Saturday, January 15, 2011

whats my sign again?

Damn. Now I want a scorpion wearing a fedora

Good god...not since Chris Brown beat up Rhianna have I had every single conversation I attempt to have somehow evolve into something topical that is permeating the media. This week's culprit- The changing of the astrological signs. It happens everywhere I turn. This topic is broached at every corner: at work, when I am out with friends at the bar or even on facebook, aka my source for news [Tangent: add my blog to that list]. 

All this conversation is sparked mostly because no one fully understands what the hell is going on, and as in most cases, one dill weed forges a crack pot theory and suddenly his word is bond. [Tangent: It's kinda like how everyone swears that their cousin/uncle/grandpa/babysitter/friend with benefits ate at Taco Bell in the 90's and found a cockroach egg in it. These urban legends cause a red scare.] So, is there a new sign? Does it apply to us? Is it only good if you were born after 2009? Does this mean the end is nigh?

I can't act holier than thou, I know nothing about astronomy or astrology. [Tangent: I really love looking at the stars and think they are pretty on a clear night...but I have no concept of the universe and its origins and all that jazz. Although I consider myself to be pretty intelligent, it still seems too big and abstract for me to fully grasp. Oh well. I guess I will go back to watching my Daniel Tosh Standup special.] I do know that I am a Scorpio, and I like my sign because it makes me seem like a passionate bad ass. It also makes me seem very complicated, and I feel as if I am complex as a 10 piece puzzle. On days when I am feeling completely lame, eating hummus while watching Sister Act 2 for the 10,000th time- I need that little reminder of what's at my core.  I do not like the idea of having to be a Libra, not that there's anything wrong with that. I just feel like it would be like living your life feeling like you are part of a superhero family until you are in your late 20's and suddenly finding out that you're adopted.

Not bad...but I don't know that I want to give up the fedora'd scorp for an effeminate set of scales with man boobs.
To clear up this sudden identity crisis, I decided instead of watching experts debate it on MSNBC, I would just look on the internet [Tangent: And not the fancy dancy science sites either, because that only confused me further. Science was never my bag.] I finally found a site that gave me some kind of answer.   Basically to summarize- it said, "False yam what you yam."

Now that that hoopla is over, I can once again feel like I am doing justice to my sun sign. I think its safe to say that we can all get back to what's important- the fact that the golden voiced homeless man is back in rehab.

1 comment:

  1. I am Opichuchus. I feel special for getting the 'brand new' one. Apparently this sign is based on a real person-an ancient Greek healer called Imhotep.

    In case you didn't notice, the old-school doc happens to have the same name as the evil Pharaoh who comes back undead in the Mummy (no relation).

    [And yes, I agree that I should not be able to recall references involving Brendan Fraser so quickly.]


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