Saturday, August 17, 2013

things that cost more than a jewel book of poems

As a Nashvillian who loves the challenge and determination necessary to get a solid deal- I love McKay's Used Books, but this weekend, amid the piles of secondhand tomes and once loved VHS, I found something that made my inner teenager very sad.
oh, how the mighty have fallen
As you may guess, not unlike many now 30-year-old gals, I spent my adolescence deluding myself into thinking I was a very complex tortured poet. In my rubber banded braces and Gap overalls, I liked to think me and ol' Jewel were kindred spirits. [Tangent: What girl my age didn't own Pieces of You? I can't confirm or deny it. but I may or may not have recited one of her songs to my English class freshman year. I was a tool, but we all were. Everyone loved Jewel. She was not an isolated case; I also felt this was about Alanis...Though I have already touched on my Jagged Little obsession here here and here.] So when I saw her poetry book for 5 cents, it should have made me super elated, but it made me mildly depressed. Selling something for 5 cents?!? Might as well put it in the free bin outside. My maternal underdog instincts kicked in and I knew, not unlike a sad feminist puppy, I had to rescue it, even if I had no intention of reading it. I threw it in my basket. [Tangent: The book had clearly been really loved by whoever actually bought it a BookWorld or Borders, or some other store that no longer exists. Pages were folded and a section was marked with a torn magazine clipping, an article about Gwen Stefani. I felt it needed a home.]

As, I wandered the store, as I always do, I surveyed some of the silly things that line the shelves, and started to put truly in perspective the value of Jewel's poetry.  I'll share some of these things. I now give you....

7 Things that are priced higher than Jewel's poetry at McKay's

1. Macarena Club Cutz cassette tape 
    Price: $0.25 (5 books of Jewel poetry)

2. Children's Boo Book
    Price: $0.50  (10 books of Jewel poetry)
this book was about 3 inches square.
3.  Either of these Northern Exposure fan guides
     Price: $0.75 cents (15 books of Jewel poetry)


4. A VHS tape of the Tim Allen classic Jungle 2 Jungle
    Price- $0.95 (19 books of Jewel poetry)


5. ESPN presents Jock Jams volume 4
   Price: $1.45 (29 books of Jewel poetry)


6. Goosebumps Postcard book
    Price: $2.00 (40 books of Jewel poetry)


7. The Coach soundtrack*
    Price: $2.95 (59 books of Jewel poetry)

*upon further inspection, I learned this wasn't a traditional sountrack, it was an odd mishmash of songs that were personally selected by Hayden Fox, a fictional character.


As I put this all in perspective, I started to think A Night Without Armor was the cheapest thing at McKay's. That seemed wrong to me. I didn't want poor weird Jewel poetry to be made insignificant by the Jungle to Jungle VHS tapes of the world. That was until I found that there was another literary masterpiece that was being dispensed for merely a nickel.


1 Thing That is Equal in Value to Jewel's Poetry at McKay's

20 comments:

  1. Thought-provoking and funny. Sounds like a good day at McKay's! Did you buy anything else interesting?

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    1. I was actually really good. I only bought 2 books that were ones that I have been wanting to read: The John Stewart book, Earth: An Owner's Manual and Love is a Mixtape. Usually I impulse buy anything that looks interesting...and I don't ever read them.

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  2. I love this post and how you measured everything in Jewel bucks. I haven't been to the new McKay's but I think it might blow my mind. The last time I was there, I got so many horridly old cookbooks that I had to get someone to help me carry them. It got out of control. I loved Jewel too and now she annoys me. It's funny how the tides can shift. I had a poetry phase too and when I look back at those poems? I realize how utterly HORRID they were. I hope you got the hamburger jokes book as well.

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    1. Yes, they are all terrible. I think my brother (who had a huge Jewel boner back in the day) owned this and I borrowed it from him. I remember thinking then that she was really complicated in deep....2013 kimmie is not as impressed.

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  3. SO. FUNNY. How many Jewel books would this cost is my new favorite game. I also love that you pointed out that soundtrack is comprised of "songs that were personally selected by Hayden Fox, a fictional character". My parents LUHVED that show. And I want a freakin' Goosebumps postcard book! I need to come up with the 40 Jewel books to buy that.

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    1. I almost bought it! But it should still be there in by the counter on the little weird shelves that are by where you stand in line. Several years ago, I bought a babysitter's club postcard book in this same area at the old store.

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  4. Girl, you were right down the street from me and didn't even know it!
    I've been selling books to McKay's lately. I've been a serious book hoarder for many years but the internet makes for a fine virtual library so I've sold lots to McKay's. Can't seem to give up my astrology books yet, though.

    Jewel has always annoyed me and I can't tell you why. She seems like a perfectly nice person, just not my cup of tea. Something a little too country about her twangy voice.

    Alicia

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    1. Yeah...I am not such a fan now, but don't tell that to my inner 8th grader.

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  5. I HAD THE BSC POSTCARD BOOK! p.s. I'm the only girl that hated/hates Jewel.

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    1. Haha! Yes I have it. On one of me and Jamie's first dates, we went to mckays and he talked me into buying it.

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  6. P.S this is IG friend kutchmade, WAS TOO EXCITED TO REGISTER FIRST! CLAUDIA KISHI AND STACEY MCGILL FOREVERRR!!!

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  7. THIS POST IS SO FUNNY! Also, why did you not buy me the Northern Exposure fan guides?!

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    1. I should have. I'm secretly hoping they are pure fab fiction bc I would love to hear more Hollis shenanigans at the bar. I'm sure it'll still be there on my next visit. In which case, it's all yours!

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  8. Replies
    1. Thanks!!! I'm still baffled a week later

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  9. Hilarious! I so loved Jewel, she totally "got me" in hs. Such a shame ol' society can't appreciate the girl who lived in her car more. Sad, sad day.

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    1. I'm pretty sure I recited I'm sensitive to my freshman English class prose style. I'm such a tool. Why did I have friends in high school?

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  10. HA HA!! I missed this post! And I can't believe I almost missed it for good... whew!
    Kimmie Jones, these kind of posts are what break p the monotony of the blogosphere. Truly, this was a masterpiece and I feel you on every single word, girl (still have Pieces of You). I buy a lot of stuff (well documented) just because I feel sorry for it.
    Did you buy me the hamburger joke book?? ;)
    Awesomest post of August...

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    1. I didn't buy the hamburger joke book. And you know that I am TOTALLY kicking myself for leaving it behind. I probably need to add some hamburger material to my life. I must give partial quality to my ginger for making up the concept of Jewel bucks. When we saw that tiny ghost book, he said "that's like 10 books of Jewel poetry"...and then a light bulb went off.

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    2. ahhh...those gingers are always so smart and witty ;)(complimentary stereotypes are ok)

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