Friday, November 25, 2011

da gracias para el INTERWEB!

[Early Tangent: I have no idea why I chose to make the title Spanglish, perhaps Antonio Banderas is my coauthor today or maybe I am trying to trick Spanish speakers into reading my blog. Spoiler Alert: It's neither...I was just avoiding the term Thanksgiving, so it seemed the obvious loophole.]

As this creepy vintage ventriloquist record eludes to, now begins the time of year for reflection and blessing counting and resolution making and all that junk [Tangent: All that junk being black friday ballyhoo which I cannot get behind. I happen to like my limbs and my sanity. Truly they would be missed.] Without getting too sappy, I will say my life has been significantly brighter in 20011. Always considering myself an optimistic cynic, towards the end of last year the optimistic side was starting to disappear. Obviously, I seemed to be a step away from changing my name to Mistress Darkness Nightshade on December 29, 2010. [Tangent:Sheesh...that's bleak.]

In an effort to share some joy,  I have decided to share some internet sources of solace- websites that consistently have made me choke with laughter over the last year.  These websites, memes and funny videos have been passed onto me from friends that share my love of ridiculous or are things I have just tripped over on internet quests. I don't know any of these people, but I wish I did.

Full House Reviews

Having each episode of Full House from Stephanie's Motown Philly dance recital to the Donelson/Kadsopolis wedding inscribed in your memory isn't necessary [Tangent: Even though I feel, on a personal level, that it is.]- everyone, even casual watchers will enjoy. Each episode is recapped and snarked on in elaborate detail with amazing screen captures, like the one above. Tis completely inappropriate and each post has made me either choke or nearly wet myself.  I think I might want to marry the creator of it...I think my boyfriend would understand. Here's a preview:
Seriously, why’s Joey always spitting all over the place? I hate it. This is not an isolated incident. I can think of at least one previous Joey-Spitting-out-water routine that I’ve bitched about, plus he did that Sylvester impression a few episodes ago where he kept spitting in Jesse’s face. Why does this man work so hard to be obnoxious? Is there anything left for him to do to make me hate him? I guess he could start shitting his pants all the time and walking around with shitty pants, but actually I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t already. I mean, really, would anyone in the full house even react if he did?
 Markerpiece Theater

 The above picture is entitled Darth Brooks, but seriously there is something for everyone on this ridiculous website which is filled with punny pictures this chica Morgan draws while she is bored at work. You may wonder what the hell Kenny Chesney has to do with any of's her explaination:
For the record "Kenny Chesney Serious" is a phrase my best bud Hannah came up with to describe times when you're completely serious about something utterly ridiculous. Its like how Kenny Chesney sings, totally seriously, that a woman thinks his tractor is sexy and it really turns her on when he's out there in pukkas and a sleeveless t-shirt, tilling up the land on his john deere.
 For the record, I am Kenny Chesney Serious that I love this blog.

The Kitten Covers

Although, not being really much of a cat fan, I can't help but be absolutely in love with this concept...anyway kittens are admittedly adorable, especially when posed like Bob Dylan, The Clash and Bruce Springsteen. 

Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

This tumblr site is pretty self-explanatory, each picture somehow photoshops together the holy trinity: Tom Selleck, picturesque waterfall and delicious sandwiches. One may think this is limiting, which it is, but it makes for a lot creative interpretations

Kanye'd By the Bell

Time out! When two of my favorite unrelated things come together, magic happens. This is magic. Time in!

Birds with Arms

As I have stated before, I have an irrational fear of birds, however birds with human appendages- I find hilarious. Go figure. 

Face Morpher

Ever wondered how you might of looked had your dad had a fling in Vietnam? The above website uses advanced technology to see what you may have looked like as a baby, as a half ape/half human, as an 80 year old or as someone of the opposite sex.

Tell me that I wouldn't have made a fine gay man! I dare you. This at least should keep you busy this afternoon and AWAY from the mall madness. [Tangent: I really don't think my message of "sit on your ass and don't stimulate the economy" is a good one....oh well.]

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