Friday, November 30, 2012

my early work

Today my sister is in town and we she was cleaning out the extra bedroom, which has become the catch all for everything we don't know what to do with. While getting things spiffy, she unearthed the nostalgia mother load. [Tangent: This treasure trove of spiral bound journals and newspaper clippings was even better than the creepy collection of relics from my childhood Catholic education featured in this blog.] Prepare yourself for an onslaught of blogs featuring what an ass I was in my elementary days.
look at that nerd with the Dorothy Hamill Haircut!

Because I write and spew my thoughts into the interweb a couple times a week, I thought you would appreciate the thought provoking exposes that I wrote in the late 80's/early '90s. Growing up, our teachers made us write in a journal daily on a variety of topics, like "where would you fly if you were a kite and could go anywhere?" [Tangent: I answered Florida...I clearly reached for the stars.] There were also a lot of entries about my cocker spaniel, my teddy bear and how much I loved Shoney's.

There were also times when I talked about my dreams and aspirations...which only proved my delusion...




 Yes. That's right. I apparently had a stretch in second grade where I aspired to be a sausage fingered model/actress/singer in an off the shoulder pink gown...holding dollar bills. Before you write me off as being a terrible youth, please note that I also was globally conscious. [Tangent: These pictures also prove that I have basically been liberal since childhood.]

this was one of roughly 20 journal entries I wrote about the Gulf War

my sister is still asking me what a "life of stunt" entails.

Perhaps the greatest thing we found in the piles and piles of ridiculousness was this project my brother wrote about East Germany. It wasn't so much the paper itself, which was basically just information about the former country of East Germany; the best part was the jazzy cover. It's what I like to call Hitler Glitz!

yes. that's a sparkly swastika.
to be continued...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

nailed it.

For those of you new to my life, you may not know that after college, and before my current job in InsuranceLand- I worked at a retail establishment that rhymes with Schmictoria’s Schmecret for about 3 years. For those of you that can figure out obvious clues, I will tell you that I didn’t work amid thongs and balconnet bras; I worked exclusively in VS Beauty, where I daily coated my face in shimmer between customers and always came home smelling like a baby prostitute [Tangent: To the point where I would blow my nose sometimes and glitter would come out, literally. This is how I imagine Tinkerbell’s snot looks. Btw: Tinkerbell’s Snot will be the name of my hypothetical all girl metal band.]. It was part of my job description to look polished.  Such a glamorous life making under $8 an hour.
 
Since then, I have become decidedly less groomed. [Ex: Today despite having a pimple bindi style in the middle of my forehead, I decided against covering it up, because I was running late, and opted instead to rock it proudly. In fact I only further highlighted it by pulling my shaggy bangs off my forehead with a headband. If you are gonna go, go balls (or pimples) out.] The Kimmie of today doesn’t give a damn but is striving everyday to not become a glamour don’t/”before” on What Not To Wear. In order to step up my game, I have recently tried to keep my nails painted, because something about putting lacquer on my nails is super relaxing and makes me feel like I am somehow using my useless art minor.
 
Because I am a tremendous puss, I of course started out only having various shades of nude and taupe. [Tangent: TRES EDGY! ] The stores however, with their crazy diversified color selections have lured me into completely embracing some other nail trends that seem to be all the rage among fashion bloggers. Now, I can be seen pink polka dots on the daily- helping me find the girly-ness that somehow has gotten lost in the shuffle.
ta-da!

