Sunday, January 1, 2012

big blog

Its January 1st...and if you know anything about me, you know I am a creature of habit so I am eerily doing exactly what I did last January 1st- sitting around in sweats, watching a Twilight Zone marathon on TV. [Tangent: I think that's what the cool kids refer to as "meta"...maybe...I don't know. I'm probably misusing that term Alanis Morissette style.] Anyway- the point of this is....sometimes comfort can be found in familiarity, but there's always the opportunity to do things a little differently, which brings me around to Big. [Tangent: Do not all roads lead to Tom Hanks? No? Well, in my mind/town they do.]

The other night, despite being exhausted by a napless work week [Tangent: I am a toddler and need my naps.] and leftover holiday lathargia, I made the conscious effort to stay up and watch Big on TBS at 1 AM. Have I seen it before? Yes...about a half million times. Have I seen it in the last 5 years? No. Is it still something I have somewhat committed to memory and reference regularly? ABSOLUTELY! [Tangent: In fact, sometimes I even have difficulty eating Triscuits without in my head or out loud singing "I had a girlfriend...a triscuit. She said, 'a triscuit....a biscuit.' Ice cream soda pop...vanilla on the top..." Truly, its a sickness.]

As the movie started to unroll in front of me, I began to realize that I can't watch and accept movies the same as I could when I was a child. The naivete is gone and my mind reels and I start thinking about reality too much. Ex: Elizabeth Perkin's character didn't seem that disturbed that she had basically made out with a thirteen year old boy for the last third of the film. She was upset, but not as grossed out as I believe she should have been. That's some Mary Kay Lateurneau shit. I would expect a Crying Game shower scene, where you scrub off the shame of your indiscretions, not a shrug and hug.

Because I had downloaded some new notepad app on my droid, I decided I would take some observational notes on the movie Big as I fought the inclination to sleep. [Tangent: Apparently I am suddenly too high tech for jotting blog ideas on the backs of bank statements in highlighter marker. Don't misunderstand- I'm still trashy.]  Here were my notes:

Josh's "bachelor pad" [Tangent: Which as a child I thought was the coolest loft ever and completely realistic place to live in NYC] has forever influenced how I envision how a guy's bachelor pad should be. I remember when my friend Chad got a divorce and was moving into his first place by himself, I asked him repeatedly if it had such features as: a Pepsi machine, a trampoline, assorted arcade games and bunk beds.

This brings me to item two: Bunk Beds. Do kids still get jacked up at the idea of having bunk beds? In my youth- they were super exciting. I even knew a lot of only children that would have traded anything for a bunk bed, but usually their parents didn't love them enough. But, do kids today give a shit? I would guess children are too spoiled with Ipods and Wiis and Rock Star Elmos; two beds stacked atop each other just kind of lose their prestige.

How did he score the job at this company? Was there any sort of background check? Even to get a shitty retail job, a person needs references and like 8 forms of identification- these rules clearly don't apply to Josh Baskin. This is the big leagues- a huge toy company, MacMillan Toys, that develops robots that transform into buildings and choose your own adventure comic books; they should keep better tabs on their job applicants, especially if they seem slightly underdeveloped mentally. [Tangent: Another observation: That choose your own adventure comic book seemed about a decade ahead of its time.]

Also, on my notepad, I typed "Platex bra" because of the scene where molester Elizabeth Perkins is putting the swerve on Joshy in adult form and lets him cop a feel, it was all I could look at.  I remember thinking this was super risque as a child, but today all I can think about is how unflattering 80's undergarments were. Bras have definitely come a long way in 20 years. [Tangent: Also, everytime they have a kissing scene, I secretly wanted him to say "she tasted like cigarettes." It would be the ultimate Forrest Gump crossover. ]

At the fancy work party, when he wears the amazing white Liberace tux and eats baby corn ridiculously, [Tangent: When I eat Chinese takeout, I always have to eat at least one baby corn like this...or at least contemplate it.] he gets disgusted by eating caviar and decides a milkshake will cure him. As a child, this seemed like a logical course of action, but as an adult the mixture of fish roe and dairy makes me dry heave. 
Last but certainly not least, I think John Lovitz should play the pervy coworker/friend in every movie [Tangent: If Jason Alexander isn't available.]


  1. so true that Jason Alexander is by far the best person for the 'creepy' co-worker. He plays it so well! Totally an overlooked oscar performance in Pretty Woman.

  2. Just watched this the other night! I love it. And of course, I always think of that Office episode where Michael says that "growing into a man overnight" means that the character Tom Hanks played in Big is a person with a disability. Double prizes!

  3. All parents want to provide their child with the best available products on the market especially when that product is a necessity, such as a child wheelchair and most parents will choose one that is most versatile and competent to perform almost any type of activity even if they are extremely expensive.

    1. Why am I in your archives, you ask?
      Well I ask what the heck does this comment above even mean?? ;)
      I read your old posts when I'm sick at home with the flu.....


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