Friday, March 16, 2012

welcome to the 21st century, kimmie

I consider myself semi tech savvy. I admit admit things like "jailbreaking a droid" still baffle my noggin, but dammit, I have a blog- I at least should have mastered the interweb. WRONG! Occasionally, just when I feel like I am getting my footing, some big reminder smacks me in the face that I know absolutely nothing.

Not too long ago, one such reminder was posted on my Facebook's timeline [Tangent: Still getting used to referring to it as a timeline.]:

My bone to pick today is the dreaded web acronym [Tangent: Wackronym?] You know the ones: LOL, FTW, BRB etc. Despite seeing and hearing these phrases everywhere, I am generally too embarassed or don't care enough to I usually just make something up or draw my own conclusions. [Tangent: Although I had seen NSFW, meaning allegedly Not Safe For Work, I kinda assumed it was a hardcore band I was not familiar with MXPX of NOFX. To avoid seeming out of the loop- I generally just smile and nod.] I wish I could say this was the only one I had to look up on Urban Dictionary, it is not. I am an old old woman, so do it more often that I would like to admit. 

actual definition: Fresh to death as in "lookin' FTD in head to toe Ed Hardy" [<---blech]
kimmie definition: a florist who makes lovely and overpriced sunny sentiments bouquets

[Tangent: I sincerely wondered why so any 17 year olds were oddly obsessed with floral arranging...]

actual definition: Shaking my head (ex: "The coat I bought at Old Navy had a sucked on Dum Dum in the pocket. It was root beer. SMH.")
Kimmie definition: shut my hole? 

[Tangent: I seriously couldn't fathom what SMH stood for...I still am not sure how to use it appropriately. The example I just came up with may be way off base.]

It's not just things in the tech universe that have me all wonky. I have recently come to another shameful epiphany. These two things are not the same. 

Sure, when they are side my side...the logo for Browning [Tangent: Which is apparently an outdoor company...But how would I know that?] and the logo for the Dave Matthews Band do no look THAT similar. But in my defense, they don't look THAT dissimilar, especially when you are driving or seeing it from a distance.

 I cannot express to you how many times I saw the deer head logo before A). I realized it was indeed a deer and not some abstract Kokapelli and B.) That it had nothing to do with the "Ants Marching" singer.  [Tangent: Also, in defense of my stupidity, it's not 1999, so the number of DMB dancer logos on the backs of cars has diminished considerably.] It happened semi regularly, I would roll up behind a beat up Ford with what I now have determined is a Browning sticker [Tangent: Many times positioned above some vaguely racist stab at Obama and one of those "witty" Ford pees on Chevy stickers.] and think, "huh...that doesn't seem like a Dave Matthews fan."

I think its safe to assume that knowing all the words to "The Bartman" and being able to quote the entire seizure scene from Steel Magnolias is taking up precious brain space that should be allotted to deductive reasoning. Oh well.


  1. Dear lord. I never realized that was a deer head either!! And those acronyms. Don't let them bother you. Surely they'll go away sooner or later. I hope. Though TMI could be "Too Much Insulin" when one thinks about it.

  2. hahaha, well i have never seen FTD OR SMH. I had to google GPOY. I remember a long time ago, when AIM was cool, i typed "LMAO" to a friend and she asked if that was german. Hahaha.
    You know what is terrible? I heard a discussion on NPR on whether kids should be allowed to turn in school work in "text speak" and a lot of people, including teachers, were saying yes!


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