After reading a negative review of the new press on manicures [aka Lee Press-Ons 2.0]  by Lauren at Old Red Boots- my mind started bursting with commentary on manicure matters. [Tangent: Why are press-on manicures making a comeback? I know they make sense in theory, but they are only being held on my a sticker. I remember my sister wore them to her 8th grade dance and lost most of them by the time my mom picked her up before curfew. As I recall, she ended up leaving some of them between the couch cushions at a friends house. That visual has kept me from purchasing the revamped Sally Hansen package every time I pass them at the drug store.]  Thankfully Old Red Boots confirmed that they are still terrible, even in their 2012 version.

whenever I see these, I see them as a sponsor of some 80s game show

  On the other hand, I have sort of fallen in love with crackle polish, which I impulse bought in triplicate when I saw it in a clearance basket on the end caps at Walgreen’s. The first time I tried it, with red layered over gunmetal gray, I was horrified. My nails looked like Freddy Kreugger flesh, which was not exactly the aesthetic I was aiming for.  The sparse directions on the bottle were terrible and made me temporarily regret doling out $3 on these products. After some googling and asking around, I learned there is a secret to making it look funky and not tragic.
  1. Apply 2 coats of a good quality polish.
  2. Apply a ridiculous thick coating of Crackle.
  3. DO NOT SECOND COAT THE CRACKLE EVEN THOUGH THE DUMB ASS BOTTLE TELLS YOU TO!
  4. Clear coat the whole shebang so its not bumpy as hell.  
  5. Enjoy the magic. 


I still can't tell if this looks good or bad.
That manicure type, because of all the layers, seems to stay put pretty well, which is key if you are a slacker with maintaining things. But don’t confuse it for the disease that is chunky glitter polish. [Tangent: It is like a terrible boyfriend, it looks pretty on the surface, but it so hard to get rid of.] I’m the girl that has made myself late to work  because I underestimated the daunting task of scrubbing chunky glitter topcoat off my nails. If you have never done it before, imagine the futility of taking a cotton ball and scrubbing it over steel wool. If you don't mind awkward tactility- then go for it! [Tangent: I mean it can be mighty pretty.]

It would almost be a better idea to keep adding more glitter to cover the bare patches forever. That is basically what you are up against…if there is an easier way to get rid of the herpes of polish, please let me know…or tell me I am being hyperdramatic.
 
Ok…now off to fix this debacle…
no filter needed for this breed of ugly.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Little people...big world

Sometimes you have to find diamonds in dog shit. My dads been really sick lately and spent the last couple weeks in the hospital, and I've had to strain for positive things in my periphery. Thankfully my sweet beam of sunshine, my niece Ellie, came to visit just when the light was needed most. For that I was exceedingly thankful. It's impossible to be sad when she is around.

Although I really need no excuse to shower my best gal with ridiculous tiny outfits and toys I want to play with- her first birthday is right around the corner. My spending was legitimized. To keep with the theme of buying my ladybug things to make her awesome, my mom and I bought her a toy from one of my favorite childhood lines- Fisher Price Little People. [Tangent: When I was wee, the Little People toys were basically Caucasian ball heads on little primary colored peg bodies. Today they literally look like little people...like with varying forms of dwarfism. ]

The Little People of my day...

Little People of today...literally LPs
We brought home the Little People School Bus and when I was pushing Carlos the bus driver to make the lights flash, I noticed this on the box, proving further that the little people franchise had only evolved and been made more awesome in my book:



Yes, I had just inadvertently bought my niece her first toy that came with adaptive equipment.  [Tangent: It was sort of a short bus, I guess I was blind not to see it.] In the back of the bus, you could snap any of the characters in and out of the little kelly green wheelchair, so they could all experience the awesome. Here is Ellie embracing diversity by snapping Maggie, aka mini Sally Jesse Raphael, onto her new wheels:



This kind of thing never existed when I was little, but I am glad it does now! Although I  get no kickback from the Fisher Price company, I completely think everyone should own one...even adults. [Tangent: I mean, that bus song is mighty catchy.]

Sunday, November 25, 2012

growing backwards with time.

My mind has been scattered a bit lately with so many things on my plate that I completely neglected to post this last week. Here is my post (that I wrote last week) a bit belated.
"Some say with age that a purpose comes clear
I see the opposite happening here
Are we losing the fight?
Are we growing backwards with time?"
- my boyfriends, The Avett Brothers
So I'm 30- do I feel any different? No. Have I checked anything off a "things I want to do by 30" list? Negative. Despite feeling super geriatric most days, other days I feel like I'm still an incompetent teenager. I'm wondering if the Avett Bros have a point and if I am having some kind of early mid-life crisis that is causing transgression- or perhaps I never grew up fully in the first place. [Tangent: Exhibit A: I don't know how to behave when all dressed up anymore. Makeup is something that has not been on my face in weeks, hence why I felt the need to make "lipstick lips" in this photo.]


