Thursday, June 21, 2012

"an oddly sexual duck adventure"

When I was younger, my parents made the horrible error of having premium cable, and thus spoiling me for life [Tangent: Part of me envies the children of helicopter parents because they seem so mystical to me, but I know all the words to the Gummi Bears theme I guess I come out the big winner.]. There were a number of movies that I watched more than is healthy for a child under 8...They are as follows:

These are all movies that remain frozen in time and I am hesitant to revisit them because I feel they will not hold up. [Tangent: I know what you are thinking...Soul Man is a movie about C. Thomas Howell in black could that not hold up?] Due to the nostalgic feelings I feel towards these films being my childhood babysitters- I feel I can only be disappointed by reviewing them as an adult. 

This hypothesis proved true last night when I decided to watch Howard the Duck, which my friend Randi referred to as an "oddly sexual duck adventure" [Tangent: Given this was not my first choice for programming...but my parents just got the AT&T U-verse package and I am flustered by the 1800 stations. I feel like I need a compass to navigate through it. I know Bravo is on 181, so I can at least I have that going for me.] Maybe because I originally watched this movie with 8-year-old child like naivete, I didn't realize how creepy it really was.

Basically this little documentary is about a martian duck that is trying to get it on ducky style with Caroline in the City for about an hour and a half [Tangent: It's a total Roger Rabbit/Jessica Rabbit beastiality moment that didn't phase me as a child, but totally takes me out of the movie as an adult. It's not even just harmless flirting- she is all prancing around in her 80's undies in front of her duck friend and his feathers get all ruffled, literally. INAPPROPRIATE! ]

 If you can get past that taboo subplot, you will notice Principal Rooney from Ferris Bueller is basically playing his niche role as "man who is trying to hunt down title character for most of the film." 

Also, as is the case with 90% of 80s movies, there is a smokey dangerous looking dance club involved and of course Caroline in the City helms an all ladies punk rock band that in the end sings a rocking song all about her new mutant duck creepy friend that brings the house down. Because that is what 80s movies are all about - interspecies love and mall bangs. 


  1. Nice review. When I was little my favorite movies were Passenger 57 and Under Siege. Luckily we turned out ok.

  2. Good stuff! I just watched a review of "Flight of the Navigator" done by Bob and Carl: Sci-fi janitors that touched on this same creepy movie subplot. Yay Puppets!

  3. i've never seen that. i remember the video cover at the grocery store when i was little, and it always seemed scary to me.
    i watched grease CONSTANTLY when i was kid, and sang the sound track, and i can't believe i never realized that in greased lightening there was the line "you know that I ain't braggin she's a real pussy wagon". i wonder what the heck i thought it said! and why my parents didn't take the tape away! haha.

    1. Also addressed in that song: getting head


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