Sunday, September 25, 2011

the rise of fall.


I love fall. It has my birthday and Halloween. Wearing a scarf is no longer regarded as purely fashionable, but functional. Autumnal colors look fantastic on me. Really, What's not to love?!?

Friday was the first day of fall and this weekend has definitely slapped me in the face with an awkward door scarecrow or giant decorative gourd (or some similar arbiter of harvesty goodness.) On Friday, the air was crispy and I had my mustard yellow plaid shirt on, but my heart was not in full fall mode. It was in- "eat reheated Cap'n D's and watch some Dateline NBC mode." Thankfully I was easily talked out of this sad existence and into going to a bonfire/fundraiser to go hear a fantastic band that my boyfriend has seen 4x in one week.


The lead vocalist looked every bit of Joaquin Phoenix channeling Johnny Cash, and the sounds of forks on washboard percussion lured me into an autumn state of mind. [Tangent: Or maybe that was more due to the big ass bonfire and the fact that my feet were frozen and my wheelchair was coated in hay. All those elements wreak of fall time fun.] Overall, it was a happy place to be. 

Also, I made a big step towards accepting that Fall is upon us, I made my first visit of 2011 to the big Orange Jack-O-Lantern  tent that is put up every year outside the mall. To me, its magic and prozac encased in one large pumpkin tarp; it always lightens the mood and makes me eight shades of happy. [Tangent: I am not sure what it says about me that racks of rubber mutilated fingers and weird creepy demon gingers with Dorothy Hamill haircuts makes me so happy...but they do...] I generally spend minimum of 2 hrs there, and never buy anything. I'm nothing if not consistent.
As we roamed around the racks of slutty pirates (there was a whole aisle for that niche) and odd masks, I began to feel increasingly bad for the models that had to don these costumes on the packaging. They were all so very awkward either because they were WAY too into it, or because they looked like they were silently cursing their day jobs. I decided to share with you some of my favorites in a thing I like to call...


Awesomely Awkward Halloween Spokes Models 2011
Fat and not at all convincing, yet very stereotypical Indian....wearing Doc Martin sandals.

I bet this guy will get lots of ladies on Halloween night...they will all be slutty pirates.

These were probably my favorite awkward child spokes models. The kid on the left just looks so disinterested with his shoe polish beard...

...whereas these kids (the woopie cushion and banana) respectively are REALLY sellin' it!

This was in the aisle of "douchebag" costumes with the snake charmer and mammogram. I feel like they could have at least given this model a not so obviously rubber ax. I mean....its floppy and it kind of distracts from the hose penis.


The slutty crayon? They seriously had 6 different color options including, oddly enough, Wisteria...but the real draw was the model, who clearly won the 1991 Star Search Spokes Model search. She is really selling that slutty crayon costume. [Tangent: Also, I doubt that tube dress fits comfortably sizes 4-16]
This was the most terrifying costume I saw...hands down.

I loved the whole rack of "instant" costumes mostly because they were all so damn awkward...but also because they all came with the customary bow tie...

...and come in adorably satanic child sizes.
I did however decide that my hypothetical future possible child will only wear costumes that center around a inanimate object because they are always adorable. Awkward in the best possible way...
I almost bought this for my dog...I loved it that much.
 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

seeing eye monkey?


As is the case with most bloggers who are equal parts nosey and neurotic, I religiously investigate the stats page on my blog. I wish I had the forethought to screenshot it yesterday, because today I don't have the link anymore, but the  other day I discovered that some German site is tracking even more stats that I never even knew were necessary! Apparently it revealed to me that the 14th most overused word on my blog is "monkey" so I thought...what the hell? I want "monkey" to crack the top 10, and leave "because", "that" and "these" in the ashes.In order to make this dream a reality, I will share a touching and ridiculous story...which is my favorite genre.

On Monday, I saw this link posted on facebook by a friend:

Without even looking at the article's text- I immediately forwarded it on to my ruby haired gentleman, as I do with things that could potentially be anti-ginger propaganda. [Tangent: Earlier in the week I had forwarded him this story about sperm banks denying red headed donors on account of their undesirability. Some may call this bitchy for me to point this out to him- but I like to make him aware of the adversity he is up against.] Unlike the story of test tube non ginger haired babies, my heart broke into 7000 pieces after reading the story about a ginger seal that was excluded from his family of black seals because he was different. Oh yeah.. on top of all this- he's blind. GINGER AND DISABLED!?! [Tangent: I feel as if the writer of this article was reading a manual of how to play Kimmie's heart strings like a Black Sabbath song, because I will assure you I was mush. Call me a delusional dog weirdo, but the fact that the ginger seal reject looked alarmingly like my Newman when he was newly rescued wasn't helping.

