Wednesday, February 16, 2011

cobain and cyrus...what could have been...

these reek of class and friendship.

I read Entertainment Weekly with the same level of daily obligation that some reserve for their holy books. I have subscribed to it for about 5 years, and log onto pretty regularly because  lets face it..their TV recaps are spot-on and hilarious. [Tangent: Ass kissing much? OK...maybe. On the off in Siberia chance that someone with the publication is reading this, I want them to fully understand my devotion...and perhaps offer me a job. I would happily clean the toilets for them, if they so desired.] On The Today Show this morning, I heard the breaking news that Billy Ray Cyrus isn't happy with the road young Miley is going down and regrets pushing her into the biz. [Tangents: Other regrets ol' BR should have include mullets, muscle shirts and that terrible flava sava facial hair that he refuses to put to bed. But seriously, I could have told you years ago that she was becoming a bad seed when she came into Victoria's Secret and yelled at her mom in the middle of the Pink department, or when I saw her at Wal-Mart in a micro mini with her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend (she was not of legal age). Not cool. Hannah Montana. Not cool.] Because I only caught the tail end of the news story, I felt provoked to check EW on my break at work...and that is where I found some earth-shattering news within their Billy Ray expose. Please read the following passage and I dare your mind not to reel.

In an odd addendum, he compares his daughter’s struggles in the spotlight to those of the late Kurt Cobain, with whom he had an unlikely friendship in the early ’90s: “He was one of those guys that became a friend to me that I never expected. We met at a venue one night and I was standing in the shadows, 1 a.m. in the morning, and he’s ‘Hey man, congratulations — you pissed the whole world off.’ We shook hands, and I said, ‘Thanks, man… I love what you all do.’” He says that the pair bonded over their young daughters, and that Cobain was one of the few not to ostracize him at an awards ceremony during his Achy Breaky” days.
Everytime I read it, I giggle uncontrollably a little bit because he is comparing Miley to Cobain, and also because it is a buddy cop show waiting to happen. As I bill processed at work all day, my mind kept darting about, [Tangent: This could be due to my ill conceived breakfast of break room coffee and Sudafed.] thinking of what could have been. What would have happened if Mr. Cobain hadn't burned out...and had instead faded away into music obscurity (the very thing he feared), and he and Billy Ray had continued their friendship?

my photoshop skills at work to make my dream a reality.

Aside from the obligatory VH1 Celebreality show and episode of CMT Crossroads, I feel the two would pursue a duet [Tangent: My personal dream would be an angsty, yet somehow upbeat cover of the Elton John and Kiki Dee classic, "Don't Go Breakin' my Heart."]. Although I feel it would go over like a lead balloon, as did that weird Nelly/Tim McGraw duet from a while back.

If Cobain was still with us, maybe he would have done like the cool kids [Cool kids = Ben Folds, Jack White and Nicole Kidman] and settled in Nashvegas so the fame monster didn't devour him. That way he and Billy Ray could have raised their kids in harmony. Frances Bean, Miley and that other Cyrus daughter that has a kid's lingerie line could be hot messes together. Safety in Numbers, I guess. [Tangent: While looking for info on what Frances Bean is into now, I found this article about her throwing herself a suicide themed 16th birthday party. She may have just one-upped Miley in the effed up department. Kudos.]


  1. Is it bad that the thing that really stuck out at me about this is that Miley's little sister is designing lingerie? At age nine. Glad to see Miley's not the trashy one.

  2. that photo. oh-my-awesome.
    i nearly projectile peed.

  3. I'm really old...I'm reading Frances Bean's party invitation and wondering why no one spell checked it...

  4. Curse you and your haram web links! I couldn't pull up that Frances Bean article in your tangent because of its scandalous web address. ARG CENSORSHIP!


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