Monday, December 5, 2011

my nose is violated

 Today was a sick day. I felt like I was coming down with some kind of cold so I called in sick and began my pre-emptive all sides assault of the little germy bastard.  This assault features any thing homeopathic or over-the-counter that I can dig up in my house. Hot tea with lemon, honey and whiskey. Hot water bottles. Zyrtec. Claritin. Homemade chicken soup. Mucinex. Sleep. Neti pot.

You may remember the neti pot from this post I wrote last year that may or may not have made you gag a teench. [Tangent: Sorry bout that. I would say I won't let it happen again...but I can't make any promises.] I love my neti and aggressively foist it upon suggest it to everyone I know, even if they resist and scream "NOSE RAPE!" My goal is to clear the sinuses of my friends and family or at least have them share the feeling of snorting ocean water [Tangent: Like actual salt water not to be confused with the sonic beverage, although that sounds undoubtedly more refreshing.] so we can commiserate about it together.

Although I am the biggest proponent of this invasive remedy and have used it for over a year, I still am not 100% that I am using it correctly. The smiling french manicured lady on the box makes it seem so effortless.  Fill pot halfway with warm water and saline solution. Tilt head to the side and pour in one nostril. Solution will filter through sinuses and come out the other.


However, no matter how much I try to control my breathing and lean my head over, I always end up spewing snotty salt water all over the sink mid pour. Its not pretty, but leaves me surpisingly refreshed in that "I just got pulled under by a strong undertoe and am gasping for breath" kinda way.  Don't get me wrong, I love the contraption and despite its rampant misuse, it still always makes me feel clearer.  [Tangent: Additionally I would like to shake the hand of the person who came up with the idea of sticking a teapot up your nostril.]



Thanks Neti. Despite our communication issues and our one-way relationship, I still love you.

xoxo,

Kimmie

4 comments:

  1. OMG why don't you use the squirt bottle? I know it would be less blog worthy but it is so much cleaner. I also used it in public a few times... H-O-T.

    ReplyDelete
  2. http://lauragrai.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/dwight.jpg?w=579&h=324

    ReplyDelete
  3. I effing LOVE my neti pot! Fun to watch the snots come out! (See, you love me because I'm SO CLASSY!)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I too end up with all sorts of disgusting by-products from use of my neti pot..... and am constantly saying curses at the woman in the picture. She obviously is only using air in her neti pot OR she has used it so many times in the previous hour that there is nothing left to flush out.
    Thanks for this laugh! I spit au gratin potatoes (my lunch) on my computer screen while I was reading this.

    ReplyDelete

I thrive on comments, so what do you think?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...