Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I'm sporty...I promise.

My guy friends always make fun for my lack of know how on a regular basis. For a girl that is not super girly and will cuss like a sailor if prevoked, they are usually pissed that I can't be a total boy with them and keep up with sports [Tangent: The 10% are the olympics and some hockey and baseball games]. Sports are on my periphery, but I have more pressing issues like American Idol's new format/judges and the upcoming Oscar nominations. I enjoy sports. I promise... I do, but it has to be a big game or a game I am actually watching live for me to care who wins or loses. If a game is being watched in a social setting,  I usually pick a side based on something arbitrary like the font they use in their logo or if their mascots could actually beat each other in a cage match scenario. [Ex: A bear could certainly dominate a packer...hence I would root for 'da bears (and don't pretend that wouldn't be fun to watch). Also...in baseball I always root against The Washington Nationals if they are playing, because their logo is identical to the "W" in Walgreen's . Drugstores generally don't scream macho. ]

This just makes me want to go pick up my prescriptions...not eat hot dog.

The other day I was sitting at the bar to see my best friend and get out of the house for a while. In between chit chat, I got distracted by the Jets/Patriots game on one of the TVs. Since I was staring so intently [Tangent: This is probably on account of the fact that I am still wearing an ancient eyeglass prescription and couldn't tell entirely what was on the screen.], one of my fellow familiar faces asked me who I was rooting for. I immediately said, "I guess the Jets. Really anyone but the Patriots.  I can't stand Tom Brady."

This strongly worded statement would make it appear that I am a enormous fan of pro football, and thankfully didn't warrant any follow up questions.  The truth is, I know nothing of the Patriots. I don't like Tom Brady [...and thus the New England Patriots] for the following reasons:

  • Tom Brady was terrible when he hosted Saturday Night Live...not funny at all.  I would say this is the curse of all athletes who can't hack it on improvisational live TV...but Peyton Manning and Charles Barkley were hilarious. That argument no longer holds water. [Tangent: I used to really dislike Peyton Manning because I am nearly always a backer of the underdog, and I felt he won too much. Then he hosted SNL, and actually pulled it off. My perception changed immediately.]
  • Tom Brady is ridiculously attractive and is married to a Victoria's Secret model who also fits that description. I don't think he needs another super bowl victory to add to make his life even more awesome. People shouldn't have it all. You can't be drop dead handsome and a superhuman athlete with bushels of endorsement deals. PICK ONE, TOMMY BOY!  [Tangent: I happen to know he has won MVP at least a couple times because the Super Bowl is one of the handful of games that I actually watch...don't be fooled.]
I am not alone in my assessment of Mr. Brady. If you type, "Why is Tom Brady such a Douche?" in Yahoo answers, you will see 23 computer chair quarterbacks are currently debating this same topic.

Amid my Brady bashing, my best friend interrupted me from the bar, "Um, Kimmie...do you just like the Jets because you love West Side Story?" 

I would have been truly offended had she not been at least partially correct. Foiled again. I can't pull off sporty, but I can pull of jazz hands. I know...you're shocked.

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