Monday, August 26, 2013

twerkin' and hashtaggin' with miley

[Disclaimer: Prior to last night, I had a post all ready to roll about my Armenian food obsession, but then this dumpster fire of a performance reigned down on America...and I knew I had to veer off topic.]

Although I seem to keep on top of popular culture with my daily viewings of Inside Edition and the mysterious Us Weekly issues that appear on my doorstep each Friday, I'm an old woman and I don't listen to top 40 radio so I am dreadfully out of touch. All I knew of Miley Cyrus post- Party in the USA era is that she got a Brigitte Nielson 'do and was all about not keeping her tongue in her mouth.

This was the case until about a month ago when my buddy Rae implored me to drop everything I was doing and go watch her video for "We Can't Stop." [Tangent: Of course, videos are not something you see on TV anymore, because well, Hello! MTV has like season 27 of Teen Mom to air ad infinitum...so I youtubed it. If you haven't seen it, watch it below now. Take a Miley break and prepare for ballyhoo. My favorite part is the guy trying to sexily eat toast in a giant pile of bread, because I think that is the first time that has adequately captured on film.]


 
[Tangent: The song was kinda meh, but I kept singing the one part "la da di da di- Dancing with Miley." This was the redeemable part of the song that made it palatable to me, until today when I realized I was totally mishearing that lyric and she wasn't saying "Miley"...she was saying "Molly." Who the hell is Molly? Oh, wait it's slang for ecstacy? I am dreadfully unhip and apparently need to just go apply for my AARP card. I kinda wish no one had told me so I could imagine Miley was just twirling with her American Girl doll. Below is my badly photoshopped re-enactment.]

   
OK, fast forward to last night, I am watching the VMAs [Tangent: After Breaking Bad of course. I have priorities!] and I see the new "edgy Miley"  take the stage in what looks like a lost member of the Showbiz Pizza band, The Rockafire Explosion, and I knew a shit show was about to occur. [Tangent: I am all for the Avant gard...but good lord, I get it Miss Cyrus, you aren't Hannah Montana anymore. You're edgy. You're not a little girl anymore. Got it.]


 It was all that I could've hoped and more. [Tangent: If you haven't see the 100000 replays of it, you can check it on here on Mashable.com] So much thrusting and twerking and  molesting poor sweet Robin Thicke in his best Beatlejuice couture before some rapper I have never heard of comes out in Dwayne Wayne glasses to rescue me from Miley in her rubber bikini.  I think the tipping point to crazy town was when she made a penis out of her foam finger and just air humped with her tongue permanently hanging out of her mouth, naturally. [Tangent: I felt so violated.]


The rest of the evening after this was a blur. A song I had never heard won song of the summer. Joey Fatone took some time off from being the announcer on Family Feud to go cut a rug with J Timberlake and company...but still I felt there was so much damage done from Miley that I couldn't fully concentrate. As it was setting in that I was old and out of touch [Tangent: Probably worsened when I was saying aloud "Why do none of these girls have pants on?!?], I took to the social media landscape to see what others thought.  It is truly pop cultural moments like these that remind me why I love the internet. Within an hour of Miley's performance, social media was exploding. These are some of my favorite instagram screencaps from the hastag #VMA2013







So basically long story short, if Miley Cyrus is the mouthpiece for her generation....I am OK being 30.

10 comments:

  1. Soooo crazy. I don't want to see her tongue ever again.

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    1. I rewatched it again today and was like "WHY ARE YOU STICKING OUT YOUR TONGUE!??!?" It was so excessive and weird.

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  2. Talk about out of touch...I hadn't heard anything about this until I started reading blogs this evening. I never understood her...Unfortunately, she is now THE poster child for a generation of people who are raised thinking that the best thing one can become is "famous." Talent doesn't matter. Style doesn't matter. Self-respect doesn't matter. Contributing to society doesn't matter. Family doesn't matter. Common decency doesn't matter. What matters is endless attention, what's trending, and fame/infamy. She/it is the product of ruthless parents who do their best to perpetuate their own celebrity by whoring out their kid. Stuff like this will pass (as inevitably will her fame). It was distasteful but it's not the end of the world...it just feels like the beginning of the end.

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    1. So well stated, Mr. Tiny. You must be a blogger or something. :) I often say I grew up at the right time, because I totally bypassed all this crazy. I cannot even fathom being a teen with access to texting and facebook and twitter and all that stuff. My family didn't get internet till I was almost in college...I was the weirdo that was typing her Beowulf essay on my dad'd old word processor. Getting all that access at a young age seems completely overwhelming and a recipe for disaster. Because part of my life exists on the internet, I often bear witness to kids becoming whores for fame. The fact that you can be 18 and be an instagram "celebrity" still baffles my noggin. I'm pretty sure that that is veering off topic a bit...but seriously. Kids today have weird priorities.

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  3. There are all these people on Twitter who are like, "Leave Miley alone, think of the stupid stuff you did when you were 20."

    Um, when I was 20, I was a cadet at West Point. I had a sip of beer and was punished severely for it, receiving room restriction and punishment hours. I maintained a 3.58 GPA and went on to serve in Iraq and lead troops in the Army by age 22.

    So yeah, I think her sh*t is bananas. In a bad way.

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    1. I don't feel bad saying she's kind of a spoiled brat.

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  4. Great commentary, my friend! You know, I hadn't seen that video BUT had seen a spoof of it. The actual video looks more like a spoof than the spoof itself does. If that's how the 20 year olds party, count me out. And seriously..we all have tongues but nobody wants to see them.

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    1. My friend tonight said her whole routine was the moving version of when you were really young and would get drunk and try to pose sexy (tongue all out. standing awkwardly. etc). I thought that was a good description.

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