My birthday weekend really vacillated between being elderly and being adolescent. There clearly is no middle ground. On Saturday evening, I was planning a get together with my close friends- Mexican food at Rosepepper followed by after party at my honey’s. 


Nothing crazy just some celebration of me being old. Although I already have a bit of a dress addiction, I felt I needed a new dress…so where did I go- The Juniors department at Belk- which seems like a youthful things to do.[Tangent: I am 4’11 and weight under 100 lbs. so  yes, I shop in juniors a great deal. However I am now 30, so I am so turned off by 90% of things that are deemed “cutting edge fashion.” Example, why is stretch burgundy velour and see through fluorescent lace making a comeback. Yes, when I was shopping around for my 8th grade Christmas dance dress- I purchased things that fell under this umbrella…but 1995 was a simpler time. I’m sure the Gin Blossoms would agree. ]

When rolling through the racks searching for something without studs or patent leather insets- I realized the median age of the shoppers was roughly 15 and they were all looking at me like I needed to be taken out behind the galleria and shot, maybe because I kept picking up the weird velvet bustiers and commenting, “I would never leave my daughter out of the house wearing this.” [Tangent: My hypothetical daughter of course.]  I guess sometimes I forget my surroundings and that I was clearly infringing on their territory.

[In case you were wondering I did end up finding a really cute Swiss dot golden yellow cap sleeve party dress that I am slightly obsessedwith. If I was a fashion blogger and/or didn’t get a little drunk at my party- there would probably be pictures. But I am old, and apparently have lost that younger inclination to take pictures of everyone and everything. But he’s a picture of someone age appropriate wearing the garment.]

Then on the way to my birthday festivities, I got pulled over by the cops for driving on embarrassingly expired tags. I am hesitant to say how expired they are, but its obscene. All I can say is that my boyfriend refers to me as the Walter White of driving on expired tags, because I somehow have evaded the authorities. This recklessness seems on the surface very immature and thoughtless, but in my defense, it is kind of outta my control. [Tangent: I have tried to get my emissions tested multiple times and have always failed due to a check engine light, which no mechanic can seem to turn off. Once again foiled by my robot vehicle.. ] Because Saturday night, they were filming a scene from Nashville in downtown by the Panera , Metros finest were out in excess, and Kimmie (aka Heisenberg) was finally nabbed.With great 30 year old maturity, I stated my case to the nice looking mocha sweet cop, who it was later pointed out may have been a stripper, and without crying or playing the “its my birthday” card got off without a ticket.  [Tangent: Although, to immediately override my wisdom and calmness under fire, I took a selfie of being pulled over…because I clearly am not as evolved as I try to think I am. ]

On Sunday morning, the day of my actual birthday, I started out by getting in touch with my inner tween and watching Drive me Crazy.[Tangent: You know the movie named after the Britney Spears song starring Clarissa Darling, Entourage’s Vincent Chase, that bitchy girl from Center Stage and Rev Camden from 7th Heaven.followed by watching MTV, which I seriously haven’t done in about 2 years. To be fair, I was watching Catfish: The Series, from the makers of that weird ass documentary (?) that I kind of love. [Tangent: Saying it is based on an  documentary seems to make it less depressing and more intelligent than simply saying I was watching the network which has for some inexplicable reason, green lit multiple seasons of Jersey Shore.] All of this juvenile behavior was soon completely forgotten because I spent the rest of my birthday Targeting and eating a reheated casserole- which the gentile older soccer mom inside me deemed a perfect way to spend an afternoon.

So I guess, I am not sure if I am moving backwards or forwards with time- right now I am just pleased to be sitting still for a moment.

