Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I give up...I'm sorry.

My blog just got Rick rolled.

So its that time of the year again, fellow fallen Catholics...It's time to give something up for 40 days and 40 nights. [Tangent: I am quite possibly the world's worst Catholic, mostly because I am non-practicing, haven't been to church in a decade and think pregnant nun Halloween costumes are hysterical. However,  I usually aim to make up for all my inadequacies in that 1/8 of the year that falls between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday.] Its my chance to test my resolve against some things that I do that are not so great for my overall well being. Any thing to kick start my willpower is encouraged.
a possibility for next year.

I don't like to duplicate the same thing twice, because I aim to keep things fresh, or as fresh as an ancient Biblical practice can be. It also the goal to make it something that is actually difficult- I mean, as a non-smoker, I could easily give up Marlboro Reds, but that kind of defeats the purpose. In the past I have given up red meat, caffeine, fast food, cursing and impulse purchasing [Tangent: Long story short- giving up caffeine gave me headaches and giving up cursing made me sound like I was a kindergarten teacher or like one of those Orbit gum commercials. I can't tell you how many times I used the term "Shitake."]



This year, it was actually suggested to me by a friend what I should give up and I will grand unveil it now: For Lent 2011, I am giving up unnecessary apologizing. If there was an algorithm to figure out which phrases I use the most in a given day, I will go ahead and bet you a 2003 autographed picture of former Titan "False start" Fred Miller that "I'm sorry" is at the very least #2.  This is not news to anyone, and even if you don't know me in the real world, I have addressed it in this blog. 

My inordinate apologizing is my Turret's. When I get nervous or anxious or don't really know how else to respond, the people pleaser inside takes over, and I fill the awkward silence with the always faithful -"I'm sorry." I even start doing it whenever I have to ask for help with something, which is roughly 100x a day. My friends say due to my status as "an apology whore," my sorrys have begun to become disingenuous. That is the worst case scenario as far as I'm concerned, because being a fake person is my huge fear. [Tangent: Ok, I'm sorry I lied... being burned alive in a room full of antique dolls while being attacked by parrots is my worst fear, but you know where I am coming from.]


So from Wednesday morning on, I will stop with the apologizing every 2 minutes, and as a result I will either feel a great burden being lifted off my shoulders, or I will feel like a soulless bitch. Because I fear it might be the latter, here is a preemptive "I'm sorry if I come off like a soulless bitch sometime in the next 40 days,  Its for a good cause."
 
Addendum: After writing this post, I told my mom about my idea to become unapologetic during Lent. Never one to mince words, my lovely Catholic school graduate mother countered, "That's dumb. How is that a sacrifice?" [Tangent: As liberal as mama is, she is still super old school on certain issues. i.e. she hates the term "Holy Crap!" and gets very irritated with the new Guido trend of wearing rosary beads as necklaces.  I can't blame her on the rosary thing. Aside from the sacrilege, its just stupid.] I explained to her the after effects will likely be crazy amounts of guilt on my conscience and isn't that what being Catholic is all about?

2 comments:

  1. I, too, am a horrible Catholic for most of the year. A great person - just a horrible Catholic. I never go to church. Not even for holidays. But I think I may give up something for Lent. My initial thought is facebook. *bites my nails*

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  2. although we may not have identical theologies, one thing is for sure: i'm totally with you on the death-by-parrot-in-the-terrifying-doll-cave thing.

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