The App Happy Chronicles: that hoe up in tha wheelchair? Gizoogle, say what?

The other day, I was waiting outside for my mom/nearly falling asleep outside the post office when I was shaken into reality by my iPhone which was buzz buzzing in my lap like a madman. After investigated I learned it was from a Facebook group msg/chat that was running off the rails.  Usually these things get on my last nerve, [Tangent: .... especially when they involve like 25 people discussing a super secret retirement party for a distant aquaintence and it results in 75 notifications while you are away from your desk at work.], but since it was between fellow awesome blogging ladies of substance Lisa, Rae and Ms. Eartha Kitsch and revolved around a little website and source of nonsense called gizoogle.net...I was a-OK with all the phone vibrations.

 Basically Eartha was unearthing [Tangent: See what I did there?] a ridiculous time suck that will translate any existing web content into ebonic slang. [Tangent: This website very well could be a very old outdated thing, but it's new to me, damnit!] How is this not the greatest/most unnecessary creation on god's green earth? I hereby introduce you to: That Hoe up in tha Wheelchair.

If you still need clarifying, here is how gizoogle translated a paragraph from from my blog about Super Black Nail Lacquer:

 Yo ass won't even miss all dem lyrics you can't pronounce, cuz dis shiznit is quality. Well shiiiit, it up in straight-up thin yet highly pigmented, which means 2 coats is straight-up all you need. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Also it dries up in bout 30 secondz n' I mean DRIES IN 30 SECONDS....not like "Oh I be thinkin its dry" n' then "oh damn, why is there a thumbprint up in mah polish?" [Tangent: Goopy polish full of fingerprints n' nicks is tha 8th deadly sin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If I have dropped a minute bustin mah nails, n' dat is mah fate- I be driven ta drink.] Because itz thin, it don't feel like a gangbangin' foreign body, it bondz sickly ta yo' nail n' don't feel apt ta peel off up in one sheet. Thoroughly impressive. [Tangent: Even mah mom, whoz ass never has painted nails was ridin tha other evenin n' painted her thumbnail blue n' commented on how tha fuck "it felt sick n' wasn't a tacky blue." This is high praise from mah mutha whoz ass be thinkin every last muthafuckin thang dat I wear on mah nails is wack looking.]

 See!!! I told you it is fantastic! I really wanted Ms. Kitsch to write about this craziness after learning that "Happy Days" translated to "Cool as F#@k days" in gizzogle-speak, but she is classy and didn't want all the F-Bombs and S-grenades flying, but she knows my reputation for classiness went the way of the dodo years back...
  
If you are a blogger, or have a favorite blog/site that you check daily, I implore to shirk your immediate responsibilities and gizoogle it post haste!! You're welcome. 

P.S. While we are on the subject of Apps and being completely trashy, why did I just now notice that all the levels on Candy Crush sound pornographic? Or do I just have my head suctioned to the gutter? I'll let you decide.