Wednesday, April 27, 2011

a town by any other name...

the infamous nashville weather penis...behold!
If April showers bring May flowers, then horticulturally speaking, I expect great things in the coming month. For  the first time in roughly 24 hours, the transfixing brightly colored spell of the dopplar weather radar is being broken, and I am watching actual television that isn't urging me to move to a lower floor. [Tangent: Yes, I could have turned it or watched one of the 100 things I have queued up on the DVR, but what if I missed out on some crucial weather info because I was watching a week old episode of Conan? I decided not to take that risk and instead be lulled by the monotone voices of the local weather broadcasters.]

As a kid, hiding in the hallway during a tornado with the essentials (ya know...cookies, the dog, pillows and a book of mad libbs) was a fun springtime adventure that ranked somewhere between building a blanket fort and playing German Spotlight. [Tangent: As an adult, I am pretty sure German Spotlight or flashlight tag had its roots in something Nazi related, but I try to ignore that.] However, now tornadoes are kind of a downer- an aggravating way of throwing me off task (more than usual) and making my baby hairs frizz like mad.

The only bright spot of this month of bipolar weather [Tangent: In the words of Katy Perry circa 2009, "You're hot then you're're yes than you're're in then you're're up the you're down." That just happened.] is taking part in one of my favorite activities- heckling the names of the ridiculous neighborhoods/towns in Middle Tennessee. Its not enough that we have to reinforce Southern stereotypes of mental deficiency by mispronouncing everything, [Tangent: I mean, really, why is Santa Fe, TN pronounced Santa Fee? There is no excuse for that behavior. ] but we also have some terribly unfortunate town names. Most are so bad that they are never really mentioned until a cyclone is attempting to shred them; for that reason, they are deemed "tornado towns". Everyone has a favorite.

Kimmie's Top Tennesseee Tornado Towns*:
 *can you tell I like alliterative phrases? 

Fudgearound, TN

Bugscuffle, TN

Sweet Lips, TN

Lickskillet, TN

Hoodoo, TN

Gumm, TN

Love Lady, TN

Defeated, TN (not to be confused with Difficult, TN)

Finger, TN


  1. Yay! I love this post because it is SO DARN TRUE. We can be scared to death, watching the news and biting our nails (figuratively, of goes with the being scared thing but I've never actually done it) and just waiting to be obliterated by a tornado and still crack up at some obscure name when Lisa Spencer puts it on a Storm Track. Word up StormTracker2000!

  2. Not kidding... I went to Defeated Elementary. We were... wait for it... the Defeated Braves. Can't make this up. I have a second-grade yearbook to prove it.

  3. I hope you all were terrible at athletics

  4. i always liked Bucksnort, tn
    and i HATE the santa feeeee thing.

  5. The storm is making it's way down to hit my town this weekend, HOLLYWOOD!...Florida aka Hollyhood

  6. And don't forget: "Maryville" is actually pronounced "Murvull".

  7. I can't believe there are actually cities in tennessee with those names. Didn't they think before naming?


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