I also think Newman looks like Dobby the elf of Harry Potter fame...


and the throwback Chicago Cubs logo.] 

But...I digress. The point of this story is- after reading this article, my ridiculous boyfriend decided that we should adopt a theoretical blind ginger seal to go with our theoretical monkey... of course. He informed me that the monkey could be trained to be a service animal and help out the blind seal. It would be adorable.Whenever I get sad, that scenario is going to play out in my head. A monkey leading around a blind ginger seal with Ray Charles glasses on. How can that not make someone happy?

OK...after this blog, "monkey" should at least be at number 11.

Friday, September 16, 2011

hey, remember glitter graphics!

oh, glitter graphics! I wonder what you are up to now...

This week, I have been overwhelmed. My dad had surgery on Wednesday so much of my energy is designated to worrying about him [Tangent: If worrying was an Olympic event, I would get gold so many times, they would accuse me of doping.]. As anyone who has been in the hospital/or has stayed with someone in the hospital knows, there is LOADS of downtime. At one point yesterday I sat and watched the news for hours while my dad slept and my mom slept on the recliner curled up next to him. In order to not lose my mind, I've begun to revisit time wasters of yore, MYSPACE STYLE SURVEYS! [Tangent: Yes, I was that annoying girl that would spend unhealthy amounts of time answering such hard hitting questions as, "what's your favorite color?" or "when was your first kiss."]

Because I am feeling moderately drained, I thought today was a what the hell kinda day. I selected one ridiculous survey and one fun one. I hope these myspace surveys bring dreams of html codes and conveying emotion via glitter graphic.
Have u woke up next to stranger?
Ummm..noo...and why would someone share that factoid in this venue.

Luv someone but they didnt luv u back?
Yes several times...but can we go back to spelling love the normal way...its only one more letter. I can't take it seriously with this spelling.

Ever wasted your time on someone, who didnt appreciate it?
On a couple occasions

Have children?
No...I have an obese dog, that's enough.

Are you married?
to the sea.

Do u like someone from your myspace friends?
I could not even tell you who my myspace friends are. Does myspace even still exist?

Ever slept with anyone of your myspace friends?
no

Hiding any secrets?
I'm a dude. Surprise.

Are u angry with someone right now?
I'm angry at sonic for luring me in with their "kickin coney," which proved to be a bad decision at 9:30 at night

Are u single, taken or not sure?
I am taken for certain

Ever drank to much and did something u were not suppose to?
several times. Not so much anymore though. I am sure there are pictures in the old "myspace vault" to prove it.

Whats the worst thing that has happened to u?

 Wow! Way to get real, survey.


If u could change one thing in your life what would it be?

superhuman health


Ever gone skiing
?
hmm....slightly impractical, but not impossible

Whats ur fav. color?

I like em all. I don't believe one color should dominate another.


If u could pick any kind of car u wanted..what would it be?

Seeing as my options are REALLY limited to mom style mini vans...that makes this question completely impractical, but lets dream big : vintage Aston Martin


Would u date outside your race?

Yes, and I'm dating a ginger...so clearly, I practice what I preach. 

I seriously am worried about the glitter graphic industry. 
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

-IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Only Happy When it rains- Garbage (Most appropriate yet Debbie Downer answer ever.)


-HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Belinda- Ben Folds w/ Nick Hornby (so am I changing my name? Yes...that's how I'm telling you all...via terrible survey.)


-WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL/GUY?
Sweet Lovin Man - Magnetic Fields (YES!)


-HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Pump it up! - Elvis Costello and The Attractions (I wish I felt pumped up!)


-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
The Waiting- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (true story!)


-WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
You are my sunshine- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (one of my favorite songs, so apropo I reckon.)


-WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
It's all Over- Dreamgirls cast (I am guessing that's positive.)


-WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Bloodbuzz, Ohio- The National  (sure, why not?)