Friday, November 16, 2012

m'glasses

When I was in 2nd grade, I got my first pair of glasses. They were red, and together with my nightly news anchor bob, I definitely looked like a pint sized, brunette Sally Jesse Raphael. For some reason I was insanely insecure/self important regarding my new spectacles, and I may or may not have had my mother write my teacher a note telling her that I was anxious about showcasing my new glasses in class and to be sensitive to my feelings. [Tangent: This random insecurity was completely unfounded. Despite being a total nerd in a wheelchair with terrible buck teeth and a grating voice, I had never been the target of bullying. Apparently I assumed the glasses would be the tipping point and suddenly I would become the sacrificial lamb of Lipscomb elementary school. This didn’t happen. ] 
 
My dad mistakenly threw this fashion forward eyewear away, and for 2 years after that, I wore my sister’s hand-me-down glasses which were lavender and ginormous and made me look more awkward than I already was. After that I vacillated between frames that made me look like Harry Potter  and/or Benjamin Franklin with braces. Then, one day, the gods smiled upon me and I got contacts. [Tangent: It was like that scene in She’s All That where my glasses got removed and suddenly I felt pretty.]

 
Somewhere in college, that started to change and today I love my glasses, and most days would wear them over contacts [Tangent: This is probably partially attributed to the fact that I am recklessly lazy and will leave the same disposable contacts in my eyes for weeks at a time until they pop out of my eyes trying to spare themselves…like people off the Titanic.]. They allow me to cover up the fact that I neglect to put on eye makeup most mornings and look like I tried. It’s the same reason I wear scarves most days. It pulls things together and makes it look like I give a damn.
 
 Once I discovered that if I had my RX in hand,  I could cheaply and easily order glasses off the ‘net , this love of glasses was really kicked up a notch. I have turned several of my friends onto these sites and am often asked which ones I like. Since I am pondering buying a fourth pair as a birthday gift to myself [Tangent: I’ll be 30 on Sunday and really want to fulfil my childhood dream to be Lisa Loeb.],  I thought the time was nigh for me to blog about it and tell you which sites were the easiest, cheapest, had the cutest eyeglass cases included…etc. 

A few years ago, a friend introduced me to Warby Parker, which now has an in-store display at Imogene+ Willie so says Facebook. [Tangent: I am poor and unhip so I don’t know firsthand].  All of their styles are based on vintage styles and are $95 including the RX. There are a lot of pros/cons to this site.


  • The packaging is amazing. I realize this is shallow, but the gray/baby blue/white color scheme really does it for me
  • They seem to fit well and be substantial, at least my frames did. I am rough on things and am not made to have nice things, so this is key.
  • They will buy a pair for someone else in need for every pair purchased. They are the Toms of eye wear. You can feel like a good egg- which should be a plus, right?
  • Although $95 is cheap compared to what you would pay at your Optometrist, once you visit other sites, it is comparatively pricey.
  • They have free try-on where they will send you 5 frames of your choice to try on in person and send back when you have reached a decision. Although, I opted out of this because I was impatient, I have had several friends do this and they highly praised it.
My second pair was one that is frequented by a lot of my coworkers, Zenni Optical. The glasses complete with lenses start out at $6.95, which struck me as too good to be true, but I got out paying about $22 total and getting some pretty cute glasses. I’m sure I could have gotten out cheaper, but I insist on having the anti-glare coating so that I won’t look like a freak in flash photos.

 
  • The pupilary distance is something you have to know for your RX. This is rarely on a prescription so you will have to google how to measure it and get a steady handed friend to help. It is super easy, so don’t find it daunting.  Once you order a pair, they will include a pupilary distance ruler with your order to make it easier for your return visit.
  • The frames are not ALL especially fashion forward. There are some duds, but there are certainly some diamonds in the rough.
  • Although the frames are not exactly what I imagined they would look like- I really liked them and wear them semi-regularly even though my sister says they remind her of those lavender hand-me-downs we shared circa ’93.
  • Because they are inexpensive, the bells and whistles are minimal. The case is kinda janky, but who cares? You also aren’t getting any big name designer glasses, but once again – That matters very little to me.
My most recent, and possibly my favorite frames came from Coastal Contacts. My friend Alex is obsessed with their frames, and the fever has caught me


