Saturday, December 10, 2011

a guest blogger?!?! crippled christmas with chloe

Yesterday I realized my blog had reached a milestone- this blog marks my 101st blog entry [Tangent: I know...I know...I'm a bit late, but I am really proud of sticking with something for long enough to reach 101 of something.]

 To celebrate, I am am embracing my favorite deadly sin, sloth, and letting someone else do the legwork [Tangent: Pun shamelessly intended.]. Laziness is something that I exceed at, and since I have to get ready for Santa Rampage (a blog post in the making.), I decided I was gonna hand off the reigns to a dum dum dum...GUEST BLOGGER.

A little downlow on this stranger who is bogarting my blog post today. Her name is Chloe. She's from Florida. She has NF. She writes for the hilarious blog Talk About Pop! with Chloe Dinnerrolly. I have never met her. [Tangent: I know this all sounds sketch as hell, but stay with me. She is a friend of my friend Alex, and we mutually enjoy each other's blog so facebook friendship ensued. Not so weird.] Since she is a newcomer to the wheeled lifestyle, she and I have a lot to chat about. Anyway, here is her take on the holidays...take it away Chloe.

Tis The Season To Be Cripple
By Chloe Dinnerrolly (that other girl in the wheelchair)

Ah, the Holidays are amongst us! A time for cutting down trees, maxing out credit cards, putting the tapeworm diet on hold, and chilly cold fronts brewing across the nation, providing American women a good enough excuse not to shave their legs for months. (They’re hibernating!) However, the best thing about this time of year isn’t “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” playing on the radio every hour, but the speed pass that dangles on my rearview mirror granting access to that first available spot of the crowded parking lot during Dollar General’s Christmas extravaganza sale.

Yes, be jealous! Have fun hiking the hour-long, SUV packed forest in front of busy stores this holiday season. With my super-duper handicap sticker, I’ll just cruise my way in, grab 10 cans of Teen Spirit deodorant (for Mom’s gift) and go! You’ll still be heading for the entrance while I’m already off at Taco Bell’s drive-thru window, having my own pre-festivus fiesta. Feliz Navidad, indeed. A ring-a-ding-ding.

Normies always take their leggy-abilities for granted; running around, swimming laps, and dancing the Tootsie Roll while listening to Lionel Richie tunes. Never do they stop to think about what life is like for the handicapped peeps in 2 wheelers and the hassles of limited mobility, until now, when the hassle becomes an advantage, as we zoom past you through Walmart’s Winter Wonderland checkout’s lane. It’s Christmastime: Rise Of The Crips!

Dontcha wish your girlfriend had a wheelchair like me? The benefits of a disability are pretty sweet. It’s not laziness; it’s a luxury.

Even Santa wishes he had his own holiday hotrod to easily roll around in. Poor guy has it tough; working overtime in the cold on a holiday, while his friends have long retired, living it up skinny-dipping in the North Pole Retirement Center hot tub.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…to be me and Kimmie


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