Saturday, February 19, 2011

what does snooki have that i don't?

Today while roving Target aimlessly on a Tolkien-esque quest for body scrub [Tangent: One would think it would be with body care? Cosmetics? Soap? None of the above. I never found it, so will make my own out of household products. I am a pioneer woman, apparently.]. Out of exfolient-induced frustration, I ventured into the entertainment aisle to peruse books (NERD ALERT!), as if I needed more to add to the growing pile of impulsively purchased literature I already have.

As I rounded the end cap, I came upon the following:
how pissed is Jwoww that her book is cheaper than snooki's?
Wow...that's a startling number of books penned by non-celebrity non authors...about things that are non-important. [Tangent/confession time: I can't be holier than friend, Angi, bought me L.A Candy aka the Lauren Conrad story, while I was in the hospital over the summer. I read it for the same reason I always kept a pile of US Weekly's by my bed. When you're in a life/death scenario- you don't wanna read Sylvia Plath. Truth be told, I was not-so-secretly excited to get it because I would NEVER buy it for myself, and my sense of curiosity as to LC's writing chops was definitely peaked. She's not terrible, but I still try to hide it behind my Sedaris and Capote, so visitors don't draw conclusions as to my intellect. It's my bookshelf's dirty little secret.] After slyly snapping this picture, I thought to myself, "I wonder how hard it was for JWoww to get a book deal? It kinda made me ill. I am sure she was paid an exorbitant amount to wax poetic on important issues like fake boobies and shredded Ed Hardy t-shirts. On the flip side, I know several extremely talented writers that will never get their material to the masses, and if they will in no way sell like hotcakes as I am sure the soon-to-be classic Kardashian Konfidential did. [Tangent: Ya see what they did there with the K's? I wonder how long the brainstorm session was for that. ] 

 Maybe I am being a jealous neigh sayer [Tangent: Or as the sisters Kardashian say "a jelly belly." Judge away that I speak Kardashian.], perhaps they are just stretching their 15 minutes of fame to a good 17...I don't blame them. If I was a reality TV star and attained any kind of notoriety, I would totally whore myself out to make the most of the opportunity. Meanwhile, being that I am a non-celebrity, I house a little bitterness that they world is their oyster in the book world, getting handed a writing deal as if it was a french fry out of your BK bag. Somebody, please hand this girl a fry.


  1. i always read your blogs kimmie and ive sent all my friends the link to it and everyone loves it. ive always thought you were hilarious and love all your stories lol ive always thought you should have your own late show and im sure if you wrote a book it would go over well. you should def give it a try!

  2. But what I notice is the 30% off stickers plastered onto Snooki's head. My bookshelf's dirty secret is "Classy" by Derek Blasberg (don't judge me).

  3. Hmmmmmmmm...wondering if JWoww's book should be in the self-help, lifestyles, or adult reader section? I mean, c'mon, a book by someone who did the deed numerous times on T.V. writing a book entitled "The Rules"? It's gotta be a how-to book and the publisher decided against the more truthful title "The Prostitution Book for Dummies". My DLS: Judith Krantz

  4. what does snooki have that you don't? a lack of self-respect, an abysmal vocabulary, and an awful "front-hump" hairstyle, for starters. i can understand your jealousy.

  5. damn. beth.a.hop beat me to the punch. My DLS Robin Cook. I alway like saying that I am reading a " Cook " book. Makes me feel like a chef arounfd work.
    Oh, and Bristol Palin has an autobiagraphy coming out. What is she like,....22. at age 22 it's called a diary.

    SPOILER ALERT : I screwed a guy on the High School hockey team, I got knocked up, oh and my mom is hot, crazy and lost her party the Presidency. THE END.


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