Tuesday, April 30, 2013

the loss and then leap of faith when thrifting

The other day I was reading this blog by Lisa over at My Pretty Baby... and literally raising my hand and saying "PREACH!" the whole I was reading it. Her post was about losing faith in your favorite thrift store and then being rejuvenated when she found some awesome JFK collectibles.

Since beginning this in-between-jobs/side biz of reselling,  I have definitely had ups and downs. Years ago, I had what I liked to call my "Magic Thrift Store" which was the Goodwill on Hillsboro Road in Franklin. If ever I needed anything for a costume, I would find it in droves.

Ex 1: I was looking for white Keds for my Kelly Kapowski Halloween costume a few years ago and immediately found brand new white leather Keds in my size in their shoe department on my first sweep through the building. [Tangent: It was almost as if Tiffani Amber Thiessen had placed them there herself for me to stumble upon. ]

i know i cut off my awesome 90's bangs, but you had to see the shoes!

Ex 2: When I had my 90's inspired 28th birthday party, I went there looking for inspiration and immediately found it wailing to me from the dress racks. It was nearly a perfect replica of the dress both Kelly and Brenda Walsh wore to the Spring Formal on 90210. Magic Thrift strikes again.

Then they built the Goodwill on Hwy 96 in Franklin, they started getting all the good stuff...or so I thought. At first their merchandise was amazing, and Banana Republic sweaters and adorable dresses were falling from the sky like raindrops...and I constantly saw things like vintage children's books and board games and thought, "If I was into reselling, I would buy all this stuff." People in Williamson County will overlook these treasures!

I was completely spoiled and never understood when people bitched about having bad days thrifting. Seriously? What's that? But when the time came that I decided to start reselling on eBay, I became a bit stonewalled, and I was not finding what I wanted so easily, maybe mostly because I had no focus. Everything suddenly seemed bland and boring and suddenly my world of treasures had dissolved into a mush of stretched out Faded Glory t-shirts and mid 90s coffee mugs. Ugh.

When you have no focus and step into a thrift store, it is SO EASY to get discouraged. By trial and error, I have learned what sells and its normally not what you think. I have some gorgeous vintage cultural dolls that I can't move if my life depended on it, but all that Lisa Frank stuff I have put up goes within a day, even when I only paid $2 for it.

The newer Goodwill has also given me tons of designer shoes that appear brand new and are anywhere from 3-9 bucks, [Tangent: Also, I use my super outdated school ID to save 20% because not unlike Garth Brooks, I'm shameless.] that I can easily sell for $20-$30 a pair. I have had decent luck with selling these, but shoes/clothes are a gamble because they are size dependent.

Everyday, I am learning more about this hobby and trying to broaden my scope of thrift possibilities by garage saling and even trying my luck again at the Goodwill Outlet this week with Rae. Still looking for a focus, but for now I usually only buy to resell something that I would buy for myself, but I purposefully look out of my size so I won't be tempted to keep it. Mama needs money more than vintage kitten heels!

PS. Also Pearl Choi was the big winner of the nail goodies so a box of pretty things are on their way to Cali! Congrats, Pearl! 

Monday, April 29, 2013

facebook strikes again: disabled singles

Full Disclosure: I started this blog a few days ago, and apologize for being slightly MIA, but a cavalcade of gross ailments rolled my way last week. I swear, I told my friends it was like I was shortcircuiting, but luckily- I woke up Sunday morning and didn't feel like my entrails were gonna become extrails. 

Yesterday, I had a whole pretty blog laid out for today, but no- I woke up to this picture in my text messages sent from my lovely friend Courtney and felt this was blog fodder if I ever saw it. [Tangent: Not sure why this was directed at Court...but I am glad it was.]

Drink it in. Take a minute. Whoa. So many question rush through my head whenever I see anything like this. How should I feel about it? Should I feel flattered that this exists? Is it bad that I am kind of the opposite- completely skeeved out?

So. Many. Issues.

1. Why always smiling? 

I know A LOT of bitter people in wheelchairs...sadly more bitter ones than ones with permagrins...so I feel on behalf of all handicappeds...that this is false advertising. It's more than slightly naive to believe all disabled folks are happy-go-lucky.

2. I don't for a minute believe that guy is really disabled.

Look at his wheelchair and how ill-fitting it is. I don't buy it.

