Tuesday, April 12, 2011

the app happy chronicles: I feel pretty

Some things will always make me laugh...the word "wiener"...animals dressed as humans...candid pictures of David Hasselhoff...and ridiculous conversations with my mother. My sister has similar kryptonite...with the addition of celebrities in fat suits. It doesn't matter how many times she sees Hairspray, she giggles like a four year old whenever she sees the following image. I am not sure if it's the cross dressing aspect or the fat suit itself (or the combination of those two things), but I know as she is reading this and seeing this image, she is producing an embarrassing amount of laughter.
No...fat people aren't funny....but seeing someone who isn't usually tubby as a thicker person IS! [Tangent: If this was not the case, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence would be short a few million dollars. ] Where am I going with these statements? Riddled with insomnia the other night, I was feeling a bit  "app happy," so I downloaded the "Fat Booth" application to my phone. I haven't been overweight since I was in 5th grade, and I had forgotten what I look like with multiple chins. [Tangent: It was dark, so I had to use existing images on my droid to transform myself into my chunkified alter ego. Also, apparently I only take face-on pictures of myself when I am in costume. Go figure.] Because I love to make myself look as ridiculous as possible, I wanted to share with you how I would look should I decide to let myself go.
if kelly kapowski had jaw elephantitis...

yeesh. this one is a little too realistic.    

Thoughts? Conclusions? I sent the picture to Andraea, my BBF, [Tangent: That stands for black best friend. Lest you start to think I'm racist, she calls me her WBF- so it's symbiotic. Also, would a racist person have a BBF? No.]. Andraea's response was:  "OMG! YOU NEED NOT GAIN WEIGHT, EVER!" Honestly, I don't think it's that terrible...I just have an extremely stout jawline and now resemble the female baby of these individuals:

 Also I felt a "totally looks like" was in order for this occasion:

Me without makeup in Fat Booth 

Totally Looks Like
Poppin' Fresh

I wish I could say Fat Booth was the only ridiculous application housed on my little droid, but it's not. I have three versions of Angry Birds, two incarnations of Scrabble, two satellite radio providers and multiple weapons. [Tangent: Yes, you heard correctly. If you know me, you know that I hate guns and they freak me out even being within a 100 yard radius, however I have a shotgun app on my phone which makes "realistic" gun noises when you load, cock and shoot it.  It makes no sense, and I am feeling shameful with this admission.] Every few weeks, I will have a new app obsession, which will inevitably grow tiresome/frustrating, forcing me to find a new succubus of free time.

This happened most recently with Alchemy, a game where you play God to make things by combining the base elements of Earth, Fire, Air and Water, [Tangent: Did the Captain Planet opening just transpire in your head? Oops. That was just me.] Sometimes it's good to know a little about biology, but other times the concoctions are more fuzzy logic than science. Ex: metal + bird = airplane.  I obsessively stayed up at night to play it and even went online to find "cheats," but then one day it got old, so I just downloaded another version of Tertis.

Moral of the Story: Fat Booth is a novelty and it will surely run its course. However, this week, my goal is to "Fat Booth-ify" everyone in my life. 

Moral #2: I should do commercials for smart phones!

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