-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Piano Man- Billy Joel (neither applies unless she gets a sex change and starts
tickling the ivories.)


-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
You Make My Dreams Come True- Hall and Oates


-WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
They Killed John Henry- Justin Townes Earl (so am I an aspiring assassin?)


-WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
These Boots are made for Walkin- Nancy Sinatra (actually its like the polar opposite.)


-WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hurt- Johnny Cash (darkest wedding ever.)


-WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Caress me Down- Sublime (hahahha. please.)


-WHAT IS YOUR PASSION IN LIFE?
 Creep - Damien Rice cover (I am not passionate about creeps.)


-WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Mansard Roof- Vampire Weekend (not so scary...they are flat on top.)


-WHATS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Jesusland- A Capella cover of Ben Folds (yes..I am opening a themepark for Christ!)


-WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Oooh La La- Ditty Bops


-WHAT DOES YOUR LOVE THINK ABOUT YOU?
Born at the right time- Paul Simon  (I imagine he is happy that I am not geriatric or pediatric)



OK readers, thanks for keeping my mind occupied with these ridiculous surveys. I promise I will not rely on these in future posts. They were probably the reason myspace is desolate and dusty.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

tis the season for misogyny

 

I toss around the word "bitch" too casually and enjoy Katy Perry (on a non-ironic level), so it's safe to assume I am not a feminist in the purest sense of the word. However,  there is one time of year that brings out my inner Rosie the Riveter --Halloween.

It's not a secret that more and more every year [Tangent: I've even written about it before in this blog.], women all over the country are using this holiday to let their inner baby prostitute take over. Because my boots and scarves came out of storage last week, I thought it was safe to start checking out the costumes at Party City and Halloween Express. [Tangent: I never really buy pre-packaged costumes. I like to take the more difficult (and overall more expensive route) and piece them together myself, but I am always entertained by the whorey options available to those ladies game for flashing goodies when the midnight drunkiness sets in.] No one had prepared me that the arbitrary trampiness had ratcheted up ridiculous amounts since 2010.

Exhibit A: 
this seems wrong on so many levels.

Just take a few minutes sometime and skim through the "teen costumes" [Tangent: I put "teen costumes" in bold to further draw attention that the girls wearing these are NOT legal!] and I dare you not to go call Chris Hanson and perverted justice.
This costume is called "Major Trouble." Aptly name, I think.

I was not even sure what this costume was. Bunny Ranch hostess? Nope, wrong! Its a cupcake princess, of course. Note the tiny cupcake on her head.

Yes...its a sexy polar bear. Let's move on.

 I can't decide if the masterminds behind the following costumes were completely devoid of imagination or brilliantly creative. You decide. They all have basically taken a male character and to make it female appropriate by simply packaging it with a flirty mini and thigh highs. I am not sure some of these are even identifiable as their intended character anymore. 
Sexy Spongebob
 My only concern is that there is a corresponding Sexy Patrick starfish. I didn't google it because I feared it might exist.
Sexy Optimus Prime
Robots in disguise...as streetwalkers.

Sexy Clockwork Orange 
 I think this one is worrisome, especially if you have ever SEEN A Clockwork Orange. I imagine Kubrick is spinning in his grave.
Sexy Cookie Monster
 What man will see this woman out a bar and think, "Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"?
Sexy Jack Skellington
 This one I had to see the title to know what it was. If you didn't see the tiny Jack Skellington mini beret, you might just think it was a run of the mill ho bag.  How embarrassing!
Sexy Chucky Doll
 This one I actually thought was mildly adorable. Horrifying, but adorable.
Sexy Ninja Turtle
 When my sister was in middle school, she made a ninja turtle costume out of a garbage can lid and a green hooded sweatshirt. Next at any time did thigh high patent boots come into the equation.

Sexy Marvin the Martian
 When I saw this, all I could think of is that scene in the Oscar winning motion picture Clueless when Britney Murphy (RIP) is talking about drawing cartoons with Travis Birkenstock and she excitedly exclaimed, "I can do Marvin the Martian!" Whole. New. Context...and so can you...
Sexy Phantom of the Opera
Of course, disfigured hermit who lives in the shadows....lets tart that up!