3. Who is going to this site? 

Not to be mean, but I don't know a lot of people that set out looking for a disabled person to date...unless they are a fetishist or have some sort of inherent complex. Usually we are awesome people, but we are not usually an easy sale and I came to terms with that YEARS ago. [Tangent: Totally feel free to fight me on this one...but I am gonna go ahead and say my theory is spot on, until I hear otherwise.] Not to say they shouldn't, because let's face it we are an awesome people, but I think making it so specific just opens one up for a world of weird. [Tangent: Despite jokingly accusing my fella of being a wheelchair fetishist at least bimonthly, I know he isn't. His clear fetishism is simply for girls that have a dark sense of humor, like Americana music and wear glasses.]

The only way I could see it working is if you were a disabled person looking to date another disabled person...then maybe this would be a good avenue.  Kinda like the Jdate.com/blackplanet.com for us sedentary folks.

I guess I shouldn't hate on it, I mean whatever means you have for finding love- I shouldn't judge how you do it...but I kinda do. Sorry.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

my first giveaway, y'all!!!

As a blogger, I feel like there are some trends I haven't been able to get behind. Giveaways and subscription boxes are two trains that I have yet to hop aboard. Every month, I see the awesome reviews of subscription boxes and think, "Dang, when I am gainfully getting a steady paycheck again, I'm gonna do that!" [Tangent: There are so many and they all look awesome. Birchbox. Glossybox. Ipsy. or for god sakes that I-ella swag box that Little Chief Honeybee wrote about here. ] I love "free" surprises and I love the idea of getting something in the mail that isn't a medical bill, request to donate to my alma mater or US Weekly [Tangent: OK....who are we kidding? The US Weeklys that I get free for some inexplicable reason are always welcome! Without them, how will I know which stars are most like me. Ryan Gosling "grabs food on the go" so I know that we are kindred.]

My friend, Laura, who is the blogger at Tales from the Cripps, and I constantly text back and forth about our dream of being rich and glamorous and subscribing to every box possible. [Tangent: DREAM BIG!] but at this point in my life, I have other things that need my money. Because she is a fun lady and a good friend, a couple weeks back, she sent me my own personalized box of handpicked goodies consisting mostly of funky nail stickers and lip gloss and maybe a Garbage pail kid and Keroppi pencil.  [Tangent: Things that wreak of glamour and sophistication.] This way I would feel like one of the chosen ones in the cult of Birchbox.

Laura told me to keep some things and use some to stage my own grand giveaway, plus I have some leftover nail polish from my package from Natalie Dee  I am all about paying the riches forward, so I decided one of you lucky readers deserved to feel as special without having to pay $10/a month. You are  gonna get your own Kimmie-fied subscription box this April with things that have my stamp of approval.

I am starting with a goodie box that is slightly more lady focused, but I don't discriminate. My next giveaway will be unisex, or if you don't mind giving yourself a Man-i-cure, then knock yourselves out, fellas. Here's what one lucky winner will be getting:

A brand new bottle of the hottest and most often sold out holographic Super Black Nail Lacquer shade- WHIP! 

A set of 16 leopard nail wraps from Nail Rock for you to mess around with

18 glitzy Sephora Nail Bling stickers in gold bubbles

Mini Avon dazzling gloss set in -
Fuschia Fantasy; Gleaming Ruby; Sparkling Crystal; Plum Dazzle and Shimmered

So... How do I get this mini treasure chest of awesome? 

To enter, Simply comment below with your answer to the following:

What is your favorite terrible movie and why? [Tangent: I have reason, I watched Rock of Ages about a week ago and am still feeling tremors, and I am gonna be blogging about its tragic awful/awesomeness soon.]

To get additional entries:
  •  Like That Girl in the Wheelchair on Facebook HERE
  • Like Super Black Nail Lacquer on Facebook HERE 
When you like these things on Facebook or if you already do, just tell me so when you leave your movie comment...or punch me in the face. You will not be penalized for being an early adopter of awesome! This will give each of you the potential to enter 3 times. 

Oh, and remember to include your email address so I can notify you if you win!

I will put all the entries in a jaunty hat and draw one on Monday!! This is all fairly exciting for me! Boys, don't distress...the nest blog will have something for everyone [Tangent: I already have something up my sleeve.]

Sunday, April 21, 2013

kim and the holograms- Super Black Lacquer review

The other day I had a pretty rough day and was looking for any ray of sunshine when I looked down and realized I had gotten a package in the mail...and not just a regular package...a package of nail polish [!!!]....and not just a package of nail polish...but a package free nail polish for a blog review [!!!!]...and not just a package of free nail polish for blog review...but a package of 5 bottles of fancy Super Black handmade lacquer by Natalie Dee. [!!!!!]

