i lost on jeopardy, baby

My bucket list is a shallow one. The things I want to do are pretty reasonable: put some stamps in my passport; have my makeup done by a drag queen..etc.  However, "be a contestant on a game show" is one I just can't seem to cross off.  [Tangent: We all know that I have a not-so-guilty love of all things involving trivia, time limits or lightning rounds. I mean, I have dedicated blogs to my weird obsession with Supermarket Sweep, Family Feud and Let's Make a Deal.]

In college, my neighbor and I were first in line when the Wheel Mobile visited the MTSU campus one Saturday. Although I think Wheel of Fortune takes little to no skill, and I was unsure if I would even be able to reach the big wheel to “give it a spin,” I saw it a means to reaching my goal . Sadly, after watching some local factory workers miss the obvious ‘Before and After’ clues, we didn’t even get called to the stage, and all I got was a Wheel of Fortune retractable pen, which went Bankrupt the second time I used it.

I should have learned my lesson, because the previous summer, when I was fresh outta High School and possibly still sporting do rags as a fashion statement, my dad and I on an adventure endured heat stroke and a self-inflicted bout of heartburn to try out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire? (This was during the pre-Meridith Vierra days; The Regis Philbin hosted hayday of the series.).  I apparently did pretty well on all the written tests because I made it all the way to the judging panel and have been wading in the contestant pool for the last 9 years. Perhaps they were concerned about boosting my ass into the high stool or that the scary over dramatic lighting might induce seizure, which, let’s be honest, are valid concerns.

Third times a charm, right? I thought so, anyway, because last week I decided to sign up for Jeopardy after seeing on last week's airing that they were looking for contestants in the Nashville area. Immediately, I went to the website and signed up to take the online smartness test. [Tangent: I am pretty delusional. Apparently I assumed the categories were gonna be "90s Simpsons episodes," "Song titles" and "John Stamos" and had not prepared myself for all the questions that might require knowledge of The Bible or Geography. Yikes.] 

etsy gold.

Yesterday, I finally took the test which consisted of about 50 questions, which made me feel like I should be back on the short bus. [Tangent: It's the same defeated feeling I get when I leave 5 pegs on the peg board at Cracker Barrell. That's worse than an ignor-a-moose. It's so dumb there is no witty put down inscribed on the wood. That's a rough feeling. ] If you ever want to be put into your place go and take the practice tests online.  You may think you are such a trivia master when you are at home sweeping the  categories "John Hughs films" or "Fast Food Jingles,"  but then a moustache-less Alex Trebek will bitch slap you into submission. He'll make you realize in his condescending manner that you are not as smart as you thought you were. Take em out, Weird Al!