Wednesday, December 1, 2010

a festival of lights...and awesome.

When I was in college, I invented an unnerving past time, which has single-handedly  ruined many songs for those I  have shared it with, because now they can no longer hear their favorite tunes without also hearing my lyrical tweak. The trick: Take any song that says the word "You" in the title (or heavily peppered throughout the chorus) and change it to "Jew." [Tangent: It sounds stupid, but as in life, a  schmeckle of Hebrew-ana makes all things more palatable.] It all started when that Jessica Simpson song "With You" was really popular and basically has continued on ever since.

To prove my theory, I filtered my itunes with the word "You" and these were just a few of the results:
  • I and Love and Jew
  • Girl, I wanna lay Jew down
  • Mad about Jew
  • All I want is Jew
  • Say Jew, Say Me
  • Without Jew
  • I Turn to Jew
  • Do Jew Realize? 
  • Stay, I missed Jew
  • I wanna Sex Jew up

With that out of the way, I thought why not blog about one of my favorite unturned stones, Jewish culture, especially being that today is the first day of Chanukkah! [Tangent: I had to double check how to spell the holiday, knowing well that there are about 77 different ways to spell it just me or does the silent C make it sound extra Heb-centric? ]

Being that I have a little crushy crushy on any guy that looks like Jesus, I have  said for years I will likely marry a Jewish fella, and now it is the running joke in my friend groups. I hypothesize my Bible belt upbringing has only fueled my Jewcentricity. I never really knew any growing up so to me they were like mythical creatures, Jewnicorns if you will.  [Tangent: A shrink might say that I seek to further marginalize myself but making myself a super minority...because the epitome of Hebrew Hotness in my book would be a black Jewish person. Yum...Lenny Kravitz. (I bet you thought I was gonna say Sammy Davis, Jr., you were incorrect ] As someone that really enjoys heritage and cultural identity,  I also like the idea of being a part of some kind of group that wears jaunty hats and uses fun yiddish phrases. Oy vey, the idea of celebrating Chris-makuh is also ridiculously appealing. There really is no downside in my book. 

*See...he and I clearly share a love of scarves, 
although that just looks like a ratty t-shirt McGuyver'd into neckwear. Whatever.

Darn Semi-Catholicism for getting in the way of my fun. Would it help to say that I'm almost positive I am at least a little Jewish? My mom is a Pollack after all...and how would one explain my strange fear of the Holocaust.

Well, hopefully I have significantly horrified all of you for the I will leave you with this link, which my friend Beth shared with me today: 8 Jewish Hunks: One For Every Night Of Hannukah



  1. Did you just coin the word "jewnicorn"? Awesome... I am half-Jewish (some ecards practically has a whole section for us) and raised in the part of the Bible belt where Catholics are mythological creatures, too.

  2. yes. thats a trademarked original.

  3. You are quite the shikse, miss Jones. In recognition of your chutzpah, I bring you a mash-up of two of your favorite things, your you/Jew exchange and 90s Pop:

    "You're all I ever wanted
    You're all I ever needed
    So tell me what to do now (cause)
    I want. Jew. Back."


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