I first heard about this product a couple weeks ago from my friend and foremost polish sensei, Laura, [Tangent: You may remember her nails from this post.] who told me that the sassy lass behind hilarious comics like Married to the Sea and the bad ass wife to the guy behind the Toothpaste for Dinner comics was making homemade polish now. Naturally, I was intrigued...anybody that could mastermind this is clearly someone I wanna throw my business behind [Tangent: And possibly become best friends with!]

After looking at her polish website and checking out all 18 shades, my mag pie tendencies overtook, and I immediately gravitated towards the holographic collection.  I don't really keep up with trends very well, but those seemed extra fun for springtime. Imagine how sunlight would make those pop!

As you can see, I got a butt load of color options but I went with Fatima first because it was a light lilac-y purple. [Tangent: Let me go ahead and get this outta the way- Sorry guys, I have dry peely cuticles and not unlike Karen Smith in Mean Girls, my nail beds suck. 

Please don't point it out, I am aware that I have the fingers of a small, effeminate carpenter and tried to pose my hands accordingly to hide the bad parts. Below is my attempt of one of those cliche painted nails holding nail color bottle pics that the blogosphere and instagram seems to go apeshit about!]

True my hands are fairly elflike in size, but it is still a hefty .61 fl oz of pretty.  I dug around and double checked, most bottles I have run about .23-.40 fl oz., so I was right! I had been ripped off for years! [Tangent: Truth be told, I have never ever used up an entire bottle of nail polish, but I like to have the option that I could.]  Thanks ND for being a generous broad.

If you care about being natural, then you'll appreciate the fact that it's 4H free. Being that I am not chemistry inclined, I had no idea what that meant. It means it's made with no Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, Toluene, or Formaldehyde resin.  SCORE! [Tangent: I looked it up because I am not in any way up on all my PC trends, but having chemical free cosmetics are healthier and more environmentally sound...and less smelly. ]

You won't even miss all those words you can't pronounce, because this shit is quality. It in really thin yet highly pigmented, which means 2 coats is really all you need. Also it dries in about 30 seconds and I mean DRIES IN 30 SECONDS....not like "Oh I think its dry" and then "oh damn, why is there a thumbprint in my polish?" [Tangent: Goopy polish full of fingerprints and nicks is the 8th deadly sin. If I have spent an hour doing my nails, and that is my fate- I am driven to drink.] Because it's thin, it doesn't feel like a foreign body, it bonds nicely to your nail and doesn't feel apt to peel off in one sheet. Thoroughly impressive. [Tangent: Even my mom, who never has painted nails was hanging out the other evening and painted her thumbnail blue and commented on how "it felt nice and wasn't a tacky blue." This is high praise from my mother who thinks everything that I wear on my nails is awful looking.]

After 2 coats, I was pleased with the nice matte finish. If you are more of a glossy gal [Tangent: ...or guy. Not judging.] , get a topcoat...but if you want to take your hologram to the next level, use the Wishful Thinking topcoat because it is the cat's pjs.

 It's kinda like how I love pizza, but then I discovered that if you dip the crusts in ranch dressing- the entire experience is exponentially better. The Wishful Thinking top coat is the ranch dressing of the nail polish world. It takes an already great product and next levels it, except instead of making it tastier, it makes it more hologrammy.

My friend Laura tried it on Grassy Knoll, which is one of her solid shades...and the effect is pretty cool.  Also she is a better and less hangnail afflicted hand model. Gah...some girls have all the luck/pretty cuticles.

See how it makes it glitzy and prismatic! [Tangent: The website states that you can wear it on its own for a silvery look...which trust me, I'm gonna.] Below are some pics of when I got carried away and wanted to change my nail polish, but it looked so pretty....so I just opted to add polka dots in Torque and then another coat of Wishful Thinking. I can't leave well enough alone.  Sidenote; These were all taken in the garden center at Home Depot. Now bring on the polish porn! [Tangent: Not to be confused with Polish Porn. Capitalization is important!]

The only bad thing I could find with the product is that their are no color labels on the bottles, which is OK if you only have one bottle of the stuff, but I had 5... and soon found myself holding them up the swatches on the computer to figure out which shade I was putting on my nails. In fact, because the top coat isn't transparent- I was difficult to recognize it as such. I figured out it was a holographic top coat by trial and error.

