Friday, July 26, 2013

the hills are alive with the sound of douchebaggery

I have a sad confession. The other day I started rewatching The Hills on MTV. [Tangent: Ugh. I know. I hate me, too after reading that. I swear I'm a sensible gal, and I hate stupid girls in reality, but damned if I can't take my eyes off them when they are on my TV screen. Ugh. Blonde wizards!] It's as if entity that is MTV knows that I am home during the day again, and I have nothing else going on between the hours of 7 AM-11 AM except watch their "retro brunch." [Tangent: I shudder thinking that 2006 is considered retro. I imagine there are legions of tweens who were previously unaware of the likes Heidi Montag and Justin Bobby until now, and frankly I am a little jealous of them.]


so pretty, but dumb as a box of rocks.


When this show first came out, I was fresh outta college and working at the mall as an overqualified perfume and panty vendor, so I guess I didn't see through all the bullshit as much as I do now as an embittered 30 something. This realization hit me the other day that these folks are the show were basically toddlers. By her 21st bday, Heidi was engaged [Tangent: Albeit to a terrible barnacle of a soul-patched human ie Spencer Pratt.], had a swank LA condo and had a giant office at PR job. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN...EVER! Why did I not see this as such ridiculous fiction earlier?  [Tangent: I mean I knew it was way exaggerated....but this stuff just doesn't exist...does it?]



It hit me like a brick and made me kinda wish I had the dumb luck of living a fake existence for dramatized reality. I know I am more of a McCall's demographic [Tangent: Do they still make that? That's not sill a thing is it?], but where's my Teen Vogue internship?  I know I wouldn't have turned down going to Paris for some tool of a guy!  Surely I am more interesting that Whitney. [Tangent...but, maybe not because I am writing a blog about being riveted by a 5 hours chunk of MTV programming. I'm gonna tell myself it's just research because I am going to the actual Southern California hills next week. YAY!]

Thanks for listening to me ramble about this cheesy ridiculousness. Here is your reward...while we are on the topic of retro MTV. Don't you wish a Daria movie with Aubrey Plaza was real?



10 comments:

  1. We share so many bad habits. I was sucked in by "The Hills" this morning. I didn't watch it back in the day and won't let myself watch it now but my God, such jerks on that show. I wish I had a dollar for every time that Spencer makes that face. You know the one.

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    Replies
    1. He is an intolerable human. God...we need to watch/heckle it together. It's awful

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  2. I'm too old for that shit - but I do watch "Fashion Police" every week. My husband can't stand the sight of Joan Rivers' overly-worked-on face. I can't stomach the Kardashians (who names their baby North, FFS?) or any of the Real Housewives Bravo middle school bitch fight shows.

    I have four or five Gary Oldman movies on my DVR at any given time. If it gets bad I always have them to fall back on ;-)

    Alicia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should really follow in your footsteps. I always feel dirty after watching the hills but its empty calories...no substance. I'm aware of that. Ugh. Why does it have to bewitch me so. I used to keep up with the kardashian crew, but I've lost interest now that I can get the lowdown in us weekly instead.

      Delete
  3. I didn't see that show, but of course I know a lot about the people because pop culture won't rest until we all do... I did however, see those two blonde idiots on a show about Celebrities stuck on an island with Janice Dickinson (that wasn't the actual premise of the show but it would be enough to make me squirm). They were talkin about bein Christians, and boy were they the wackiest, smarmiest, fakest bunch I ever did see!! I wanted to punch Stephen Baldwin for baptizing that Spencer dude, what a mockery! I think they were tryin to go the Christian route to maybe find a new audience/book deals, etc. like so many celebs who find themselves D-listed do. Really, it's so sad. So, yes. You have given him the most accurate description I have ever heard: a terrible barnacle of a soul patched human.
    Just lookin at him made my face tired.

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    Replies
    1. I remember that show. I believe Sanjaya played a role which should speak of it's credibly

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  4. UMMMM. No no no. Too much shame in this post. You love The Hills. OWN IT.

    Let's get matching Justin Bobby portrait tattoos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have you to blame for all this :) my dvr is now packed to the hills with spencer Pratt. Although, ill totally take you up on Justin bobby tats!! He's so pretty...even when he wears combat boots to the beach

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  5. Ummm... yeah... so I just finished watching all the episodes they have on Hulu Plus. It was the first time I had ever watched it, but still. You have a way of making me confess all my guilty pleasures. lol

    ReplyDelete
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