  • There first pair is FREE! Well, not completely- it’s free if your RX is very light.  Mine is mediocre so I had to pay a little so I wouldn’t be gazing through coke bottle bottoms and pay a little extra to get glare-free, but I still paid under $20 for the transaction.
  • If you follow them on Facebook, they are constantly giving offers for ways to get more free pairs. It is definitely worth the status updates.
  • They carry several big named designers like Calvin Klein and Nicole Miller. My frames, which I fell in love with, are aptly named- Love.
  • I was impressed with the quality of a free pair of glasses. The only issue I have is that, because they are not custom fitted- they slide down on my nose a lot.
  • They are constantly running promotions for free shipping or getting 2 pairs for $89, etc.
So my question is- WHY ARE YOU BUYING GLASSES ANY OTHER WAY? After online buying, I will never go back to shelling out $300 for a pair that I am just luke warm about. I think the winner in my book is Coastal Contacts, but that’s because I am a cheapskate. There is no ill will towards any of these websites; I implore you to check them out and decide for yourself. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

nice package

There are few joys in life greater than getting a package in the mail. [Tangent: And I don't mean a certified letter or a fat envelope filled with boring 401K info; I mean a legit package.] That 30 seconds of elation when you see a box on your front stoop or sticking out of your mailbox is priceless and possibly the impetus for my Ebay, Etsy and online shopping addictions. 

So today I have decided to start a feature that may or may not be an ongoing thing depending on my stick-to-it-tiveness. I call it "nice package" because I am classy...and will feature either really cool packaging or really cool products that I have gotten in the mail.

You know how they say, it's what's on the inside that counts? Well, sometimes that is bullshit? [Tangent: Why else would I have saved the Savannah College of Art & Design catalog from 10 years ago for the sole purpose of making it my design porn? The packaging design in that book would make heads roll. Don't judge me.] Further proof could be the fact that I may or may not have squealed when I recieved a literal "brown paper package tied up with string" from an overseas Etsy seller.
pardon the blur.
Who uses string anymore!?!?! That little detail was very exciting, so if you need an adorable iPhone case, like the one I got below, please go check out Nap Page, who uses napkins to make adorable phone accessories. [Tangent: Luckily not feminine napkins, that would be decidedly unsavory.]

Then yesterday I got some of my goodies for funding the kickstarter for a Moustache May friend. I'd been stalking his homemade marshmallow store called Wondermade for quite some time, lusting after the fun flavors like honey pear and pumpkin pie, so was excited that I could try a box for helping him raise money for a storefront in Florida. The only problem was the packaging was so frickin' cute, I didn't wanna break the seal.  The stripes, the colors, the font! It's all so happy- as marshmallows should be.



 The bottom picture was my order. Curiosity finally got the best of me and I busted open the Bourbon mallows to eat with my coffee this morning. Such a delicious idea. Liquor and sweets?!!?  My friend Alex also suggested that they would make a killer s'more! The likelihood of me making another order before the holidays is very high so I can take my cocoa to the next level.

mutual stalking society meet up

Last week, at trivia, my friend Rae, of Say it Ain't So, invited me to go to a happy hour meet up for some  Nashville lady bloggers. Both of us are pretty obsessive bloggers and were stoked at the prospect of being able to completely nerd out with ladies of similar sensibilities. [Tangent: My week has been insane, being that I am a shitty juggler and trying to keep about 12 metaphorical balls in the air. A brief reprieve and a vodka tonic was mandatory.]

Because the prospect of going to a bar I'd never been to [Tangent: Btw- The Stone Fox in West Nashville is pretty damned charming and cozy. I highly recommend if you are ever on that side of town, which I never am. C'est La Vie.] to meet a bunch of strangers seemed daunting, we decided to carpool to keep ourselves accountable and sane. No clue why there was nervousness, every blogger I know is the most hilarious open book imaginable. These sweet sassy dames were no exception. My mind is already popping with collaboration ideas...and/or ways I can steal their brilliance.