Real talk time: I am a cheap, cheap person. I have never spent $12 on polish ever. [Tangent: OK. Maybe once...but I definitely had buyer's remorse.]  It would have to be pretty incredible cancer-curing polish for me to break my $10 limit...until now. I'm being completely serious when I say that this polish is incredibly user friendly, especially if you want a quick streak-free manicure in literally 10 minutes. I can't wait to order some from the other collections. That's a huge step for this cheapskate. [Tangent: I will say for those other budget conscious ladies of the web- if you only order one from the Super Black collection, I definitely think Wishful Thinking is the way to go, only because it can transform any existing color you have.]

 Later this week, I will be having MY FIRST GIVEAWAY, YA'LL and Spoiler: There may be a Super Black product tie-in. That way I won't be the only one that is Super Black from head to toe.[Tangent: Wait...ummm...like not in a racial way. ]

Oh, and me and Natalie Dee are definitely on the fast track to friendship.

Hope that you all give it a try and are you so excited for a giveaway!?!?

Friday, April 19, 2013

top 5: please come to boston in the springtime edition

Yesterday morning I sat in my room, drinking my coffee and watching the president speak on the bombings at the Boston marathon.  Today I sit in my room drinking my coffee and watching the manhunt. Like 99.99% of the country, I have remained pulled into the TV everytime I hear that "breaking news bulletin" music. Dum dum dah dum.

Am I from Boston? No. Have I ever been to Boston? No. Does my heart still invert itself for those affected? Absolutely. I think it would be wrong of me to say that Boston was my city or something like that...because I've never spent any time there, but Boston has enriched my life in many ways and given popular culture many perfect gifts. 

a gift left by the folks at DCXV

My biggest fear after any tragedy is that all the good things about the place will be erased and that it will forever be equated with crime and despair. [Tangent: Especially with the tragic death of an officer at MIT last night to add to the sorrow and today's events snowballing by the minute.] Because I feel sometimes you need a little escapism and because I never have been good at dealing with my sad feelings, I thought we should reflect on some of the reasons we love Boston as we come to terms with all that is going on. [Tangent: Anyone else would probably include Larry Byrd or The Departed in their daily devotional to Boston, but I grew up with estrogen and unlimited access to Television.] Sometimes in a dark place, just a little light is needed.  

1. Thank you for Cheers

The first time the city of Boston fell on my radar was when I was about 5 and watching cheers. I grew up with this show [Tangent: Like quite literally, it premiered in 1982- the year I was born.] and immediately had a sense that this was what Boston was about. Community. Lots of Beer. Tradition. Nothing that I have learned in my adult life about Boston has at all contradicted any of these ideals.

2. Thank you for Boston

Ok, let's be honest, I was years away from being born when this band came about, but who hasn't almost crashed their car because they were closed eyes belting out "More Than a Feeling." These gents must have loved their hometown a lot [or were just feeling particularly uninspired that day] because they named their group after the city they dwelled in.  [Tangent: I mean, it worked for Kansas, right? ] Tying yourself forever to your home by adopting their moniker...that's the utmost evidence of civic pride.

3. Thank you for New Kids on the Block

When I was in 2nd grade, and heard my first NKOTB song, my life was forever altered by a Boston accent. Everything Jonathan Knight said sounded like transcendental poetry to me...even though the transcendental movement is a heady concept for an 8-year-old. To a young girl from the burbs, Bosten seemed so edgy! [Tangent: I mean look how renegade Jordan is wearing overalls with no shirt tucked into BKs.] This led to my intrigue with all things Boston. 

4. Thank you for The Real World: Boston

I swore my allegience to the Real World on day 1 of the first season. [Tangent: I lost interest somewhere in Austrailia when all the girls have blonde hair with black low lights. barf.] but I think the series really hit it's stride in the historic east coast town of Boston, where the gang lived in a FIREHOUSE! A FIREHOUSE FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. Genesis, Elka, Montana, Cyrus. Thus began the movement of only casting people with names like celebrity children. I can't promise that the people of Boston were smitten as I was with this contribution, but it was my first glimpse onto the beautiful historic streets of beantown.

5. Thank you for Good Will Hunting

It's really hard to imagine what Hollywood was like before Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. The city that bore these two was Boston and Good Will Hunting was their love letter to their home on the Southside. If The Real World introduced me to the landscape, Good Will Hunting  made it familiar. It was shot all over the city and you believed these characters, maybe because it was written by its stars. Good Will Hunting will forever be one of my favorite films. I will watch it everytime it's on TV and cry everytime I hear the line "I gotta go see about a girl." Although, I have never traveled those streets, this movie transported me there. 

