Thursday, August 30, 2012

another full house blog!?!?!?

This August began with this blog indirectly revealing my unabashed allegience to a little sitcom called Full House....and today's blog is going to directly reveal this fact...so buckle up, kiddos...its about to take a detour to Lamesville.

This sad savantism for all things Tanner has never really been a secret. I've completely become at peace with this embarrassing aspect of my personality. I came. I'm lame. I'm Kimmie. Get used to it.  [Tangent: My knowledge about this program and it's impact on my childhood can only be rivaled by Saved By the Bell and possibly 90210.] My favorite thing in life is Fridays and reading the entries on Full House Reviewed, a site my friend Ryan pointed out to me several months back. Basically its a guy who angrily watches every episode and writes entries like these:

" Michelle’s good side dresses like a hippy and tells her not to do bad things and the evil one dresses like Little Steven from the E Street band and acts like a condescending asshole, which isn’t really very much different from how Michelle acts most of the time anyway."


"Jesse eagerly tells DJ that he hopes his twins are a boy and a girl so he can name them Elvis and Priscilla. Ok, never mind how creepy his stupid Elvis obsession is even, just think about how he wants to name his children after a married couple. Jesse then goes on a big thing about how a persons name determines their whole life and then DJ asks him why he’s so obsessed with names even though he just explained why. Jesse then alludes to having gotten some shit about his name as a kid but then he doesn’t want to say more, which prompts DJ to invade his privacy in the very near future. What else did he think would happen? Privacy and the full house are like Joey and hilarious jokes."

I could really go on and on because I exchange favorite passages every Friday with Ryan, Jamie and my friend and fellow blogger Carri. [Tangent: One would think with all this hype that I know this blogger or am receiving kickbacks, but that is false. I just genuinely am just an ardent fan.] This week, the blogger behind fullhousereviewed.com, has moved on to the Steve episodes and I was reminded of my childhood crush on Steve... and Alladin by proxy. [Tangent: Yeah, I had a crush on a cartoon character when I was younger...what of it? Alladin was a ripped Arab from the wrong side of the tracks. He was able to pull of harem pants, could sing and dance and owned a pet monkey. I'm sure that answers your question over why I was smitten.]

even though alladdin has no nipples, he is still an attractive cartoon.

About a year ago, this same friend who turned me on to the website, sent me a picture of a Full House board game that he spotted at Goodwill with the caption: "This is $2, do you need this." Although, I said I probably didn't, Ryan bought it for me anyway and despite seeing me at least bimonthly, he has been hoarding it at his house.  [Tangent: I was starting to believe he was an Indian giver or was using this game to pick up ladies, because what lady doesn't love the Tanner clan.]


On Tuesday night, at Trivia, he finally brought me the game and it was thrilling. I was imagining all the boozy game nights playing my new game, before coming to the startling conclusion that no one was actually gonna play this with me.  In fact the whole game is like Sorry, in that you are trying to get your Tanner back around the board back to the Full House [Tangent: I think its obvious that I would permanently be Gibbler, because I have rocked that nickname for years.] Along the way you have occasionally pick up Joey's joke cards, which are just as dated and obnoxious as his actual standup routine on the show. It saddened me that its likely no one would actually wanna play this game...luckily my boyfriend made me feel slightly better....
the fact that he emoji'd the "cut it out" made me love him a little more. It's clear we are tremendous nerds.
This textchange slalomed me into a late night google image search of Full House ridiculousness where I found things like this:

 ...and learned that Walter aka "duckface" aka Stephanie Tanner's secret boyfriend who she kinda dicked over has not really aged at all. He still looks the exact same. 

 [Tangent: I wonder how he feels about teenage girls totally stealing his duckface look and plastering their selfies all over Facebook? The world may never know.]

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