Monday, September 12, 2011

my name is...

Aside from a short lived childhood campaign to change my name to Tiffany, [Tangent: This is not only after my favorite mall rock sensation but also my favorite Mickey Mouse Club member] I have always liked my name. I am not named after anyone...its just a name my parents liked and found fitting. Simple as that.

The other day somehow my music nerd of a boyfriend and I started talking music [SHOCKING!]. Through some circuitous dialogue, I started talking about a secret unfulfilled wish I've had since childhood. I revealed that I have always secretly been very upset with the lack of songs featuring my name. Its a gross injustice that some names like Maria and Gloria are featured in a half dozen songs while mine gets the shaft. [Tangent: I realize its a double edged sword to have your name featured in a song. If you name is Sherona, Jenny, Alison,Tyrone or Caroline or something to that persuasion- you fall victim to street serenades and people constantly referencing them in terrible cliched pickup lines that the person who is delivering will undoubtably think are terribly original.]  Ex: "Can I call you sometime. Don't worry, Jenny. I got your number. I'm gonna make you mine. 867-5309, right?." Cue the douchey laughter.]

He seemed in disbelief that no song had ever featured my name, but I assured him with the exception of Jack Johnson's Mud football, Kimmie was just not a name that easily slipped into poetic verse:

My best friend Kimi wants to go with you
So meet her by the sugar mill after school 

Through some research (i.e. google searching) years ago I realized Patti Smith has featured Kimberly in a song  [Tangent: I can't disagree. My given full name, Kimberly, name sounds a little less like a bimbo cocktail waitress than Kimmie.] I got all excited before realizing that in the context of the song, Kimberly is not the girl being heralded with song of ardor, but in fact, is the infant  subject of this darkly haunting song. [Tangent: maybe dying, maybe not...I think its open to interpretation. Patti Smith makes me feel dense.] Albeit an awesome song,  I never saw "Your soul was like a network of spittle." being something I would want to be synonymous with my name. Agree to disagree Ms. Smith.

Furthermore, I am not an infant [Tangent: I know, SPOILER ALERT!] so that song cannot be my anthem. Dammit. Why couldn't I have been named Fergie so I could have Fergilicious.

I have not googled "Kimberly song lyrics" in years, so today while my computer was on the fritz at work, I randomly decided some smart phone web browsing would be a good way to pass the time while I waited on our IT guy. My mission was to see if my name had caught on among songwriters. It had, however,  I did not expect that my name would go on to be synonymous with "Ho bag" courtesy of Marques Houston and his own song Kimberly. [Tangent: You can click on the link in blue for full lyrical content. I would have cut and pasted them in, but they are somewhat explicit and for some ungodly reason I am funneling a lot of traffic from some weird anime Russian porn site. I would rather not fuel that kind of readership, if I can help it.]

These were the only lyrics that weren't linking my namesake to bumping uglies, specifically.

More than just physical (its more than just physical Kimba)
Deep inside of every woman there's a Kimberly
She's incredible... (She's incredible)

Apparently, I am like a Russian doll. If deep inside every woman there's a Kimberly...what's inside a Kimberly? Apparently a whore. I completely disagree and take issue with this.  I am classy, dammit!

Because I am not up on my current R&B hitmakers, I decide to see who this MH character was. He had such amazing taste in song titles, yet such questionable taste in trashtastic ladies. Marques Houston? The name sounded kinda familiar. After a Wiki search, I realized that this man who was singing about making sweet love was indeed Roger from the 90's Jackee Harry seperated at birth sitcom, Sister! Sister! [Tangent: I can never take him seriously as a player, he had no game with Tia and Tamera.]

Yep. I have just accomplished something scholars have been toiling over for years. I have just somehow linked Jackee Harry and Patti Smith in less than 6 degrees. You're welcome.


  1. WOW on the revelation of who the artist is. Though for the sake of playing Devil's Advocate I must disagree with the assessment of the woman in the song being equal to whore.

  2. A Patti Smith song about you? Your bff will be JEALOUS.


I thrive on comments, so what do you think?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...