Wednesday, February 8, 2012

so now I'm a zombie...literally.

Sometimes I get bored on the internet, I discover very necessary things like this or this. Other times, I feel like I have seen everything there is to see. Yesterday on my break at work, when I randomly decided to google my name, I  realized I could still be brought to a fit of giggles by interweb shananigans. [Tangent: Yes. I realize its stupid, but its something I do this from time to time...mostly to see if there is anything lurking out there I don't know about. Usually I just find links to my outdated myspace page or links to someone else's black planet page or mugshots. I have a very common name.]

Amid the sea of twitter links and obituaries [Tangent: Spoiler alert: they weren't mine! That's not where the zombie part comes in...although that would make this a much juicier posting! Sorry guys.], I found this:

So...of course, without hesitation...I clicked on it and it was so much worse more amazing than I could have ever envisioned. Photo and storyline attached courtesy of etsy seller:

• Missing left arm
• Right foot broken but attached

Little Kimmie Jones knew how to get her way, just tear up and her mom was like putty in her hands. Kimmie begged and pleaded with her sister Shellie to take her to the park after gymnastics, but when she didn’t get her way she let out a wail “MOMMMMMM!!!” , and as always mom sided with little Kimmie.
Feeling awfully proud of herself on the ride to the park, Kimmie could care less that her sister had other plans and flung the door open as soon as they arrived. Without her sister’s permission, she darted for the swing set. She was so excited she didn’t even notice the cannibal hunched over a half eaten toddler at the bottom of the slide. When she hopped up on the swing she heard a rustling in the bushes behind her and suddenly a hoard of flesh eating zombies surrounded her…

Each Zarbie comes with a story card upon purchase.

Wow, this was a lot to process.  This weird altered barbie doll with the whited out corneas, being sold for the seemingly high price of $8.99 on a craft site, had stolen my personae. She was short and flat chested and brunette...if you had to describe me with 3 words, you would be hard pressed to find better ones. Also, according to the storyline, she has a sister and acts kind of obnoxious. BINGO! This crafter totally has me down to a science. Apparently I am a zombie barbie.

This brings me to a dark secret I have been harboring, which I need to come clean about. Since the age of about 12, I have amassed a ridiculous Barbie collection [Tangent: Why 12? Well that is the age when playing with a 11 1/2 doll becomes completely socially unacceptable. But, if you say you're a collector- you look fancy and not pathetic.]  I stopped when I went to college and realized my investments would offer no return and were no longer bringing me joy, but I probably have 40-50 mint in the box. I almost forget I have them because they are boxed up in the attic, because I feel like that's a hard thing to display and not come off like a complete sad shut-in. Four dozen hot pink cardboard boxes are not easy to work into a vintage botanical bedroom decor. Shocking I know, but I am neither a gay Bob Mackie enthusiast or an aspiring playboy playmate- so a Barbie collection is a hard thing for me to easily pull off.

However, inside my heart of hearts, there is still that teenage Barbie fan that got really excited when learning that there was a doll available for purchase that in some twisted undead fashion, was made in my likeness. [Tangent: OK, I am not delusional...I know the name and features are completely coincidental.] Only I would be excited about something like this, I am completely aware.

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