Tuesday, August 16, 2011

haven't you always wanted a monkey?

I am 99% certain the impetus behind my high school Barenaked Ladies fanaticism was the lyric in "If I had $1,000,000," where either Ed or Steven counters with "Haven't you always wanted a monkey?!?!" because YES...YES I DID WANT A MONKEY...and frankly, I still do! Due to this chimp adoration, and because I loved the original, I decided to go check out Rise of the Planet of the Apes. [Tangent/clarification: the 1960's original... not that horrid Mark Wahlberg version they made in the 00's. Let's make that clear as crystal!]

Even after knowing that genetically altered, computer generated primates have the capability to rise up and overtake humans as some new master race, I still really want one. They are so very adorable. [Tangent: If you doubt this...please refer to the picture of one sporting overalls above or this video below. Once meeting Elmo, I dare you not to morph into a puddle of mush.]

After seeing this little bundle of genetically superior furry rebellion in the opening of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I was gone. I wanted one for my very own to teach to break dance and dress in an adidas jumpsuit...unless it's a fancy occasion, which calls for a tuxedo. [Tangent: Judge away...what you choose to do with your ape is your business.]
wittle monkey hands!
Soon enough though little adorable baby chimp, Ceasar, [SPOILER ALERT!] went ape shit crazy [Tangent: pun shameless intended.] and the movie got pretty darn spicy!
There were some things that I took from this reincarnation that I would like to share with those that have seen the film or are considering it. Here they are:

If you are a high paid biochemist working on cures for disease for a major company, you likely drive a late 80's Jeep Grand Wagoneer. [Tangent: My family had a 1986 Grand Wagoneer when I was a wee one...they do not hold up that well. Ours broke down all the time, and ran mostly on good intentions and duct tape until the mid 90's. I find it a little unlikely that a single guy with a good job and nice house in present-day San Francisco would drive this vehicle. Just Sayin'.]   

    A monkey wearing pants is always cuter than a pantsless monkey.
    And lastly, I am incapable of a straight face when I see a monkey riding a horse. You just can't fight a giggle.


    1. i read the title and instantly the BNL song came to mind. love it.

    2. that last image? seriously almost peed. in a real-life kind of way.


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