble" something else, it "totally looks like." [Tangent: As if I needed help sounding like a valley girl. That nice white upper class upbringing didn't skew me in that direction or anything...] If you appreciate this, I have a sinking feeling this site will also be up your alley. Prepare to "lollerskate" or fall victim to the dreaded "lollacaust."
It goes without saying that this would make my list- mostly because it combines two of my favorite things, making fun of hipsters and adorable puppies. My favorite captions: "measle still cringes whenever she has to use the word 'jeggings'" and "chet heard you watched the vmas and can’t sigh loud enough." I have also tried desperately to get my dog and my sister's dog to get their shot at internet celebrity per this site. Since I have come up short both times, I present to you hipster Newman and hipster Andre, because it is my belief that the world needs to see how pathetic I am. 

 *Andre hasn't shopped at a WalMart in 4 years, not because of their shady business practices, but because they don't offer Icees in their food courts.
 *Newman truly believes he is the only tortured artist in his beginner's still life at The Learning Annex.


  1. Congrats on the Golden Blog. I roflcoptered. That's the second time you've brought me to the cusp of continence in approximately 24 hours. Well done, Jones, well done.

  2. True story: Sexypeople-blog is blocked in Saudi Arabia. Please petition the writer to change the address to something without the word "sexy" in it so that those of us in the land of less-than-free-speech can enjoy the hilarity.

  3. Andre was very excited about being featured in your blog.....almost as excited as he was about his blog debut on some creepy old dude's website featuring candid shots of adorable dogs in and around the Chattanooga area....but that was year's ago. And since the obvious snub from the Hipster Puppy people, he is in need of some exposure. I dare say that he is ready to resurface. On behalf of Andre, thank you.

  4. that was a lot of words.


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