OK, speaking of horribly disfigured... the winner (drum roll please...)
Sexy Leatherface
Of course, I'm no stranger to the Halloween tents, I'm familiar with sexy Freddy Kreugger and even sexy Jason Vorhees- but this character is devoid of any identifiers that would lead you to believe it is the villian from the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In fact her face looks quite lovely, and decidedly unleathery. Call me a traditionalist, but I prefer my chainsaw wielding psychopaths as they were intended. The old fashioned way - minus the hooker boots.

Monday, September 12, 2011

my name is...

classy...
Aside from a short lived childhood campaign to change my name to Tiffany, [Tangent: This is not only after my favorite mall rock sensation but also my favorite Mickey Mouse Club member] I have always liked my name. I am not named after anyone...its just a name my parents liked and found fitting. Simple as that.

The other day somehow my music nerd of a boyfriend and I started talking music [SHOCKING!]. Through some circuitous dialogue, I started talking about a secret unfulfilled wish I've had since childhood. I revealed that I have always secretly been very upset with the lack of songs featuring my name. Its a gross injustice that some names like Maria and Gloria are featured in a half dozen songs while mine gets the shaft. [Tangent: I realize its a double edged sword to have your name featured in a song. If you name is Sherona, Jenny, Alison,Tyrone or Caroline or something to that persuasion- you fall victim to street serenades and people constantly referencing them in terrible cliched pickup lines that the person who is delivering will undoubtably think are terribly original.]  Ex: "Can I call you sometime. Don't worry, Jenny. I got your number. I'm gonna make you mine. 867-5309, right?." Cue the douchey laughter.]

He seemed in disbelief that no song had ever featured my name, but I assured him with the exception of Jack Johnson's Mud football, Kimmie was just not a name that easily slipped into poetic verse:

My best friend Kimi wants to go with you
So meet her by the sugar mill after school 

Through some research (i.e. google searching) years ago I realized Patti Smith has featured Kimberly in a song  [Tangent: I can't disagree. My given full name, Kimberly, name sounds a little less like a bimbo cocktail waitress than Kimmie.] I got all excited before realizing that in the context of the song, Kimberly is not the girl being heralded with song of ardor, but in fact, is the infant  subject of this darkly haunting song. [Tangent: maybe dying, maybe not...I think its open to interpretation. Patti Smith makes me feel dense.] Albeit an awesome song,  I never saw "Your soul was like a network of spittle." being something I would want to be synonymous with my name. Agree to disagree Ms. Smith.



Furthermore, I am not an infant [Tangent: I know, SPOILER ALERT!] so that song cannot be my anthem. Dammit. Why couldn't I have been named Fergie so I could have Fergilicious.

I have not googled "Kimberly song lyrics" in years, so today while my computer was on the fritz at work, I randomly decided some smart phone web browsing would be a good way to pass the time while I waited on our IT guy. My mission was to see if my name had caught on among songwriters. It had, however,  I did not expect that my name would go on to be synonymous with "Ho bag" courtesy of Marques Houston and his own song Kimberly. [Tangent: You can click on the link in blue for full lyrical content. I would have cut and pasted them in, but they are somewhat explicit and for some ungodly reason I am funneling a lot of traffic from some weird anime Russian porn site. I would rather not fuel that kind of readership, if I can help it.]

These were the only lyrics that weren't linking my namesake to bumping uglies, specifically.

More than just physical (its more than just physical Kimba)
Deep inside of every woman there's a Kimberly
She's incredible... (She's incredible)

Apparently, I am like a Russian doll. If deep inside every woman there's a Kimberly...what's inside a Kimberly? Apparently a whore. I completely disagree and take issue with this.  I am classy, dammit!

Because I am not up on my current R&B hitmakers, I decide to see who this MH character was. He had such amazing taste in song titles, yet such questionable taste in trashtastic ladies. Marques Houston? The name sounded kinda familiar. After a Wiki search, I realized that this man who was singing about making sweet love was indeed Roger from the 90's Jackee Harry seperated at birth sitcom, Sister! Sister! [Tangent: I can never take him seriously as a player, he had no game with Tia and Tamera.]



Yep. I have just accomplished something scholars have been toiling over for years. I have just somehow linked Jackee Harry and Patti Smith in less than 6 degrees. You're welcome.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

my 9/11 blog post...4 days early.

i really am excited I get another excuse to use this photo.

