Saturday, March 5, 2011

magic legs

warning: be careful when you google image search "robot love"...the Internet is a dark place.

Children love me. If they are not completely horrified by me, they are intrigued and that intrigue turns to love.  The secret to this: most of them think I have half robot...probably because I tell them this very thing upon first interaction. A few months ago I won over my friend Alex's little brother, Brevin, who is 4. I told him I was a robot and he responded, "I like her. I sit with her now."  With that,  he climbed into my lap and wanted to ride to the dinner table. Its easy as a simple little half truth and I am like a kid's shiny new toy.  I have always felt mildly [Tangent: By mildly...I mean not at all] guilty about lying to kids, but it seemed it was for the greater good of hoping they will not grow into slack-jawed ignorant adults.

Cut to today- I was having a hermit day and doing nothing but eating donuts, watching 5 different movies on cable and making up for the week without interweb. In layman's terms: I was a lazy bag of goo. For some reason, while in the midst of "Google Fest 2011," I randomly thought of the Christmas episode of Glee where Coach Bieste granted wheelchair-bound Artie his holiday wish by buying him robotic legs so he could walk again. [Tangent: I will try to gloss over the fact that Coach Bieste is a high school football coach, yet somehow, she was able to afford that kind of technology, which runs about $150,000. But, I guess Glee isn't really where I go when I am in the mood for gritty realism.] This fleeting thought led to a lot of furious googling to learn more about these "magic legs."

After researching a little, I found at least two different variations on robo-legs:

Exhibit A:
These are literally called, Honda Robot Legs [Tangent: Kudos Honda for truth in advertising.]. Although they look fairly sleek, in that that white MacBook kinda way, to me- they seem to be a teench bit Storm Trooper, which should make them popular among disabled Star Wars enthusiasts. I am not sure the awkward crotch cradle would be comfortable for those non-walkers that have junk, but I could be wrong. I do think they look fairly comfortable other than that key point regarding genital discomfort. To learn more about them: Read this hilarious description on a website called Botropolis.


Exhibit B:
Wow. That's intense. These legs are...um....subtle. These bad boys are called simply "Rex" [Tangent: I feel that name is kinda douchey, like they might as well have named them "Biff" or "T-bone" or something...but I am in no way on level with medical engineers, so I should get no say in the douche level of their creations.] They do look slightly more comfortable, mostly because it seems the pressure is more evenly distributed and not resting solely in the crotch.

Conclusions: 

Both incarnations are interesting and pull me on board this weird train of thought wondering if robotic legs would ever be something I would consider. At this point in my life, I have enough equipment to keep track of, keep charged and keep from breaking to keep my life running smoothly. To me, it would be more of a hindrance. After the initial "woo-hoo I can walk around the room," I think the novelty would wear thin.  Even though they look pretty bad ass, I doubt they would enable me to climb a flight of stairs or go hiking, so whats the point?

If I were to get these, I feel I would have my Halloween costume already picked for the next 50 years. Despite the fact that I would make an adorable Optimus Prime, Everyone knows I don't repeat a costume.

the resemblance is uncanny.

2 comments:

  1. How has no one commented with the eternal question for the disabled: How do you go to the bathroom?! Not you personally, but would one with the robotic legs go to the bathroom!? I thought surely someone in your readership would bring it up. I'm glad I could be that person.

    ReplyDelete
  2. since i've been compared to optimus prime WITHOUT sporting robo-legs, i am interested to see if having them would affirm my identity as a cyborg that much more.

    ReplyDelete

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