Wednesday, June 8, 2011

some problems are concrete.

this will make sense soon...

I'm officially douchey, because once again...this blog is going to revolve mostly around my rad whip [Tangent: That means 'cool car'...I'm not hip enough to pull off that kind of phrasing...especially given I awkwardly counterbalanced my hip hop car slang with an adjective that hasn't been relevant since the late 1980s.]My morning began very focused on my automotive. I was running super close on time, per usual, and luckily snagged the last close handicapped space ensuring that I would get to my desk perfectly timed at 9:00. After hitting the electronic door open button on my console and attempting to let my ramp down, I realized it wasn't gonna happen. It was stuck. I was trapped in my car and would likely have to A.) cut off my arm for survival or B.) call inside and get someone to help me figure out why the hell my door was jammed.

Luckily, my angel in dark framed glasses, Alex, heeded my phone call. After surveying my sliding door and opening and closing it a few times...she found the object that was obstructing what should be a pretty open and shut case [Tangent: PUN INTENDED!] My door wasn't opened because a mini airplane sized bottle of hot vodka was blocking the door jamb. I later had to explain to my boss the whole situation. Luckily, I have no shame. At least it was Grey Goose and not that plastic bottle nonsense. I am a classy dame afterall.
only the best to leave in my 97 degree automobile. on to the other recent car-related blog matter...and its a fascinating one. Concrete. [Tangent: One would have thought I would have exhausted my ability to rant on ground covering after this blog, but trust, I could discuss it for days. Don't get me started on cobblestones.] I happen to know more about concrete than anyone should. I know it's a huge industry and apparently a very lucrative one with high starting salaries and job placement. [Tangent: How do I know this? At MTSU, when I was a Freshman, they were just starting their Concrete Industry Management program (yes, its a legit thing.) Aside from having it shoved down my throat in orientation and Freshman seminar class,  I had many friends over the years lured into the warm arms of the concrete program. The promise of job security came for the low cost of well...learning about concrete all day. I can't put it down- all of these people probably have high paying jobs now that use their education, whereas I had the most fun amazingly stimulating education ever,  but my degree is dusty. Its a Catch-22. I will reiterate what my friend Josh Branum so brilliantly put, "A degree in Mass Communications is like a degree in hugging."]

Anyway, in terms of concrete maintanance, I have but one arch nemesis...and thy name is the Old Navy Cool Springs parking lot. We have never been friends. Given this is what it looks like on a sunny afternoon, imagine what it looks like after a heavy Middle Tennessee rain:

Yep, That's exactly as janky as it appears on camera phone photojournalism [Tangent: I took these pictures about a month ago with every intention of raking some muck and raising a ruckus about it after sludging up my newly steam cleaned interior with wheel marks...but alas, I am lazy so the evidence just stayed on my phone.]. It's as if a phantom silty creek bed ran over and left a permanent sludge puddle centralized on the only "Van Only" space in the entire parking lot. It has aggravated me for years, especially before I started driving and would drag my feet through the ever-present puddles in my manual chair. Given I can't turn down reasonably priced casual wear, I have to lay aside my convictions regarding parking lot upkeep and go there anyway.

However, Monday, upon pulling into aforementioned lot on a quest for new summer sundresses- my nose began to burn from the smell of hot asphalt and my eyes were greeted with this happy sight:

It goes without saying that I looked like a creeper with a jort fetish taking this picture.
After years of under the breath cursing and mental muckraking, my space was being repaved. My level of excitement over this is exponentially greater that any other possible reaction to concrete. This elation and feeling of changing lives is why more people should go into Concrete Industry Management program. MTSU, feel free to use my blog in your recruitment package.

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