Saturday, March 5, 2011

magic legs

warning: be careful when you google image search "robot love"...the Internet is a dark place.

Children love me. If they are not completely horrified by me, they are intrigued and that intrigue turns to love.  The secret to this: most of them think I have half robot...probably because I tell them this very thing upon first interaction. A few months ago I won over my friend Alex's little brother, Brevin, who is 4. I told him I was a robot and he responded, "I like her. I sit with her now."  With that,  he climbed into my lap and wanted to ride to the dinner table. Its easy as a simple little half truth and I am like a kid's shiny new toy.  I have always felt mildly [Tangent: By mildly...I mean not at all] guilty about lying to kids, but it seemed it was for the greater good of hoping they will not grow into slack-jawed ignorant adults.

Cut to today- I was having a hermit day and doing nothing but eating donuts, watching 5 different movies on cable and making up for the week without interweb. In layman's terms: I was a lazy bag of goo. For some reason, while in the midst of "Google Fest 2011," I randomly thought of the Christmas episode of Glee where Coach Bieste granted wheelchair-bound Artie his holiday wish by buying him robotic legs so he could walk again. [Tangent: I will try to gloss over the fact that Coach Bieste is a high school football coach, yet somehow, she was able to afford that kind of technology, which runs about $150,000. But, I guess Glee isn't really where I go when I am in the mood for gritty realism.] This fleeting thought led to a lot of furious googling to learn more about these "magic legs."

After researching a little, I found at least two different variations on robo-legs:

Exhibit A:
These are literally called, Honda Robot Legs [Tangent: Kudos Honda for truth in advertising.]. Although they look fairly sleek, in that that white MacBook kinda way, to me- they seem to be a teench bit Storm Trooper, which should make them popular among disabled Star Wars enthusiasts. I am not sure the awkward crotch cradle would be comfortable for those non-walkers that have junk, but I could be wrong. I do think they look fairly comfortable other than that key point regarding genital discomfort. To learn more about them: Read this hilarious description on a website called Botropolis.

Exhibit B:
Wow. That's intense. These legs These bad boys are called simply "Rex" [Tangent: I feel that name is kinda douchey, like they might as well have named them "Biff" or "T-bone" or something...but I am in no way on level with medical engineers, so I should get no say in the douche level of their creations.] They do look slightly more comfortable, mostly because it seems the pressure is more evenly distributed and not resting solely in the crotch.


Both incarnations are interesting and pull me on board this weird train of thought wondering if robotic legs would ever be something I would consider. At this point in my life, I have enough equipment to keep track of, keep charged and keep from breaking to keep my life running smoothly. To me, it would be more of a hindrance. After the initial "woo-hoo I can walk around the room," I think the novelty would wear thin.  Even though they look pretty bad ass, I doubt they would enable me to climb a flight of stairs or go hiking, so whats the point?

If I were to get these, I feel I would have my Halloween costume already picked for the next 50 years. Despite the fact that I would make an adorable Optimus Prime, Everyone knows I don't repeat a costume.

the resemblance is uncanny.


  1. How has no one commented with the eternal question for the disabled: How do you go to the bathroom?! Not you personally, but would one with the robotic legs go to the bathroom!? I thought surely someone in your readership would bring it up. I'm glad I could be that person.

  2. since i've been compared to optimus prime WITHOUT sporting robo-legs, i am interested to see if having them would affirm my identity as a cyborg that much more.


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