Thursday, April 21, 2011

things have gotten outta hand

this will make sense in a minute...patience.
Today has been a blah day...a 2 o'clock glass of wine nor a nap could keep that blah feeling at bay. Some big changes at work have left me feeling a bit numb, and left me a bit in a bit of a hole [Tangent: I know I am being vague, but whenever I feel thankful for something (like keeping my job),  I feel 200x the guilt that others have to lose theirs...curses to Catholicism for that feeling. I have a large office now and can finally get that cubicle shark tank that I've been dreaming about, but I don't feel happy. Grateful- yes. Happy-no.]
This kid knows what I'm talkin' about.
To remedy this shitboxy feeling- I thought I would divert myself by writing about another pressing issue in my life- my outta control hair situation. I know, I know...I have covered this already in this blog, but the crazy train has really run its way off the tracks in terms of my follicles. If you didn't know me, my hairstyle may lead you to think that I'm part of some strict religious sect.

For months my hair has been in perma-ponytail status. I have harvested a good 10 inches to donate [Tangent: That's what he said?] and given that I am elfin in stature, 10 inches is roughly half of my body. Plainly stated, I am a few months away from becoming Crystal Gayle [Tangent: That's a reference the youngins or non-Nashvillians will not appreciate. Sorry for the deep cut, folks.]

when I was 6, she was glamour personified

I've also noticed that when I try to just wear it down,  I get comments from coworkers like the following (which I have gotten in the last week or so):
  • " aren't letting your hair grow too much longer, are you?"
  • "Your hair is like a Whitesnake video."
  • "Whoa! Big hair."
My very vocal and unauthorized peanut gallery has some very valid points/concerns. This monstrosity that I call hair has reached out of control status, despite my decision to ignore it. [Tangent: Last year, when I told my friend Sam, who had undergone the process previously, that I was donating my hair to charity, she told me that no matter how much of a low maintenance girl I claim to be- that I would have second thoughts near the end. It's not that I want to get rid of it and spread "Kimmie wigs" to cute little baldies all over the world, because I do.  I just have a wedding to be in and a 10 year reunion to attend...I would like to enjoy my new found girlyness a little longer.] However the other day, a Facebook album and a background untagged picture made me say, "Holy mother of god, things have gotten out of hand."

...they tried to warn me.
Yeah..I know what you are thinking. This thing I call hair is not even pretty anymore, its just kinda sad and gross and making me resemble maybe a POW or someone who has been locked in a mine shaft for several years. In my delusional mind, I was thinking I was maybe a distant cousin of Lady Lovely Locks, my childhood icon. But on second thought, she had birds and rabbits living in her multicolored mane, so maybe I should reconsider my role models.
my childhood is ruined.


  1. First, your hair in that shot is not incredibly long. When I first moved to nashville, five years ago, my hair was to my ass. And I'm unGodly tall, and my hair is unGodly thick, so that's A LOT OF FLIPPING HAIR. I cut it to my chin a few months later. People really did ask me if I was some religion where I can't cut my hair. I should have played along, and faked being offended.

    Second, you are the only other person in the world who remembers lady lovely locks (perhaps that's why I love the long hair, too!). I reference her probably on a monthly basis. No one knows who I'm talking about.


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