Tuesday, May 21, 2013

handi hitching disney style: It's a capitalistic world, after all!

So, while I was on my mental two week hiatus from the blogosphere, I was inundated with texts/fb posts/carrier pigeons imploring me to address this story  has recently hit the media. [Tangent: If you are too lazy to click the link or too busy to watch the 3 minute video below, here is the Cliff's Notes version: Rich people are hiring disabled people to escort them to theme parks and paying them over $1000 daily for their services due to most theme park's policy to let people in wheelchairs go to the front of the line.] People that live to get mad about things are in an uproar and getting their panties in a twist pointing fingers and crying "exploitation and abuse"!

Since being a child and going to Opryland USA [Tangent: RIP!], I have enjoyed the spoils of what it is to be in a wheelchair and visit an Amusement Park. It really is one of the greatest silver linings to this whole predicament! When I was young, I remember the euphoria I felt as I breezed by legions of tourists in fisherman sandals and fanny packs to board the Grizzly River Rampage before them...and then go on to ride it as many times as I pleased (which was usually 4+) because unboarding me usually was a slow process.  My friends and family loved it because we really got our money's worth out of our day passes. Instead of wasting half the day waiting in line and listening to sweaty whiney children...we were enjoying ourselves. [Tangent: Suddenly everyone was jealous of the wheelchair chick! How do ya like me now, bitches!]

 This awesome feeling never gets old. When my brother mom and I went to Disneyland a few years ago- it was almost jarring when one ride - The Tower of Terror- made me wait in line! WHAT!?!?!? I had gotten so incredibly spoiled by being ushered straight to the front by some miserable looking college student in thematic costume...and now was offended that I had to wait for 45 minutes with the plebians!

So, you are probably assuming that I would hold this right to amusement superiority sacred and not want rich folks infringing on this, but I'm not. $1000 is a LOT of money to someone like me who is currently looking for gainful, permanent employment and I am shocked that it has taken this long for someone to pounce on this opportunity.

Sure there are things about this that seem a little fishy, but I don't think it's abuse. Anytime the disabled play a part in any matter- everyone gets all touchy and PC. It's not like the escorts on wheels are not getting compensated. If you are willing to exploit your assets, you get paid....isn't that the American Way?

Seriously, I would do this a couple times a week in a heartbeat. I love amusement parks! I only wish I lived closer to one. I told my boyfriend that I would make the 4 hour trek to Dollywood on the weekends for the sole purpose of bringing home 2000 buckeroos! [Tangent: That's like hooker money!] I then came to the sad conclusion that the clientele at Dollywood were probably not rich. Womp. This job of being a black market concierge is currently geographically undesirable.

UGH! Dolly, you need to attract more crazy 1%ers so I can make some quick cash.


  1. You know those people who always have a correlating story to EVERY story you EVER tell? Well, here I go: When I was 14 I went to Disneyland on my cousin's dime and was too "hip and alternative" in my Marilyn Manson shirt to just have fun. So I wandered off like a cool kid (stupid poser dork) and was approached by a Canadian teenage boy with a Filter shirt on. He was on crutches and had been given a wheelchair by the park. Needless to say, I rode Space Mountain a gajillion times. Sadly, he thought that I owed him (or liked him?) and tried to feel me up. So, it almost happened but I didn't prostitute myself for "friends of wheelchair" privileges. I'm gonna show you the pic of this guy to prove......

    1. Best story ever. Front of the line = booby feel

    2. So, WHO was the one being exploited? ;)

  2. um who cares?? i WISH someone was paying you 1000 dollars to go to disney world with them! that is amazing!

  3. Hey, a grand is a grand. I agree, I don't think Dollywood is an option :(

    What Lola Wants


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