Thursday, March 28, 2013

the real housewives vs. downton abbey- money can't buy you class

In November, my sister bought me a Roku box and gave me complete access to her Netflix account on a conditional basis...that I would watch Downton Abbey so she can have someone to discuss it with. [Tangent: She along with everyone else in my life. My boyfriend was done with all the episodes light years ago and has been telling me relentlessly that I needed to hop the train to Downton, but I have been hesitant.] Every time Kelly comes to visit, she is incredulous as to why I haven't knocked out at least the first season, yet I can verbatim describe any and all seasons of The Real Housewives to her. [Tangent: Except maybe Miami and DC...because those are both awful to me.]

Truth be known, I am a born multitasker, if I am watching TV, I am generally also playing a game on my phone or blogging or texting or something completely crucial to my existence. Downton Abbey requires (and deserves) my full attention- The Housewives don't [Tangent: Sorry Ramona!] so given the option- I generally pick Bravo-lebrities over British manor inhabitants.

With all the construction time this week, I have decided to take this opportunity to delve into Downton with my mom...and guess what guys? The Housewives and Abbey folks are one in the same. MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS...and I kinda love every minute of it. [Tangent: From 90210 to The OC - I have always been drawn to rich people drama and thank God now I diversifying to enjoy British rich people drama. Aren't I versatile?]  

You want proof that the botoxed bitches and the manor dwellers are cut from the same cloth? Oh don't worry- aside from the standard money matters, family drama, secrets and lies, I've got scads of evidence that I have really basically been watching Downton all these years on Bravo.  

Every time man-hungry googly eyed Edith steps on the screen, I literally find myself saying, "Oh honey- tone it down a notch." The same could be said about Atlanta's Kim Zolciak [Tangent: Pre-Kroy of course...because we all now that saint of a man has made her gosh darned loveable.] who likewise used to look for love in all the wrong places. I know Edith doesn't wear wigs or release club Jamz (and is actually more of a strawberry blonde), but she wreaks of desperation and I want her to find her Kroy. [Tangent: I'm still in the midst of season one guys- so don't tell me if she does or not!]

 OH THOMAS! Where can I start with you....why do you gotta perpetuate the "gay men as pot stirrers" stereotype. Years of worshipping at the Housewives thrown has taught me that where there is a gay henchmen, there is trouble and shade being thrown. [Tangent: Miss Lawrence, Dwight, Derek J, that weird guy Frankie who lived with Jeana in the al.]

Whether it be in Europe or Beverly Hills, the English really do over- the-top right. Of course, The Vanderpump household aka Villa Rosa can not compare to the behemoth that is the Abbey, but it is definitely going to try.

 Jewels are something that all these women excel at. More specifically they are semi-pro in the arena of chunky statement necklaces. I gotta say, though, that Lady Cora and Mary kick the asses of their more modern counterparts. [Tangent: Kim Richards, seriously, what is that pearl choker about? Blame it on the alcohol?]

 Whether its meeting with the Dowager Countess or simply tending to your correspondence in the garden, the ladies of Downton are not afraid to rock the shit out of a crazy chapeau...and neither is Sonja "in the city" Morgan of NYC.  Any mundane occasion can call for a "say something" hat.

One wouldn't think Bates has anything to do with a rich lady on the surface, but hear me out. Both NYC's Aviva and Mr. Bates have a leg-related disability that they try to rise above but is constant dwelled on by others. [Tangent: I'm looking at you Ramona!] As much as they try to move past it, someone who has it out for them is like, "hey remember about your leg!"

Although Miami is a season I don't watch much of, I am well aware of the "I will cut you" matriarch Mama Elsa. I would almost pay money to see Elsa and the Dowager Countess get into a heavily accented argument. I daresay Maggie Smith would kick her ass, without changing expression at all [Tangent: And that stoicism is not due to botox! That's just years of practice not giving a f@#k!]

Whether it be the kooky weird baroque black and red bordello apartment belonging to NYC's Alex and Simon or Jill Zarin's showplace- the Housewives definitely are not strangers to having the best of the best when it comes to interiors as well as exteriors. Remember in Atlanta when Sheree was furnishing her daughter's first big girl apartment and they spent 10's of thousands in one store! Yeah, that's Downton-style!

So many tension filled formal dinners on both shows! Any ol' Tuesday can call for an occasion to put on your best floor length gown and sit around a long table with your loved (or not so loved) ones and let the tension fly. OK, so far no one has flipped a dinner table in the Grantham household or called someone a "Prostitution whore," but I'm only through season 1, so I assume it's on the horizon. Come on, lady Mary totally has it coming! She sucks.  

Everyone knows, I love gingers, but the rumor is they are soulless...and these divisive ladies aren't helping matters. Both O'Bryan and the matriarch of the Manzo clan are fiercely loyal, but terrible instigators. You either love 'em or hate 'em. Although, I am definitely on team Caroline, I can see where she can be as abrasive as a house frau with awkward bangs.

Some people may think tea parties after the age of seven are a lost art, but not in Downton (or Bev Hills). Although they seem like very formal affairs on the surface, there is no civility about it. On both shows, if tea is being doled out, then you no so is truth! [Tangent: let's not forget that a tea party is where everyone found out Taylor's ex was beating her or where Brandi confronted Adrienne about suing her!] When the crumpets roll out the shit hits the fan. Thank Allah that Lisa Vanderpump brought this Euro tradition to Southern California.

 On the property of Downton Abbey, the valets, handmaids, housekeepers and footmen play as big a role as the rich people. Unfortunately, aside from Luann's housekeeper (who basically raised her kiddos) and Sonja Morgan's random interns who do God knows what, we rarely get too attached to any of their servants [Tangent: Except maybe Kim Zolciak's assistant Sweetie.]. Drag. Luckily, some of the housewives have devoted their lives to servitude. Yolanda Foster says her husband is king, and it is her job in life to keep a tidy house and keep gourmet meals on his table and serve him. I'm sure this mantra would make sweet Daisy proud.

Case closed...and like I said I am only a season in, so I am sure the similarities will roll in even more. Wish me luck. I can't wait to find out if Lady Cora releases club anthem like her modern counterpart Countess Luann. 


  1. Absolutely inspired! I don't know how you can put together something so well-thought-out while you have contractors in your house.

    "When the crumpets roll out the shit hits the fan. Thank Allah that Lisa Vanderpump brought this Euro tradition to Southern California." - Ha!

    1. I was so excited about this post. you have no idea.

  2. You are hilarious. I too jumped on the Downton Abbey train this week. Even sucked my husband into it.

    1. I am finishing up season 1 today and then I am gonna find them all online

  3. Kimmie- this is pure genius! I have no idea how I watch BOTH of these shows and never put two and two together. BRAVO

    1. Lauren! So glad you can admit to being a housewives fan. I feel like everyone watches it...and those that say they don't are lying. ITS SO GOOD!

  4. Religious freedoms and the "gay agenda are on a crash course in America and this is a speeding train no mere earthly can stop.


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