It's hard for me not to go on and on...and I didn't even mention that the Boston area gave us Conan O'Brien, but I hope this will remind us why we all inherently love this city and pray that it will rebound. I think if anyone can do it, the patriot's city can. I leave you with this- my favorite version of my favorite Boston-centric song. Love you Boston. 


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Life in "Nashville"

Sunday night, I was struck with a mad case of the hawngrys [Tangent: A step up from just being simply a little hungry.] while over on the East side at Jamie's. Because we are both fairly indecisive individuals, we defaulted to the always crowd-pleasing Pharmacy Burger Parlour and Beer Garden as we were cruising around town. I have been there a handful of times, but always arrived on non-standard meal hours, so no wait has ever come behind this gal and her ramekin of beer gravy. [THANK GOD!] Unfortunately, I soon realized that apparently I should have stuck to eating when no one else does, because when we got there- we had about a 30 minute wait.

This was fine. Sunday was a nice night and the fact that I could smell ground beef and sweet potato fries was like secondhand deliciousness so I was not irked. [Tangent: It would be as if I was nicking really bad for a cigarette and someone blew smoke in my face. It satisfied the craving for the time being...as I waited to be impregnated with a food baby.] While sitting outside the packed eatery and playing on my phone, I happened to look up and spot Gunnar from the ABC hit Nashville.  It went something like this:

Internally I lost my shit with excitement, but externally I must have been quite reserved because Jamie did not pick up on any of my subtle clues and body ticks that should indicate that he should peel his eyes off his iPhone momentarily and be on the lookout for ABC stars. Ugh.

Initially I was irked that Mr. Primetime got right in to get a table, which really contradicted Gunnar's nice everyman personae, but after posting about it on Facebook, a fellow Nashville blogger pointed out to me that he took a seat at the bar in lieu of waiting. She got seated next to him.

Ok, I know his name is Sam Palladio [Tangent: Thanks IMDB!] but I like to think since all the actors reside in my city that their storylines just exist in reality with mine. Is that weird? Probably.  Maybe if I didn't see them out doing normal people things and I lived in Los Angeles, it would be one thing, but I live in Nashville and the show is called Nashville. What else am I supposed to do?!??!?

 I mean when I saw Avery Barkley [Jonathan Jackson]  at Whole Foods or Scarlett O'Conner [Clare Bowen] in the balcony at the OCMS New Year's show, I felt this weird insatiable urge to approach them as if they were their TV counterparts.

Are you team Juliette Barnes or team Rayna James?
Is your hair real? [directed 99.9% at Scarlett]

What Kroger did you steal that nail polish from? 

Does Deacon smell like sawdust as I'd imagine? 
Do you all ever get together and watch old episodes of Who's Line is it Anyway? when Deacon was on there?

This is just a small list of the many that scroll through my mind every Wednesday night. [Tangent: Or Thursday when I DVR.] Before you start totally doubting my sanity, please believe deep inside- I know the show is not in the reality genre.  I know the show is fake because no Nashvillian would casually take a meeting at the pedestrian bridge and then walk in 4 inch heels to Tootsie's. That's clearly fiction.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

To buy RX shades, or to not buy RX Shades...and some deals from Glasses USA

The other day was gorgeous and sunny and amazing, and there I was grumbling because I had to dig out some contacts from the depths of my makeup drawer, so I wouldn't have to Dwayne Wayne by sunglasses over my regular prescription specs...you know how the cool kids do it.

This is pretty much my standard look in the summertime because I have been too cheap to invest in prescription sunglasses. At some point that needs to change, because my squinty vision sans sunshades likely is making me a hazard to myself or others. I need new sunglasses.

My general attitude towards sunglasses is DO NOT SPEND MORE THAN $10. Example: I am not above ransacking Dollar Tree.  [Tangent: I have never been able to wrap my mind around purchasing a pair of designer glasses (unless they are from Marshalls and then...Hell YES!) when I have a tendency to pop lenses and smash them into pieces.] This way I can have a myriad of sunglasses that fit every occasion and that I do not feel too attached to.

But I am 30, and therefore probably need a pair of big girl shades to keep in my car so I don't have to be blinded by the light Manfred Mann style every time I get behind the wheel. So now on my summer essentials list- I am putting RX sunglasses, but damned if they don't carry those at dollar tree.

