Sunday, December 12, 2010

I needed a little Christmas...right that very minute

T minus 2 weeks till the jolly holiday that the media keeps enforcing should be a snuggly warm time of year. I am trying to not be cynical and believe the hype.  It is taking every ounce of effort in my body to get all holly jolly, despite the repeated kicks in the groin fate has bestowed upon me week after week in 2010. [Tangent: I have always been Captain Optimism, but Murphy's Law is live and in effect for my family... and I am about ready to find this "Murphy" and give him an old fashioned bitch slap.]

To put it simply, this year the Christmas spirit is not coming naturally. I feel like a Heinz ketchup bottle, I am waiting for the spirit to come, but its being extremely resistant [Tangent: I really hate this, because some of my favorite childhood memories are Christmas focused. I remember when my sister had heel cord surgery a few days before Christmas. My brothers carried me and Kelly, coated from toe to hip in heavy plaster casts, from the bedroom to the den so we could all check out our presents as a united front at the wee hour of 4 am. I remember how my Dad used to always read us 'Twas the Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve every year. I remember us all piling into the ol wood panelled Jeep Wagoneer the day after Christmas to head to North Carolina, where my Granny Jones would give us the standard issue gift of a tube of toothpaste and a $1 bill.  I remember getting a little girl of the Angel Tree with mom every year. Every year the same conundrum...what ethnicity Barbie? We didn't want be racial in our charitable giving.]  Because of this, I feel the need to give my spirit a wee nudge and/or a swift kick in the ass because something needs to occur before my heart becomes 2 sizes too small.

This weekend, I took the reins [Tangent: Unfortunate pun intended.], and decided...I AM GOING TO HAVE SOME SPIRIT, DAMMIT!

Yesterday I overdosed a bit on Christmas cheer. I started the day going to the Dicken's Christmas festival in a neighboring town. It basically boils down to local vendors selling their goods wearing period costumes. Carols being sung...clydesdales toting children...chestnuts roasting...a man in a top hat and waist coat drinking out of a starbucks cup. Authenticity is not the important part. The important part is that me along with my dear newly heart surgerized mother endured a torrential downpour and a clusterf*** of a parking situation to instill some much needed glee...and it worked. I was starting to see the red and green and jingle bells appear inside.

Then last night I took part in a mini Santa Rampage pub crawl [Tangent: I took part in the rampage with some coworkers last year and its fast becoming a favorite tradition.  Basically a bunch of people get together dressed as Santa and ambush local bars en mass. The key goals: drinking and merriment. This year we staged a mini rampage and descended upon the Cool Springs area and then some of our party went on to join the Nashville festivities...not this lady because I'm old and wanted to be home before midnight. I know...I know. LAME. ] The key to the evening was "spreading joy" whether it be by performing elaborate dance routines to Summer of '69 to a bar full of dumbfounded individuals or by handing out candy canes and condoms to the bar keeps.

2009 Rampage

I was Dr. Santa. Scrubs + boots+ Santa hat + stethoscope.
 Rampage 2010

...and I was Rudolph. I'm prancing, naturally.
Mother nature must have known I needed all the help I could get in removing my inner scrooge, and to help me get a boost she is currently coating my yard with snowflakes. [Tangent: At least as much as it can for Tennessee.] Its the motivation I need to help mom set up the tree, and start blasting the Victoria's Secret: A Very Sexy Christmas CD. [Tangent: Try not to was $1 and it features Smashing Pumpkins doing carols. Whats not to love?] Thanks Mother Nature, Santa Rampage and Dickension characters in rain ponchos- you are my ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

1 comment:

  1. If I was going to steal Christmas, I would tie a single antler to your head with a piece of string, and entrust you to pull my sleigh full of hot loot up to the crest of Mount Crumpet.


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