Friday, August 10, 2012

breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes something you have poured all your time and love and excitement into runs its course. The  abrupt ending leaves your nights suddenly open and your heart and head in a tailspin. Although you saw it coming and prepared yourself for the return to an empty life, it still jars you.  You weren't ready to stop making memories, you wished things could just last forever. You try to see the bright side and realize that the emotional roller coaster,  the loss of sleep, the obsessive dependency and teary outbursts are no way to live day to day, so you pick yourself up from the breakup and move on, knowing that there is surely something new on the horizon or maybe something that was there all along that has gone ignored. This is how I feel...because I know this weekend I will be breaking up... with the Olympics. [Tangent: Gotcha! Shamylan twist! I know you thought I was breaking up with my honey and you were mistaken. That's not happening.]

Athleticism and just a general interest in sports is not something you would ever attribute to my name. [Exhibit A.] After you pick your chin up off the floor at this groundbreaking revelation, and remember that I still think Larry Byrd is playing for the Celtics, [Tangent: In my world, I base all my assumptions about sports on NBA Jams or Joe Montana Football for Sega Genesis.] hear me out. The Olympic Games, no matter summer or winter, are one of the times I will become completely enraptured by a televised sporting event.  Doesn't matter what sport. I don't discriminate. In fact, I was really disappointed that I missed all the rhythmic gymnastics or syncronized swimming.

Because in the coming days, I know we will all be inundated with Olympic Moment Montages, I decided to do one preemptively with the things I will miss most, which will likely differ from those of Mr. Costas [Tangent: Who by the way has been sporting some horn rimmed eyewear the last two days and looks very spicy!]

1.  I will miss the athletes with porny names: Destinee Hooker, Diamond Dixon and lest we forget Dong Dong, deemed "Double Dong" by my fella, on trampoline! [Tangent: The final one led to a bevvy or bouncing Dong entenders between me and Jamie. Is that what the intended purpose of the Olympics is?]

2. I will miss finding doppelgangers for different Olympians:

Michael Bolton looks like this older Belgian fella on the rings:
I can never see Michael Phelps without seeing Gheorge Murasan [Tangent: I know I said I knew little of sports earlier, but I know My Giant.]

After hearing McKayla Maroney compared to Posh Spice on twitter, it is all I could see. The scowl is spot on.

3. I will miss the inspirational stories that totally make you fall in love with some athlete that was told they'd never walk again/is from a war torn nation/comes from a broken home/is a victim of sexual abuse/had a death of a close family member/underwent a recent surgery/was shot/missed their senior prom to train etc. All these things are equal in the Olympic arena. They will all make you cry and feel supremely lazy as you watch sprinters and shove reheated Chinese food down your pie hole.

4. I will miss having a random gymnast tumble into your heart. Of course, Gabby Douglass did! But, what about that 37 year old German lady with the bowl cut, competing against girls who haven't even gotten their period yet...or the Chilean with the molester 'stache. Those are the heroes I will remember.

5. I will miss having Olympic nerd textchanges with my friend/brother from another mother, Brandon. He is one of the only people that I can count on watching 24/7 with me and being on the spot for constant commentary.

Thanks 2012 Olympic Games. This tryst has been fun. Maybe we can do it again in a few years. For now I will have a heap of McKayla Maroney memes to keep me company.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry :( There's more fish in the sea and Olympics to be seen.


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