Monday, July 11, 2011

the dog[vest] days are over

 It's been less than a week and I already miss Josh. He left us a week ago to be in a place where he is free and his life is less complicated. No, my coworker/daily break buddy/partner in being grossly inappropriate didn't die...he just is living the sweet life or a housewife househusband(?). Instead of spending everyday doing whatever the hell he did for our healthcare company, [Tangent: No one really knows what anyone not in their department does.] I imagine he is now lounging around in a shortie robe and maribou slippers throwing bon-bons at the screen during Maury Povich...oh,and intermittently checking in on his sweet baby girl, while his brilliant chemist wife makes BANK! The rest of the time, in my mind, he is doing this:
why did googling "man in shortie robe" yield no good results? google sucks.
This is my blog shout out to Josh who has inspired the following winning blogs fat babies and handi-hitching. I am sorry to say that I had to be gone on Josh's last day of work. When I got his text, "I left was something to remember me by," I'll admit- I was scared.

In the past his "thank you" gifts to his friends have consisted of baskets of lube or African-American gay adult films. Maybe it could be something innocent...something edible? Nah...his edible treats in the past have consisted of a poptart-zinger sandwich or some weird jelly straw from World Market that disturbed me on a number of levels [Tangent: Imagine a gelatinous substance that is squirted in your mouth gogurt style and tastes like sundried jolly ranchers from 1987. Intrigued?]
I feel the looks say it all. 
Thankfully, It was none of the above. Instead, Josh had left me something I have had my eye on since before we had been formerly introduced. When you see someone on the elevator wearing this on casual friday, how can you not be intrigued?
yep, that's a dog vest.

I found it in my cubicle with a note pinned to it like an abandoned baby.

Hello!

My name is Gertrude. Can you give me a home? My last owner told me I was too small and that he couldn't take care of me anymore.

If you take me home, I promise to provide you with years of hilariously awkward antics.

Yours always,

Gertrude.

4 comments:

  1. There is none more worthy to inherit the dog vest.

    This post made me a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves...
    I'll give you a topic. Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The only possible way this blog post could get any better is if you were to add a pic of yourself in said horsevest. I love this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I bought my friend Nate a cat vest very similar to that dog vest during Whiskerino 09/10: http://whiskerino.org/2009/beards/methuselah/15178/

    They're the best.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i saw the Cat version of this in Fido once. a dude was rockin' it.
    i have no doubt it will haunt my dreams.

    ReplyDelete

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