Wednesday, January 30, 2013

spam-a-lot

Allegedly imitation is the highest form of flattery...but I think it's also proof that you are having a particularly uninspired day and are grappling for ideas. The other day I read one of my favorite bloggers, Eartha Kitsch, write about celebrating 400 followers with  her favorite spam comments. [Tangent: if you're not a blogger, you may be unfamiliar with this annoyance, but when you leave a comment (which I love) you are in the company of  millions of spam bots doing so as well. Only their comments generally are unintelligible and instead of bringing me joy, they are trying to sneakily sell their site or product.]
 

After reading Eartha's post and her hilarious spam hall of fame spam, I commented that I never got anything funny. Usually my spam folder runneth over with gobblety gook jabber script interwoven with links to Russian porn sites or URLs linking you to bobo Louis Vuitton bags. They all look like this and pale in comparison to hers:

see...nothing to write home about.

Then, last night after discussing this matter with Rae (of Say it Ain't So), 
I rechecked and it seems those very spammers must have been reading my dream journal, because I finally hit a treasure trove of madness. [Tangent: They always have nothing to do with whatever post they are commenting on. Also, like many relationships, these spammers lure you in with sugar talk and generic compliments before exposing their breed of batshit crazy.]

 Here is a fine example [Tangent: BTW- what's a jawhorse?] and then the site that it told me to visit.



So, surprise! It wasn't a "web log" after all, but was in fact, a site to play those annoying Farmville type games...in Russian! 



This was not an isolated incident, because if I have learned anything- there is a lot of weird to go around on the interweb. These are some of my favorites from the last couple weeks:


...is this talking about sex or cars...or makeup? And what does that have to do with beards? So many questions

shitty Reba show and Daniel Day Lewis go hand in hand.

...not sure why but thought this was super funny
WINNER
So, I'm hoping the growth I've seen lately with my writing is not a direct result of my blog being harvested by spammers. I'm sure my fellow bloggers have oodles to say about this matter and for you non-bloggers, now you are enlightened to the randomness i see on a daily basis.

To temper the hordes of unwanted spam I've gotten, I thought it would be refreshing to hear from YOU- the real 3-D, living, breathing, pooing, peeing readers. So... how did you find out about my blog and what do you wanna see more of? Of just tell me something fun about your adventures in blog reading or life in general. [Tangent: seriously I'm a captive audience. Take advantage.]

13 comments:

  1. "snap me inside the sawhorse" - TOTALLY jealous of that one! And that bit about the thighs..can't make heads nor tails out of it but love it. I also get the ones that start with how my blog has completely revolutionized their lives...and they never fail to suck me in and get me feeling all big-headed and then blam! they turn into spam! Those are downright cruel if you ask me.

    Hmm...I think? that I found your blog through Rae. I like exactly what you're doing. Keep on doing it! : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jaw horse actually ...which is even weirder! Thanks for inspiring me to investigate these weirdos

      Delete
  2. Perhaps because I am a very small fry, I get no spam comments. These are really funny though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go look in your spam folder! It may be bc you have captchas and I have the comment approval option

      Delete
  3. my favorite is the one I sent you today. It was on topic, because it was a comment on my bathroom remodeling post, but it was about buying a bidet and how much i would save on toilet paper.
    i have been getting TONS of spam comments on my post about the AKC dog art museum that i went to almost 2 years ago! it is now my most viewed entry. So freaking weird.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you ever block commenting on posts that get too much spam? I had one post about a phrenology head bust that started getting 3 - 4 crazy spam comments every day. They were hilarious, but it got really annoying, so I just blocked the comments.

      Now I kind of miss them!

      Delete
    2. No. I never block posts...I've never really thought about it. Most of my spam goes directly to a spam folder so I never see it unless I seek it out

      Delete
  4. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could
    add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.

    I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.
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    ReplyDelete
  5. "I remember when I would have been a younger kid and may also spread and relish the great ticket sucking through my individual site I had to reluctantly provide cost avalanche your window." I CAN'T EVEN. Just wow. I laughed so hard, I think I hurt myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! I tried to follow the fuzzy logic but just couldn't. I couldn't tell if was all innuendo or of that was just my dirty mind reading into it!

      Delete
  6. Okay, where to begin? I found your blog through Rae's blog. So enamored with her blog, I felt that she must have some great taste in other's blogs. So I checked out every last one of her reading suggestions on the sidebar. I was sucked in that day(more likely predawn hours) and was unable to stop backreading all that I had been missin! You had me at "Uncle Jessie".....As far as spam comments, none. But I can boast of having one fake follower. I even did a whole post callin em out but I decided against it. She/he totally got me with the ego juice. They were called Him and Her Project and they were like "Wow, love your so and so! We love to support new bloggers like you! Check us out and share the love!" So I did. And out of politeness, followed them back (the blog sucked and made no sense) So anyhow, a few months later I went by their blog and it was no longer the Asian lookin couple from Cali, it was a WHOLE new setup! White blonde lady, gettin ready for marriage and family and documenting the whole thing! And then the Him and Her Project folks name was changed to Laukki Carma on my follower list.... I think they were gathering a following for another's startup and got paid? This is a long story, right? But I haven't been able to share it with anyone who cared, my husband just looked back at me blankly.... Anywho, that's quite enough from me today. LOVE your writing. You are on an amazing journey, Kimmie Jones. :)

    P.S. I'm still pretty green. Is Anonymous up there the aforementioned "Spam" ? ;) That's one hilarious coinkiydink or one swell and sarcastic fella.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So I just came back to tell you I sent the a message askin "What's up with your old blog? Be real with me." I must know what's happening with these people! Kimmie, you've provoked a pointless, unfruitful and time wastin endeavor from me. Now that's super power. You should work in advertising.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was an advertising major...I know you're not surprised

      Delete

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