Because of my affiliation with GlassesUSA.com after writing this review,  I decided to check out their selection because mama needs to see where she's going in all this sunshine. I have rationalized this purchase because I have been making decent eBay money lately and they have all kinds of deals going on with their site. Ex: Starting today until April 30, use code LOOKSHARP to receive 50% off + Free Shipping on all Eyeglasses and Sunglasses. You can click the banner on the righthand margins to getcha there easy and to let them know Kimmie sent ya. (Also, it's a portal to more deals, if you miss that April cutoff. )

I have narrowed it down to a handful of pairs that will fit my qualifications of making me feel like Jackie Onassis, while probably making me look like a septegenarian in Boca Raton.

What do you think of these choices?

As much as I hate the idea of breaking my $10 budget, I am probably going to be more inclined to take good care of them. [Tangent: Besides...whenever I have the promise of getting half off, my eyes bug out of their sockets.] Whichever pair I choose...and I won't be forced to drive with hand controls and one hand shading my eyes. Therefore the roads of Nashville will be safe this summer. It's my civic duty to buy new sunglasses.

If you wanna join me in window shopping GlassesUSA.com, click here.

*Although I am an affiliate of GlassesUSA, and thus make a commission from referrals, I get no compensation for this blog.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Glee, let Degrassi go there.

Sometimes if I miss a few episodes of a show, I get out of habit so lose interest in it altogether. [Tangent: Like I was obsessed with the first two seasons of Lost, then my college art classes started being scheduled on Wednesday nights and this was before DVRs (I'm old) so they just didn't get watched. True- Lost is one of those shows you just can't miss an episode of or you will have no idea what who someone is or what those numbers mean, but this happens with other shows too as you will see. ] I'm not entirely sure when this descent into "I don't give an eff" happened with Glee. Trust that I am not too hip to admit that I am above watching the Cop Rock of the 2000's...or ahem...downloading all the music....or at least I was.

yeah...my iTunes has some dark secrets.
 Somewhere, after the old crew left McKinley high and they touched on one too many topical issues I pretty much left the premises. I was out. [Tangent: THIS IS NOT SVU! STOP RIPPING THINGS FROM THE HEADLINES! WE DON"T HAVE TO BROACH TEEN MARRIAGE AND TEXTING WHILE DRIVING IN ONE EPISODE!!! JUST SING, DAMMIT A MASHUP DAMMIT!] I will standby that it was a funny original show at first, and now I kinda don't care. To me- there is way too much "message." [Tangent: It felt like when you were little and would be watching some awesome cartoon and then suddenly someone is trying to teach you about Jesus. Bait and switch.]

Anyway, either by sloth or curiosity, [Tangent: Or maybe the fact that they covered Extreme's More than Words early in the show. That will hook me EVERYTIME!] I happened to watch last weeks episode- the now very controversial school shooting episode (you can read about it here if you didn't catch it.) So apparently, my disinterest in finding the remote control to flip the station came on a good day.

 First off, I have read a lot of the press and I kind of agree, it was pretty damned insincere and, call me crazy, but I don't look to a musical comedy to be the beacon of insight into tough topical issues. [Tangent: Also they touched on Catfishing and gun control. Don't worry.] I can definitely see how the Sandy Hook parents had a negative reaction. The whole story seemed super slapped together and then, SPOILER ALERT: There was no school shooting. Sue's gun just went off.  So the whole concept of school violence was played for tension.

If I am gonna look for teen shows that "Go There", I will watch Degrassi. [Tangent: Yep, cats out of the bag. I am 30, and have been a Degrassi fan for a number of years. It's not even a dark secret at this point, I think its a fantastic show and I know what to expect because it's tagline is literally "Degrassi: It Goes There." I can sense your judgement, but seriously LOOK INTO IT!] Don't you remember when Degrassi did a school shooting episode? It wasn't patronizing and it was intense.

As a real school shooting did, it completely altered the world of Degrassi Campus School. After it happened, the whole series changed and nothing was ever the same. Rick was off the show (OBVIOUSLY) because he was the shooter and Jimmy Brooks, the star basketball player, was in a wheelchair for the duration and had to undergo intense rehab and change his dream of being a b-ball star to being the manager. Womp. [Tangent: Oh and BTW- Jimmy was played by rapper Drake. SO don't believe him that he is a hardened bad ass, he was on a Canadian teen drama.]  

After it happened, it was addressed often and the fallout from the crime was shown for years to come. It did not exist solely in a 30 minute hermetically sealed episode. And call me a big old lame ass, but when I saw that episode of Degrassi, it was intense to watch, and I cared about the characters and felt the whole shooting was handled in a believable, yet considerate way. [Tangent: Don't even get me started on the Degrassi episode where JT got stabbed and killed by a rival. That shit was traumatizing.] 

