Sunday, July 22, 2012

beating a dead horse...another criminal minds blog

There is no way of sugarcoating my nerdy obsession with Criminal Minds. Since I live with my parents, I could basically give you brief character synopses and plot outline for every crime drama that is on the airwaves. However, as stated in this blog, my allegiance remains steadfast with Criminal Minds. It's the absolute finest. Hands down. [Tangent: I love it so much that a few weeks at Tuesday night pub trivia, I literally extreme anxiety over not knowing the full title to the Criminal Minds Forrest Whitaker/Janeane Garafola spin-off (it was Suspect Behavior). In my defense, if Spencer Reid isn't involved, I am inclined not to watch.]

Some of my friends have said they were big fans until the show got too dark. Is it weird that I thought that's when it started getting good. Examples of some of my favorite unsub profiles --- that's some lingo for you.

1. A woman in her forties (who may or may not have been played by Darla from A League of Their Own) who is using her handicapped van to kidnap woman and then turn them into living dolls by giving them paralyzing drugs. 

2. A taxi driver is kidnapping good smelling ladies, killing them and using their "essence" to turn into candles.

3. A taxidermist who is stealing human's eyes to use in his animal taxidermy. 

Another key component is that the homicidal maniacs they are tracking down almost are exclusively from a pool of 90's celebrities who you haven't really heard much from in a while. [Tangent: I have this fantasy that the producers have cut out people out of old Bop! magazines and put them into a hat to aid in the casting process.]....Ex: Frankie Muniz as a schitzo comic book artist, Will Wheaton as a panty stealer who owns a rustic lodge, Dean Cain as a murderer with a gambling addiction and James Van Der Beek as a killer who hunts his victims Most Dangerous Game style. Don't believe me...the internet will back me up...

It has gotten to the point, where I start just assuming every killer is from my childhood, prompting textchanges like this:

Today I rewatched one of my favorite teen dream episodes...the one where Luke Perry was a cult leader with many underage wives.  Swoon.  I guess when his wife, Toni Marchete McKay, was killed on the night of their wedding, he was driven to dellusion thinking he was a prophet [Tangent: Can you tell I often blur the lines of my fictitious characters?] 

I was always team Brandon Walsh, so I am just waiting for him to appear as killer ice cream man or something so I can check him off the list. 
proof of my nerdy 90210 love.
Sweet dreams.


  1. the only crime drama i have ever been in to was law and order: svu, but the three plots you posted up there have me criminal minds on netflix...

    1. Not sure. The reruns are on any given day/ time but I know you don't have cable. You'd love it

  2. i am a friend of rae's and i've been stalking your blog for a while, but after reading this i feel like we need to be BFFs. dude! i love criminal minds! love! and those episodes you listed are totally some of my favorites. the wil wheaton/snuff one is definitely one of my top picks. i think i love that specific episode because not only is wil wheaton the killer... but he's trying to rape/murder louise from teen witch! ugh. so good!

    1. Ahhhh!!! I did not realize that was Louise. This news is life changing. And thanks for stalking. Keep it up.

  3. I'm totally with you. The dark ones don't bother me. I remember seeing the one that had Jason Alexander from Seinfeld in it and couldn't suspend disbelief long enough to not think of him as "George" though. I totally mixed the taxidermist, eye stealer one!!

    1. THE JASON ALEXANDER EPISODE IS ON! How did I miss this one!??! It is crazy.


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