Monday, February 27, 2012

they were just friends in low places


So the other day, I revealed this on my blog's Facebook page: [Tangent: WHAT!?!?! You haven't "liked" my blog's page on Facebook? What the hell is wrong with you? How else am I supposed to feel validated in life unless I am being "liked" on a social media site? No seriously, how else?]

The idea that upwards of 3 people were asking google that same question on a given Sunday made me giggle until all my nasal cavities and throat all convened in a snort festival of sorts. What brought these inquiries about? Surely it was not coincidental; there must have been some pop cultural event that somehow flew under my US Weekly reading/E! News watching radar. Was Garth spotted making out with Rupert Everett or was he getting his own Logo series? There had to be a reason for this questioning of sexuality, besides this obvious one...
worst concept ever.
You may not realize this [Tangent: unless you read this Garth-centric blog post or know me personally and know that I am a ginormous tool], but I have a soft spot in my heart that can only me filled by Garth. Because I was a big fan in middle school, his music still makes me 8 shades of happy. Although it really didn't matter if The Dance was same-sex only; being a fan, I felt like I had to know the truth- so I turned to the web, because it has never led me astray [Tangent: ...or is it that it always leads me astray. Can't recall.]

I learned a lot of things in this cursory quest, namely that wiki-answers has a whole category entitled "Celebrity Sexual Orientation." Also, that Tom Cruise alledgedly wrestled with a gay prostitute [Tangent: Literally...like in a singlet.], but I was coming up a bit short on concrete proof that Garth had friends in downlow places.  Basically, the only proof that many sites offered to support these allegations were that Mr. Brooks won a GLAAD media award for including the following lyric in We Shall Be Free: 
When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
Really??!?!? Internet, that's all you got?!?!? So because he supports gay marriage than he must be gay- right? Well, if we follow this mold then I am clearly a raging lesbian. I really don't think that a gay man would outfit himself primarily in Canadian tuxedos [Tangent: Even if he didn't hypothetically comply to the tried and true stereotype that gay men dress snappily, I'm sure he would have some gay hypothetical friends that would steer him away from some of the following looks, which all seem to center around unfortunate blouses.]



I can only assume that someone closed minded and gay-hating decided to pin some allegations on Mr. Brooks. Until I see  naked pictures of him making out with Andy Cohen for myself, I will continue to believe that his marriage to Trisha Yearwood is valid. If I am wrong, that's cool, too. The country world needs some shaking up. In the meantime, I leave you with the following to fill your quota of gay Garth Brooks. You're welcome.

1 comment:

  1. lmao! You are so witty and i love the Tangents. Very entertaining read!

    ReplyDelete

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