So what am I getting at? I have no idea. I have basicallyly just revealed to all of you people how inherently lame I am.  Or maybe, it will get some of you other old folks to check out Degrassi: The Next Generation and be loud and proud about it! You will see everything from high crimes to throat gonorrhea delved into...and there are killer Canadian accents.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

A YM style moment- why me?

The other day, I was reading the always hilarious ramblings of Mrs. Eartha Kitsch, and once again was moved to near incontinent giggling, when she was writing about mortifying life moments. These things would put YM Why Me? moments to shame. [Tangent: Remember YM? You youngsters probably don't, because you were all weened on Teen Vogue or Cosmo Girl or some shit, but YM was what you're mom bought you when you were "not quite ready for Seventeen," but it was pretty much exactly like Seventeen. Anyway, the best part was the "Why Me?" section where people would write in about their most embarassing moments. 99% of them revolved around making out with their "crush" whilst getting their period unexpectedly. Real classy yarns.] Anyway, in the comments section of her blog, I told Eartha that I had a story that could do battle with her tales of severing an ass cheek with a disposable razor when just trying to take a relaxing bubble bath. Now I feel moved to come clean about one of my traumatizing childhood moments.

this little ass hole
 When I was little I had a habit of holding my pee in till I was practically filled with it and swollen like Violet Beureguard before going to the juicing room. In fact, I still have this habit- but I have trained myself like a camel. [Tangent: TMI? Seriously, you should be used to this by now.]

an artist's rendering
In first grade, I could still walk somewhat...or better yet stumble around so I didn't use a wheelchair in the classroom. To make mobility easier and keep my face plants minimal, my elementary school principal had the seat portion of a grade school chair welded onto one of the wheeled dollies used by mechanics to get under cars. [Tangent: This back story is important later on.] I remember specifically one afternoon,  as my teacher instructed the class how to not make their J's backwards, a lesson I sorely needed. i was sitting in my little rolly chair wearing my favorite yellow dress [Tangent: My grammy had sent it to me from her travels, and I am fairly certain I looked like the lost Von Trapp child.] and my bladder started knocking.

True to form, I didn't wanna disturb the class and have someone help me to the bathroom, so I opted to just pee right there and hope no one would notice. [Tangent: I remember rationalizing it by telling myself that I was wearing a yellow dress and that was good as urine camoflage. Totally rational...at least for a 7-year-old.] If I recall correctly, it wasn't just a dribble either...it was a good healthy amount of pee running all over my dress and in every tiny nook and cranny of my rolly chair. Clearly, my Kool Aid Squeez-its at lunch were running right through me.

Somehow my table mates were too busy eating paste or something, because somehow no one had noticed! In fact, I seamlessly got through the entire class period without anyone being any the wiser that they had a chair wetter in their midst. Everything seemed totally copasetic until we went to watch a filmstrip [Tangent: Again...totally showing my age.], and somone sitting next to me touched my dress. 

"Why is your dress wet?"

BUSTED. I somehow quickly covered my ass by lying to this poor first grader and telling her that the water fountain had gotten outta control. Tale as old as time, but she totally bought it and went on watching the film strip. Children are gullible.

After that the rest of the day was a blur and I tried to block the whole incident out altogether, until a couple years ago when I was telling my mom this very story, when I got the best ending possible... 20 years after the fact. 

Apparently, parent/teacher night was soon after my humilating moment and as my sweet sweet angel of a teacher was walking around giving the tour, she stopped my parents to admire my cute little rolly chair, which I can only assume smelled like a urinal cake. She said, "I'm not sure what happened. I guess a cat got into the classroom over night."

Yes, that's right...I bamboozled everyone by playing it cool [Tangent: This will go down in my personal history as the only time this has happened.] and somehow got them to believe a stray had gotten into the room and targeted my sweet little seat. If I ever doubt there is a god, I need to just rewind to that day because somehow I had gotten out of this whole experience and evaded years of personal torture by my peers [Tangent: You know it happens, if you fart during the pledge of allegience or have a stutter in 3rd grade, that shit will haunt you till high school graduation.] and even inadvertently got it blamed on a ghost cat!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Technicolor horses are the new faberge egg: adventures in reselling

Every few years, usually when short on income and long on free time, I begin eBaying with a frenetic pace and fervor usually reserved for marathon runners chugging Josta or junkies on coke binges. [Tangent: Is Josta still a thing?] The first time it happened I was in college and my limited dorm room space and proximity to the on campus post office awakened my inner online seller. At the time eBay was still a novel concept, and everyone knows I get a bit apeshit over a novelty! It seems the time is neigh for that fever to strike again.