It's amazing that I took no pictures and nor did any of the other gals, so I will just set a mental picture for ya. Everyone was adorable and the market on quirky glasses was definitely cornered. All talented in different ways that truly blew my mind and made me feel like I needed to step up my game. [Tangent: I mean I don't make my own clothing, and likely never will...but I like to have aspirations.] These are truly my people.

We went around the circle and talked about our blogs, which is something my non blogger friends are so incredibly sick of hearing about. There were wedding bloggers, DIY bloggers, fashion bloggers and vintage bloggers...and then there was me who writes a lot about my childhood, reality TV, Full House, bathroom etiquette and live music. Much harder to explain to a group of strangers. [Tangent: To know me is to love me, to not know me is to think I am a lunatic.] This new blogging group is one I am really excited about, so I decided the ladies I met last night deserved some pimping. Here are some links to add to your reading lists:


Hope you find one that tickles your fancy...

Saturday, November 10, 2012

lisa frank-ly my dear, I don't give a damn.


When I was in fourth grade, a major trend swept the recesses at Lipscomb Elementary Schools- if you were living and breathing and possessed the XX chromosomes at that time in my zip code, you collected erasers or you were nothing. [Tangent: As an adult, I have since learned this trend did not take the nation by storm, like I once believed it did. When I have asked friends who grew up in different parts of the country, "but didn't you collect erasers when you were little?"- they stare at my incredulously and believe that I had a very lame upbringing.]  In 1992, I was the proud owner of a toolbox brimming with mini novelty erasers, that served no utility but making me a hoarder, and hopefully making my friends blind with jealousy...because isn't that the goal of every tween girl in the suburbs? Although there was a smattering of Hello Kittys and Keroppis, the majority of the unused pieces of flourescent rubber were Lisa Frank originals.
I can confirm I had all of these and then some. In fact,  the sheep dogs melted in the sun at recess and looked horrifying.
The whole joy of eraser collecting was that you would trade with your friends to complete sets and get ones that were very sought after. For some reason I remember there were these little Lisa Frank candy corn erasers that were all the rage with the Ked set. I remember the term "collector's item" being tossed around liberally regarding several of the designs that they stopped selling.

So why is this relevent? Well, a couple years ago I was rehashing this memory with a friend from grade school and we both started cracking up recalling how dumb we were to believe anyone in years to come would give two purple shits about our neon school supplies. Well, apparently I underestimated capitalism because I started seeing Urban Outfitters selling exorbitantly priced "vintage" Lisa Frank items. [Tangent: Ugh. Maybe its the fact that I am turning 30 next week, but I am exceedingly uncomfortable with relics from my formative years being deemed vintage. A similar shudder is sent through my core when I see Foo Fighters shirts being sold under a sign reading "vintage tees" at my local Target store. It is unsettling.] Nostalgia is my middle name, but even I wouldn't spend $20 for a notepad and a pencil emblazoned with fuscia unicorns.
pretty sure I am regretting tossing that eraser collection about now. 

Then today,  I found out that other savvy people were turning their plasticized paper into gold on Etsy. Like this seller is selling a 6" golden retriever sticker for nearly $11. This seems excessive, but then again I am not as heavy into sticker collecting as I once was. I'd let this all pass without feeling moved to vent on the internet...and then I saw this:

Ok, maybe on some level I can see selling the backpack, but I would like to meet the crazy that dishes out $75 to purchase the atrocity. And I don't know if I can summon the words to describe a wooden box simply encrusted in stickers...because pretty sure my childhood set of drawers looked identical to that  Surely that should be worth a cool thousand, right!?

