Thursday, March 22, 2012

zombie! zombie! zombie-eeee-eeeee!

photo courtesy of my friend Binkley. That's me as a zombie. I am not really a zombie.

I hate being left out...its probably the worst feeling ever for me. This probably stems from always having to be the score keeper during gym class or something, but I wont get all Karl Jung on you readers. Because of this, I try to stay in the loop of what people are talking about. Lately it seems all my friends have been caught up in Walking Dead hysteria. So many cryptic facebook statuses and internet memes that I don't understand- its infuriating. I finally put my foot down and decided I wanted in on the jokes. Like what is "pulling a shane?" I needed to know. TO NETFLIX!

yes...there is a whole tumblr of walking dead memes: http://the-walking-dead-funny.tumblr.com/

Thankfully season 1 was only 6 episodes so I have been able to knock it out fairly quickly. Also, as you know I am a lover of dystopian end of the world stuff and have a very high gross out tolerance, so this just seemed like my perfect cup of zombie tea. [Tangent: I am not sure why I have been so hesitant...I feel like part of me doesn't want to get too wrapped up in the zombie fad. I mean first vampires....now zombies...what mythical superhuman being is gonna be foisted upon us next. Fingers crossed its the unicorn.] So far I am really enjoying the series and it is only reinforcing my belief that I would make the worst zombie Apocalypse survivor ever ever. [Tangent: This is not to be confused with being the "worst zombie ever", which is something that I have reflected on before.]. After being almost done with Season 1, I can go ahead and confirm: If the US is being overtaken my the undead, go ahead and throw me out for bait because I will be worthless to your cause. 

1. I need electricity-
I don't even go to Bonnaroo because I feel I cannot go three days without an outlet with with to plug my wheelchair charger or my breathing treatment machine...so an infinite number of days squatting in a forrest to keep away from "the walkies" is out of the question. 


2. I can't run
This should not be newsworthy, but I feel there is a lot of running involved in keeping the human race human. Unless you are prepared to yoda pack me to outrun the seemingly slow shufflin' fellows with the massive oozing wounds, then just count me out. 


3. I don't do guns
They freak me out. Yeah...2nd amendment...yadda yadda. If you want guns, go for it, just keep them away from me. I hate them [Tangent: Maybe I was Abe Lincoln in a past life. That would also explain my love of equality and beards.] Between the loud noise and the recoil from a shot, they just seem like a bad idea for me. I would surely seize up and cry. 


I realize the surest way to kill the walking dead is a shot to the noggin, but I would be much more effective with some sort of other weapon. If couldn't be an ax or a rake, because those are kind of cumbersome for someone of my below average arm strength. What about a ninja throwing star or one of those deadly mortal kombat fans the chick had in the second game? If those were readily available, I would consider trying to fight for the cause.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my Jesus, you're hilarious. I'd totally want you in my camp because humor is something that we'd need. I'd take care of all the gun shootin' and you could make me laugh as I try to clean zombie splash-back off of my face. I'm so glad that you're watching the show. The Mister and I thought that it was going to be really stupid but were hooked from the very first episode. It's a super gore fest.

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  2. travis has been preparing for the zombie apocalypse for years, and i tell him time and again to please just shoot me immediately because i can't take it. so i'll be bait with you.
    i get SO SCARED during zombie movies, and during that show. but i really like it. i can't wait for more episodes to be on netflix.

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