Wednesday, September 25, 2013

fat kid reviews: monster cereals

When I was little, cereal never really floated my boat. Sure...sometimes, I would eat a bowl of shredded wheat or something, but sugarry cereals were something that were barely on my radar.  [Tangent:Contrary to my adult fat kid inclinations, my family raised me reading food labels from a young age.  I always say we were not a Kool Aid family, we were a Crystal Lite clan. In fact, as a child I would be the kid drinking diet coke as a "big treat"] Even in college, when my peers, stoned and sober, were gorging themselves on salad bowls full of fruit loops, I never really partook. Clearly, I was missing something, right?

Cut to last week when I went to 2 different Targets with my ginger as he was on some Tolkien quest to find the set up 5 vintage packaged General Mills monster cereals, including the two "lost" flavors from the late 80's adorably called Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy.  [Tangent: Such deja vu to the search for the limited edition Lays chip flavors from Springtime. ] He went to several others and at every turn he kept coming up short, finding just the standard Count Chocula and Frankenberry or not finding the vintage packaging he hoped for. Fortune struck this weekend when we were driving home from East Tennessee and his longtime friend and former roomie sent him a photo of an end cap featuring his Valhalla- the complete set of five white boxes emblazoned with effeminate and not at all menacing monsters. Naturally, that Target was his first stop after work the following day. [Tangent: So yeah, that means an adult man left Target with 5 regular sized boxes of children's cereal in his cart. No big deal.]

 Since I was clearly was deprived as a child of marshmallow laden cereals, we decided a fat kid review was in order. [Tangent: Like most things, I didn't half ass it... I made a scientific tasting palette....kinda like a cheese tray at a fancy party...only constructed from napkins and ballpoint pen and instead of brie and camembert, it contains cereal pellets shaped like PacMan yeah, other than that- completely like a fancy cheese plate.]

The whole experience was kind of gross. Maybe my palette is not refined enough to distinguish the intricacies that make Frute Brute different than Frankenberry...other than Frankenberry was more gross. It tasted like strawberry Pez and Frute Brute tasted more like if you soaked cheerios in Hawaiian Punch. However, I tried to remain objective and give them all a chance.

I will say that out of all of them, I could see myself eating a whole bowl of Boo Berry and/or Yummy Mummy, but it would take me roughly a year to consume a box. Although Boo Berry creeped me out a bit because a breakfast cereal shouldn't be navy, I gave it a chance and was surprised that it wasn't as crazy overpowering as the others. It is clearly Jamie's favorite as shown below where he is impersonating the sleepy eyed, jaunty hat wearin' and jazz handsin' Boo. Not so intimidating for a ghost, right? [Tangent: He kinda reminded me of the WB frog...but in ghost form. ]

I opted to endorse the limited edition deliciousness of Yummy Mummy as the least gross of the bunch. There really aren't enough orange cream cereals on the market, and god only knows how I love a creamsicle or orangey soda.  Here's me pledging my allegiance by making googly eyes at the clearly flamboyant, and thus disinterested Yummy Mummy.

Happy eating ya'll!


  1. I wasn't allowed sugary cereals either. Since I have a huge sweet tooth, this was for the best.

    I saw a bunch of vintage Doritos bags at the grocery store the other day!

    1. Yeah, I think it was a good move for my parents because I would have seriously eaten a whole box in one day as a child.

  2. I've just never been a cereal eater. I find they taste like sweet dirt, and I don't like milk, either, so that doesn't help. Mr S loves cereal and once bought something called "Kaboom" based purely on the cool name. He didn't finish it because he said it tasted awful.


    1. Yeah it's just never interested me...and after trying all these still doesn't


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