Sunday, November 25, 2012

growing backwards with time.

My mind has been scattered a bit lately with so many things on my plate that I completely neglected to post this last week. Here is my post (that I wrote last week) a bit belated.
"Some say with age that a purpose comes clear
I see the opposite happening here
Are we losing the fight?
Are we growing backwards with time?"
- my boyfriends, The Avett Brothers
So I'm 30- do I feel any different? No. Have I checked anything off a "things I want to do by 30" list? Negative. Despite feeling super geriatric most days, other days I feel like I'm still an incompetent teenager. I'm wondering if the Avett Bros have a point and if I am having some kind of early mid-life crisis that is causing transgression- or perhaps I never grew up fully in the first place. [Tangent: Exhibit A: I don't know how to behave when all dressed up anymore. Makeup is something that has not been on my face in weeks, hence why I felt the need to make "lipstick lips" in this photo.]

My birthday weekend really vacillated between being elderly and being adolescent. There clearly is no middle ground. On Saturday evening, I was planning a get together with my close friends- Mexican food at Rosepepper followed by after party at my honey’s. 

Nothing crazy just some celebration of me being old. Although I already have a bit of a dress addiction, I felt I needed a new dress…so where did I go- The Juniors department at Belk- which seems like a youthful things to do.[Tangent: I am 4’11 and weight under 100 lbs. so  yes, I shop in juniors a great deal. However I am now 30, so I am so turned off by 90% of things that are deemed “cutting edge fashion.” Example, why is stretch burgundy velour and see through fluorescent lace making a comeback. Yes, when I was shopping around for my 8th grade Christmas dance dress- I purchased things that fell under this umbrella…but 1995 was a simpler time. I’m sure the Gin Blossoms would agree. ]

When rolling through the racks searching for something without studs or patent leather insets- I realized the median age of the shoppers was roughly 15 and they were all looking at me like I needed to be taken out behind the galleria and shot, maybe because I kept picking up the weird velvet bustiers and commenting, “I would never leave my daughter out of the house wearing this.” [Tangent: My hypothetical daughter of course.]  I guess sometimes I forget my surroundings and that I was clearly infringing on their territory.

[In case you were wondering I did end up finding a really cute Swiss dot golden yellow cap sleeve party dress that I am slightly obsessedwith. If I was a fashion blogger and/or didn’t get a little drunk at my party- there would probably be pictures. But I am old, and apparently have lost that younger inclination to take pictures of everyone and everything. But he’s a picture of someone age appropriate wearing the garment.]

Then on the way to my birthday festivities, I got pulled over by the cops for driving on embarrassingly expired tags. I am hesitant to say how expired they are, but its obscene. All I can say is that my boyfriend refers to me as the Walter White of driving on expired tags, because I somehow have evaded the authorities. This recklessness seems on the surface very immature and thoughtless, but in my defense, it is kind of outta my control. [Tangent: I have tried to get my emissions tested multiple times and have always failed due to a check engine light, which no mechanic can seem to turn off. Once again foiled by my robot vehicle.. ] Because Saturday night, they were filming a scene from Nashville in downtown by the Panera , Metros finest were out in excess, and Kimmie (aka Heisenberg) was finally nabbed.With great 30 year old maturity, I stated my case to the nice looking mocha sweet cop, who it was later pointed out may have been a stripper, and without crying or playing the “its my birthday” card got off without a ticket.  [Tangent: Although, to immediately override my wisdom and calmness under fire, I took a selfie of being pulled over…because I clearly am not as evolved as I try to think I am. ]

On Sunday morning, the day of my actual birthday, I started out by getting in touch with my inner tween and watching Drive me Crazy.[Tangent: You know the movie named after the Britney Spears song starring Clarissa Darling, Entourage’s Vincent Chase, that bitchy girl from Center Stage and Rev Camden from 7th Heaven.followed by watching MTV, which I seriously haven’t done in about 2 years. To be fair, I was watching Catfish: The Series, from the makers of that weird ass documentary (?) that I kind of love. [Tangent: Saying it is based on an  documentary seems to make it less depressing and more intelligent than simply saying I was watching the network which has for some inexplicable reason, green lit multiple seasons of Jersey Shore.] All of this juvenile behavior was soon completely forgotten because I spent the rest of my birthday Targeting and eating a reheated casserole- which the gentile older soccer mom inside me deemed a perfect way to spend an afternoon.

So I guess, I am not sure if I am moving backwards or forwards with time- right now I am just pleased to be sitting still for a moment.


  1. I love your dress! And the self-portrait while getting busted. Surely some mechanic can just pull the fuse on that old check engine light long enough for you to get your test completed? Who do we see about this?

    And trust me - thirty is waaaay young. I'll give you ten years before I tell you what forty feels like though because I don't want to depress you. In other words, live the next ten years up! And it sounds like you're off to a great start. Target and casseroles are definitely two of the finest things in life.

    1. Thanks love! I will work on it...because having 13 months expired tags is embarassing!

  2. Happy Birthday lovely! That dress is super cute. I love the junior's department- mostly because of the prices. But those clothes are not built for ladies with hips. Every time I try something on I feel defeated.

    Heisenberg lives!

    1. YOU ARE TEENY! What are you talking about!?!? Yes, I have gotten so used to shopping juniors that when I wear "big girl" adult clothes- I feel odd. Like they are always too big in the boobs...obviously.

  3. Oh my word. My 30th just came a few weeks ago and was just as anticlimactic. Maybe more. You should read my Bday post and feel better about yours (this totally sounds like lame self promotion, doesn't it?) Happy belated, by the way :)

    1. I DID READ!!! I think cleaning and treasure hunting with a new older gentleman friend seems super fun! I am slightly jealous.

    2. Oh no. You didn't read the follow up of what actually went down, then. That would've been the highlight of my year if it transpired.... and just cuz it's too funny not to mention, I must let you know that the stretch burgundy pants I wear (in EVERY photo apparently) are in fact corduroy not velour. Just so you know that I'm not one of "them" ;) Cracked up when I read that!!

    3. I'm on the edge of my seat...will delve into the archives later! Thanks!


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