Saturday, March 24, 2012

it's bridesmaid time again

My lovely friend Alicia, whose moustache romance I chronicled in this post, is getting married in May. This means I am honored by once again donning my bridesmaid hat [Tangent: This is only time number 4. I am by no means auditioning for 27 Dresses 2: Electric Boogaloo. I love a theme party and weddings are just about the greatest theme party there is, so it is in no way a chore....its like rolling VIP with people I love.] The bride- to-be is taking a relaxed approach to her nuptuals and as a nice twist, we bridesmaids get to wear whatever the hell we want...with the stipulation that it is blue and not too fancy. This seemed easy enough, right? But why was it so stressful. I had never considered how nerve wracking it would be to have choose my own ensemble that would be chronicled in someone's family album for decades.

Given that time was running out before her ceremony in May, I took to the internet. Because I have zero boobage and am built like an Olsen twin [Tangent: Not even a svelte Olsen twin an Olsen twin during their straight to VHS detective series.], I usually have more luck finding dresses in the Juniors department. Unfortunately, I don't share the kind of trend chasing aesthetic that most 17 year olds strive for. [Tangent: Can you blame me? I'm pushing I would say that is understandable to feel like I can't pull off certain looks. And trust I rock a lot of them. Jeggings are my best friend.] 

It also seems that the "looks" for Spring 2012 are "early 90's prostitute" or "C&C Music Factory backup dancer" which made it very hard to find something that would be appropriate at a religious rite.

As the days of search have gone by, I have been sending Alicia pictures of some of the looks in my size available that would fit her stipulation of "blue and not too fancy."

Unfortunately, the theme for the wedding is not Kelly I had all but given up. On a whim, however, I googled "juniors dresses" and fell upon a site called the 1015 store, where everything was either $10 or $15. As can be assumed with things at this price point, most of the dresses were blatant clubwear/"feelin' on ya booty" kinds of frocks [Tangent: Usually featuring one, but not limited to one of the following: faux leather, fringe, faux fur, laces, cut outs or the ever rare pink zebra print.]. However, one rose from the spadex ashes, striking me as totally perfect, so I ordered it fully anticipating a dirty dishrag held together with used dental floss to arrive on my doorstep, wreaking of meth lab. [Tangent: My apologies, but if you had been on the dress quest I had, you would feel similarly dejected. The $15 price tag had me both excited and nervous]

Happily, the dress arrived at my address last weekend. I tentatively opened it and was actually really cute.  Potentially extremely flammable, but you can't have anything. [Tangent: Anyway, maybe I could have my own Katniss Everdeen fire dress moment.] And unlike most bridesmaid dresses, I'll wear this again.


  1. i told my bridesmaids to get anything black. and we put on matching ribbon sashes (not miss america style, like a belt) and i feel like it was a lot less stressful than having them shell out 250 bucks for something they dont' even like! i haven't been a bridesmaid before! i hope if i am, the bride will be nice and let me get something normal. i love the one you ended up with! though i would also love to see you rock the lace back bra front one. that's a good look.

  2. Looks like skank is still in for the teens. My parents would have whooped me within an inch of my life if I'd brought anything like those dresses home. I really like the dress that you got- super cute! And wow, $15 - you can't beat that!

    I wish that I were shaped like an Olsen Twin. I'm shaped more like Uncle Joey.

  3. I have been a groomsmen 4 times. The last time my friend told me to wear a black suit, so I bought two at a Buy one get one free Men's Warehouse sale. I'm so thankful that I didn't have to rent a matching tux again...since I already own a used one. That said, I now own two suits and a tux, so I always find excuses to dress up fancy. I'll be performing a magic act next weekend.


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