Monday, January 28, 2013

instagram...I'm doing it wrong

As you can see by my right hand margin...I am on instagram.  Feel free to follow me if you wanna see gratuitous pictures of my niece and my doggies interspersed with funny things I see in my daily life and blurry pictures I take at shows which I dellusionally think look like cutting edge rock and roll photography.  [Tangent: Although they are present in my feed, I rarely take pictures of food, because no one wants to see pictures of reheated leftovers. #leftovers #yummy...or up close selfie shots #adultacne #gross #pastyface.] Since my boyfriend is now an instagram celeb and has random followers based on the fact that he has enviable facial hair,  I am starting to realize that I am going about it the wrong way. [Tangent: His new groupies are my new past time. They hashtag everything and take a lot of mirror shots of them pouting with lots of eyeliner on. They're kind of ridiculous and I am pretty sure want his junk.] I will never be instagram famous... and I am 100% OK with that.
...but Newman might be.
 The other day, Jamie and I hit the explore option on instagram to determine what kinds of things are getting 10's of thousands of "likes". Once we saw that it is 50% female torsos with spangly belly button rings and 49% dudes with Bieber hair looking really surprised in the mirror while their iPhone is in the shot, we lost all faith in humanity.  [Tangent: There was one teen boy from Tennesee who  took the same picture in his bathroom daily (or so it appeared) alternating between an Abercrombie logo sweatshirt and his nude pre pubescent torso. He had thousands of likes on each one. I would post it, but felt like Perverted Justice may come after me.] Because I am elderly, I didn't realize until recently that there is a name for these souls that gain infamy on the web for just taking selfies in bathroom mirrors  making duckface whilst having half their face covered with hair.  These people are called site models. Yeah, that's a image search verified.

 After reassembling our shattered minds and picking our jaws up off the floor, we found what made up the other 1% and it made us laugh uncontrollably for several minutes. @thatbucketlists is worth its weight in comedic gold. Basically, people type things they wanna do before they die overlayed onto some kind of corresponding stock photography and submit it to this user. Some of the goals are understandable:
  • Visit all 50 states
  • windsurf
  • kiss a dophin
  • hold a baby monkey (no, I didn't send that in...but I find it commendable.)
  • Eat Pizza in Italy
  • Etc.
But then there are the others, which I can only assume can be attributed to those17-year-old site models, that are not so much the loftiest of goals :



 Now go back and look how many thousands of people agreed with these aspirations. Now tell me if you are worried about society. 


  1. hahah! i love that instagram. and i guess i can die happy now that i have been on a movie date. #bestgoals

  2. Wow, I've done SO MUCH and hadn't even realized it. I hate to judge but those people need to aspire higher! "Site models" ...lord have mercy. I love that your fella has the eyeliner girl groupies. My Mister does dark little drawings for a living and once he joined MySpace (back when it was sort of cool) and he got all of these young Lolita type goth girls who wanted to be friends with him. The kind that always, always, ALWAYS posted the bathroom mirror shots of them in schoolgirl outfits and anime costumes. I went kind of nuts and made him stop approving their friend requests. It's not like they were going to buy his art and well, granny didn't want to compete with that.

    1. yeah i mock him mercilously for his new groupies. They all think that he is coated in tattoos...he isn't. They like to comment with winky smilies and I am convinced one of them has a foot fetish.

  3. I dellusionally think look like cutting edge rock top instagram followers and roll photography. [Tangent: Although they are present in my feed,

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  5. These people are called site models. Yeah, that's a image search verified. buy instagram followers cheap


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