Wednesday, September 5, 2012

damn your eyes

It's been about a week since I have posted and lots of interesting blog-worthy things have occurred [Tangent: Among them being my friend Beth being published on the Huffington Post site with her amazing piece on faith healing. You may remember her from this stint as my guest blogger.  I feel lucky that I roll with such a def posse. Yes, I said "def posse." Although, I have a mouthful to say about the subject of faith healing, I could never put it so eloquently or back it up with any kind of biblical fact, as I am far from a scholar in that matter. If that source material was in my hands, there would just be a lot of me saying, "leave me be, ass munch." My views are just not huff-post-worthy.], yet for some reason today I feel moved to write about the most unsavory of these occurrences that has befallen me. The reason that I have been avoiding the blaring light of my laptop screen is because I have pink eye. [Tangent: No, no one farted in my pillowcase.]

Because I have terrible luck health wise and seem to accrue every possible ailment, of course I have had this before. [Tangent: With my track record, It is truly shocking that I haven't found a way to bring back rickets or polio. ] As soon as I started getting the itch, I knew what it was the conjunctivis and a trip to the walk-in clinic, my home away from home, was in my near future.  Because my mom/roommate had been foaming at the eyes for a week, I was somewhat on the lookout for any eye irritation. In my household, my mom was patient zero. She was the gay flight attendant...the rhesus monkey...you get the idea.  Soon after I acquired it, my dad did and now all of us look like we were extras in 28 Days Later.
Everyone keeps telling me that I don't look as foul as I think I do, but I really do feel like I am giving off a distinctive quasi modo vibe.

when you have this affliction, you are unable to wear contacts or eye makeup, so I now have an excuse for my not giving a damn (for a change)
Luckily,  I am armed with an arsenal of hand sanitizer and antibiotics, I am trying my damnedest to keep the evilness of pink eye contained. Lest I learned nothing from Gwenyth in a little documentary called Contagion! If you for some reason contract it at some point [Tangent: Hopefully not from me or a pillowcase fart.] your eyes are in store for about a week of that burning "smoky bar" feeling and mornings of eye crust...and days of people telling you immediately not to touch them. Also, you will be hella light sensitive. Because of this, I am gonna be cutting this blog rant short, but not before I leave you with a parting gift. This is some guy that I was told looks like my boyfriend singing my blog's title. Seemed totally apropos.


2 comments:

  1. agh!!!! You've just got to get better so we can rock out some rhwony...and you can feel good and all that jazz. At least you have some pretty cute glasses... and I bet you could leave work early...for the health of others :)

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  2. Oh, ouch! I've never had pink eye but have seen many a person suffer from it. It seems absolutely horrible. And my cat has had it. I imagine that you're easier to get eye ointment into but still, I know you want to scratch and bite long about now.

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