Today I was feeling less than stellar so the majority of my day was spent watching every movie that cable had to offer and watching a marathon of The Millionaire Matchmaker [Tangent: This show is completely despicable and based on gold diggery, but I cannot not watch it if I see it on. My Pavlovian response when hearing Patty Stanger say "Meet my millionaires!" is being completely useless for the duration of the day. Watching it also proves that maybe a haitus from reality TV is needed because twice during this week I have identified women in the dating pool as being former America's Next Top Model contestants. I wish I could say this was the first time I have cross referenced fame chasers, but it is only one more in a series. Clearly, I need intervention.] Other than absorbing all that Bravo has to offer, I watched some things that were not targeted at gays and rich old ladies. In my flipping around,  I noticed that the 10 year anniversary of September 11th had begun on nearly every channel.

one of the few tasteful images I could find when I googled 9/11 pics.

Because I like to completely rip off every other media source, I decided to blog about where I was/what I was doing on September 11, 2001. At the time, I was less than a month into my first year in college and was at my apartment's kitchen table cramming for a psychology test. [Tangent: My professor looked a little like an overly self-important Wario if I remember correctly...but that's not really principle to this story.] It was early still, but all of the TVs in the house were on Nickalodeon because my morning attendant, that had helped me get up and dressed for the day, brought her son with so I traded in a morning marathon of Saved By the Bell for something more 4 year old appropriate. When she left, I hadn't bothered to change it given that I knew I should focus on learning who the hell Phineas Gage was and not rewatch the Buddy Bands episode of SBTB for the 587th time. As you know, Nickalodeon and the Disney Channel were the only channels not interrupted by news briefings.



The phone rang and it was my roommate Andraea's father, who when I answered the phone just said, "It's a crazy world out there isn't it?" Like a dumb ass, not knowing what he was referring to, but not wanting to seem ignorant, (kinda like when you run into someone at Target who recognizes you and you don't recognize them), I just answered "Sure is, Mr. LaVant." He got quiet, so I remember asking him what he was talking about. He explained that a terrorist had attacked the twin towers. My ignorant 18 year old response, "didn't that happen like 10 years ago?" [Tangent: That's not completely ignorant...the World Trade Center had been bombed when I was in elementary school, I should get some credit for being so on top of current events at such a young age.] He then went into the details, but I still had no concept of the enormity of it all. I passed the house phone off to my roomie and flipped the TV to the news The images were horrifying [Tangent: I won't bother reposting them, because they are engrained on our memories.] 

I went about calling my own perpetually CNN'd father to get to the bottom of things. As soon as dad picked up the phone, I barraged him with questions and asked him why on earth he hadn't alerted me about this. [Tangent: I love my daddy, but he is one of those guys that sends you news clippings in the mail and will call you at work to tell you that a package came for you. I am clearly of his lineage, because he is an informant by nature.] He filled me in on some more of the details and confirmed that I wasn't completely misinformed, that this was not the first time the towers had been targeted by crazies.

My class was about to start, so I hustled on to my exam even though I still wanted to know more about what was going on. I'm pretty sure the class was only 2/3 full, but the test went on as planned. [Tangent: I told you...my professor was Wario.] I remember distinctly heading right back after the test, calling my brother in Pennsylvania on the way back to my apartment because I had heard one of the planes crashed there. After running through a mental list in my head, he was the only person I knew who may in some way be affected. Thankfully, he wasn't. I was lucky.

The next few days were laced with candlelight vigils and on campus meetings addressing things like potential gas crises and whether college campuses would be the next target. As hard as it was to be on my own for the first time ever during a time like this, it was an amazing time to be taking journalism classes. Everyday we discussed the events in details and furthermore talked about the coverage surrounding it. I will also forever remember being in the Mass Communications 1010: Intro to Journalism the next day. On 9/12, one of my most idolized and most difficult professors, Dr. Kimbrell delivered a heartfelt "sermon" [Tangent: I loved listening to that man speak. His lessons always seemed more akin to that than a lecture.] about waiting all day to talk to his daughter, who lived in New York and had walked across the Brooklyn Bridge with a group of other New Yorkers after the events at ground zero.  Ten years later, hindsight is 20/20- I wish I had the memory to recall his phrasing or forethought to scribble down some of his words of wisdom that day, but I can't forget the way I felt afterward. He reassured us that the eagle would fly again and I'm pretty sure got some applause and tears from this humbled American.