It started because I was selling some things we found in the garage and some odds and ends that were dad's that held no sentimental attachment, and I quickly remembered that thrill of seeing some  thing from the back of your closet sell for crazy money! There truly is a hole for every peg...or a fool born every minute..or a diamond in the rough. [Tangent: So many cliches seem applicable here.]

Exhibit A: when cleaning out my garage, my sister found my old Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, which for some odd stroke of luck, I hadn't completely embellished with white out pens and sharpie [Tangent: Doesn't every 11-year old, or 30-year-old for that matter, have a proclivity to not leave well enough alone with their office supplies. If a paint pen is placed in my periphery- something is getting festooned with bubble letters, dammit!] 

Since I follow somewhat trends, and had heard from Rae that those brought hefty bucks on the interweb. I decided to list it and throw in the assorted weird kitten folders that I used with it in its hey day [Tangent: I find it hilarious that I went through a horse and cat phase. I guess every tween girl does.]

I felt kinda sad about it because it was my prized possession during the most awkward years of my life, but hell, I need gas in my vehicle more than I need a technicolor horse notebook- so that pretty pony was gonna get listed! 

Within a day it had bids and a handful of watchers so I felt I was definitely gonna get a pretty penny. I can only assume that is how sports fans feel...the thrill of victory as the price climbed. It became all consuming and my friends and family were as baffled as I was.

to my sister.

Anyway, cut to today, it yesterday afternoon- IT SOLD!!!

$63!?!?! Are you kidding me? This single act affirmed that this is going to be my racket as I search for steady work. [Tangent: Telling people I'm in "entreprenureal sales" will be hella less embarrassing than answering "watch The Chew everyday" when people ask what I do.] In the last few days, I've sold about 14 things and I'm pretty sold on it. My best friend decided that since I'm now in EBay sales and my fella works in the warehouse at a big box electronics store that we are basically occupationally speaking the couple from The 40- year- old Virgin.

So far, I have done pretty well, but am always looking for hints and tips. Any words of wisdom from you skilled resellers. 

Friday, April 5, 2013

I ain't missing you at all.

Disclaimer: I wrote this at the wee hours of the morning. Coherency may not have been my strength. 

Ugh. Hummus. You hurt so good. I have no ability to know when to put down the cracker and push away from the tub. For this reason I am up at 2:16am with my long lost pal,stomach pain. It's been so long since I've had any even tinge of belly discomfort, that I almost forgot what it felt like.

Perhaps it's the lack of sleep of perchance the familiar tongue coating of crushed Tums tablets, but I'm reminded that I don't have a gall bladder anymore. I'm approaching 1 year gallbladder free ! [Tangent: not unlike a substance abuse problem, my gallbladder basically ruined mylife for a solid 2 months last year. I lost weight to the point that I looked like a refugee.  I was in and out of the hospital and I was a complete bitch to be around. I was also doped up on morphine and Tramadol a good chunk of that time so I guess the drug angle isn't that far off.] You may remember the Kimmie vs gallbladder bouts documented here... here... and here..but how am I now?

The fact that I haven't puked or writhed in pain like someone delivering a litter of hedgehogs in the last year boggles my mind. [Tangent: not to be graphic...but I'm about to. Over the years, I've become semi pro at vomiting. Items I've been forced to puke into given My less than stellar digestive tract include purses, coffee mugs and floral vases.] had I known all my adult life that so much agony could be taken away by pulling out what I like to imagine looks like a snack sized Ziploc baggie of Aquarium gravel- I swear I would gotten my sickly organ out years ago.
this could be in your thoracic cavity!
Although the surgery proved to be a big undertaking because my tiny frame makes things hard and they had to open me up like an alien autopsy instead of just doing it laparoscopically, I'm so happy it's no longer in my body!  I thank it every time I eat a bacon and cheese five guys burger. Suck it gallbladder! I don't miss you at all!

I could probably even dominate this Luther Vandross burger with donut bun.

 Frankly, I'm up for getting rid of any and all useless organs. I wish I'd had the forethought to ask them to grab my tonsils and appendix while they had me under the influence.[Tangent:  I'm petite and looking to downsize, after all. Make room for more hummus.]

This year gall bladder free has been AMAZING so I thought I would  I dedicate the following to that horrid sack of calcified junk that drove me to insanity last year. I think you can hand sing along to at least the title.

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