Instead of buying a Bunny Ballerina trapper keeper to be nostalgic of "vintage" pop culture- watch this video as I silently curse myself for tossing my eraser collection when I was packing for college.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

300

Sometimes, I am really bad at observing milestones. I was never that girl that needed  7 dozen roses on her 7 week anniversary, however it doesn’t mean I don’t care- it just means I am forgetful. Anyway, today I realized last week’s blog about Taylor Swift and her questionable partnership with Papa Johns was my 300th blog! [Full Disclosure: Somehow writing that entry made me incredibly curious about what it was all about, therefore I have now joined the legion of duck-lipped teens across the nation- and have purchased the Red album. To be honest- it’s enjoyable. I have had a terrible week and all I needed was some power pop with unnecessary dub step and “like” laced monologue interruptions to make me take my  mind off my troubles. ]  How have  I possibly had 300 separate topics to discuss? That is baffling to me. 

In order to keep with the weekly theme of half-assed lazy postings, I thought I would show you some of my findings when I goggled my blog’s name. Like amid all the gobblety gook below that I don't understand,  I learned my blog is valued at $255! No clue how that arbitrary value was configured by some third party spamming site- but I’m confident that their word is bond. I am ready to take that $255 and quit my job. [Tangent: With my penchant for impulse purchasing (see above Taylor Swift album)- I am pretty sure I could stretch that out for about one week at best.]

 
Also I learned my blog is somehow being linked to several Russian adult toy sites. Although I am in no position to turn away publicity, thanks but no thanks, Slavic blow up doll vendors.  Your demographic is likely not interested in my breed of snark. Please take me off your search list or unsubscribe me or whatever you do. I’m only to assume that they caught wind of me through one of my most popular image searches:


Many other interesting things I learned about myself when googling. [Tangent: Who knew search engines could lead to self discovery?] Most of my blog topics are somehow centered around a drunken Batman or me being a fat girl in a skinny kids body. The first is a topic I don’t recall directly addressing.
Judging by all this, they are assuming I am Asian and or interested in things like Prom DJs and Ugg Boots. Both assumptions are false.

 


In other news, next week I am going to a Nashville blogger meet up with two of my favorite fellow bloggers Rae of Say it Ain’t So and Kelly of Ranch Dressing with Earth Kitsch.  I have this premonition that it will be awkward x 1000, but I am intrigued by the prospect to meet other blogging weirdos, such as myself…especially given I  know every detail about some of their lives already via interweb. Trust, I will be writing about it.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

inquiring minds want to know...again.

I get it, when you are different- you are a curiosity. This is a proven fact. Being a wheeled one for all my life, I have gotten my fair share of questions that have left my mouth agape. 

And I know, my high school Pre-Cal teacher used to tell us that there were no stupid questions...but I have grown to find that is a falsity. There are A LOT of dumb questions, and I have recently rediscovered the site where all these idiotic queries congregate; that Valhalla is Yahoo Answers. 

 True- if you don't ask, you'll never know, but I find it unsettling that some people have no other resources to bounce their thoughts off of. In lieu of asking a parent or a friend or a coworker or even a street vagrant, they shoot their inquiries into cyber space and hope not to get heckled or sometimes, even worse, get their stupidity validated by their peers.

As I have done once before in this post, I decided to see what kind of questions were being asked about wheelchair users in yahoo-land.  There were a lot of weird ones, particularly from a jokester named Diego who asked a heap of questions about bodily fluids and functions such as: "How do I convince someone that I am not farting and that it is my seat cushion?" [Tangent: We've all been there.] or "What do I do if there is poop all over my wheelchair cushion?" Here are some of the others that were new to me...

*This one seemed odd. Unless they were in a tragic tetherball incident, I really don't see the harm...unless it's me and then I have absolutely no interest in talking about sports with you, but not because I am hypersensitive- I just don't care.


This was actually asked several times. Is this a thing?
yep, that's about all there is...
This was one of my favorites, I think I would accept the answer simply because "W' would be a hard ass letter
*I love that this person has spent a lot of time mulling this over, because I have never once thought of this.
WHY!?!??!?



 The last one is actually rather thought provoking, but almost a little too deep/heavy for Yahoo Answers! where 99% of the questions were different phrasings of "how do disabled people do it?"  
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