Yep, it is a pretty crazy world, Mr. LaVant.

Monday, September 5, 2011

the fatty is back

This is how my inner fat kid looks.
Lately, I have become obsessed with the new Facebook feature that allows you to see what your status was one year ago on that particular day. [Tangent: It's one of those Facebook features that I can never find on purpose. It just kind of ninjas out of the margins when I click off the homepage, so don't ask me how to find it purposefully, because I have nary an idea.] Anyway, because last August/September I was just getting back the ability to eat solid food after my staycation at Vanderbilt ICU, all of my updates to my concerned family and friends were about how much I wanted to eat or my milestones in getting to eat solid food and drink thin liquids. Honestly, it seems that's about all I had on my mind.  My inner fat kid had been restrained and apparently it was eager to get it's grub on judging my status updates like:

Best. Applejuice. Ever

Today has been excellent. Visits with friends and Taco Bell!

I have been breathing on my own for the last few hours, and have the OK for solid foods...who's bringing me Cracker Barrell?

Well a year later, I have definitely resumed my Cookie Monster mentality and would like to take cues from my inner fat kid [Tangent: this inner fatty does things like checks her cubicle entryway to make sure no coworkers catch her turning up a can of Xtreme Buffalo Pringles at 10 AM.] to rant about some crucial fat kid issues that have been plaguing me. If I were running for office- I would definitely build these into my platform. It also seems my readers like to hear about my inner fat kid, because 3/10 of my most read blogs are ones about eating copious amounts of junk food.


1. The Wendy's Situation:
I am not certain who dictated the shakeup of the Wendy's 99 cent menu, but I am fired up about it.  In the past I could easily buy a filling meal for under $4, by picking and choosing off that menu. [Tangent: I came from a big family and the urge to get the most bang for little buck is inherent.] I would get a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, 5 piece chicken nuggets, (because I was not a fan of old school Wendy's fries and found "more meat" to be a sensible side item), small coke and and small frosty. That was my well rounded order. However, now that order costs upwards of $5.50 because the nuggets and sandwich have been bumped off the value menu. It seems illogical that spicy nuggets remain under a dollar, but the non-spiced variety are $1.49. How does that make sense!?!? Have we learned nothing from Columbus- are spices not valuable!?? 

Ordinarily this kind of bombshell would drive a creature of habit, such as myself, running for the hills, but I am deriving compassion for the Dave Thomas and the Wendy's corporation when I think of their contributions to society, like their philanthropic giving and their ridiculous late 80s training videos, which I will be periodically stumble upon on youtube.

2. My love affair with Sonic
The carhops at Sonic know me, which to some would be signs of a problem, but I see it more as a comfort. It is the closest eatery to my home and is located directly en route from my office to my house. Conveniently, I get off most days at 3:00, which is smack dab in the middle of their half priced happy hour on beverages, so my patronage at this drive-in is completely warranted. It is my belief you could pour anything over Sonic ice (which is laced with crack I am certain) and it would be infinitely more refreshing. If I came into some money, this may even be one of my first purchases:
well worth the price. 
It is also no secret that I LOVE hotdogs, and the fact that sonic has extended their menu to include 8 wiener based entrees seems like someone at Sonic was reading my dream journal.
Also, they are one of the only fast food places that serves breakfast ALL DAY, which to me is excellent news, because I am generally not craving breakfasty foods before 10 AM [Tangent: Apparently, I am too busy filling up on potato crisps!] so the fact that I can eat a steak and egg breakfast burrito at 4:30 PM is quite exciting.

3. Limited edition flavors/limited edition delicious!
As I stated earlier, Pringles are one of my favorite things in life. I love their ever expanding list of flavors and dedication to making chips packaged in a tennis ball tube taste like completely different taste sensations.  Dill Pickle, loaded baked potato, mexican layered dip...It's kinda like the creative minds at the Pringles corporation were either stoned or pregnant (hopefully not concurrently). Whatever the impetus for this brilliant decision making, I am all for it. One day, I plan on using my unstamped passport to explore new and exciting foreign flavors overseas.
ooohh...pink pringles. The mind reels. 

OK, now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I will go back to eating ice cream. Sorry guys, this girls no longer on the market.
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