Thursday, October 31, 2013

obligatory halloween post featuring amazing costumes for wheelchair users!

Hey everybody, happy rainy and gross and possibly tornado-filled Halloween! [Tangent: Yeah that's right, it has been pretty and fairly nice all week, but then today Mother Nature's bottom is supposed to fall out in the Mid-State area. Thankfully, I am childless and too old to trick-or-treat without it just being weird, so I'm not letting it literally rain on my parade. I guess all the kiddos will just come to knock and pumpkin smash on November 1st instead. ]   This morning when I got up, I got sad for about 2 milliseconds because for years I've  rocked a costume for work, [Tangent: even when no one else did and I was the asshole in a pirate costume.] and this year my day of Halloween costume is that of an underemployed lady wearing jeggings and a tshirt. Boo. I then remembered last year Halloween fell on my work from home day anyway,  and at the time,  I was kind of elated because at that point I was anti spirit. This made me feel better. Two milliseconds of sadness instantly erased.

I was gonna go visit baby Claire today but I really have a huge fear of driving my car when it rains too hard because the wipers suck. [Tangent: All the NICU babies are wearing costumes today and really what can get cuter than that. Kristen informed me that all the girl babies are gonna be French Maids, which is something that made me laugh terribly hard. Seemed scandalous for pint size babies! I love it! ] Dang, what was I gonna do to get in the spirit? Something had to happen.

The costume party I am attending isn't until Saturday [Tangent: And I am still working on my costume after our 3rd trip to Joann's. Pics to follow next week.], so technically the only reminder that today is a holiday at all is the fact that the cast of The Chew were dressed up like the Spice Girls. In fact not even cable is helping me out today.  I was itching to watch some horror movies, but apparently slasher movies don't cater to a daytime audience. Lame. Instead, I watched Notes on a Scandal for like the third time. I guess a British drama about statutory rape starring Judi Dench is frightening as Children of the Corn, right?

Being that today is probably my favorite holiday, I don't like that I have not yet celebrated accurately, so I decided to share with you my favorite costumes for us wheeled ones.  Example: Remember when Mac's character is Saved was a Roller Skate? [Tangent: My friend Beth also did this genius idea a few years ago on all Hallow's eve.]

Since childhood, I have realized that people in chairs have a HUGE advantage on this holiday, because it can be completely impractical and impossible to walk in. There are so many out there, but these are my all-time faves.

I'm lucky enough to know the gal on the 1's and the 2's. Spinderella was my roomie for 2 years!

I know I have mentioned this chick before, but for real her costumes amaze me. Check out her blog and other costumes here
the same girl who brought to life Pee Wee did this genius display this year. Read about it here.
this adorable wheel of fortune kid was found on

after watching and being obsessed with Behind the Candelabra, you know I LOVED this one featured here

I know this seems unwieldy, but it is seriously awesome.
I read about this amazing costume here.

I am only mad I didn't think of this costume. It's a Barbie styling head. My sister and I will forever call these "Barbie Big heads"

Both this shark week costume and the one above were blatantly stolen from this site

After looking at all these, I think I really need to up my game!!! What are you gonna be?

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"bangable" Milhouse aka why I love the internet

Are you ready to hear perhaps the greatest Halloween costume tale ever? God, I hope so, because here it comes.

Back story, my friend Ryan, who I met a few years ago through my pub trivia team, has a love of all things pop culture and takes Halloween more seriously than some take religious rites. [Tangent: ...which is exactly why we are friends. How could we not get along? You may also remember Ryan as the guy that bought me the Full House board game at Goodwill. He's good people.] Here are some of his previous costumes. From Marty McFly to Jason Lee's character in Mallrats to Seymour Krelborn from Little Shop of Horrors, they are all spot on! People are on pins and needles as to what he is gonna be every year. However, the one that got the most kudos was his turn last year as Milhouse Van Houten from The Simpsons. [Tangent: Painting yourself head to toe mustard yellow and dying hair and brows cobalt blue will do that.]

Apparently his friends weren't the only ones that thought it was amazing, because last week, while at the beach, I got the following text from Ryan [Tangent: One which made me snort saltwater and immediately show it to everyone in my family that was there. ]

[Tangent: I should go ahead and file a disclaimer, my friend Ryan is NOT gay. He likes the ladies. And he is currently single, so if you are an attractive nerdy gal who is into guys who respect the sanctity of Halloween, let me know...I'll set you up! Though when a gay-centric tumblr called "Tumblin with Hotties" selects you as the flavor of the day, you of course are rightfully flattered. ]

Within moments of sucking in the knowledge that my friend was being featured on a site that is decidedly NOT SAFE FOR WORK [Tangent: As evidenced that there were naughty gifs and many many naked pelvises plastering my laptop a few minutes ago.], my curious self was naturally clicking the link he sent to see in what context he was used. It was better than I could have imagined. The caption was very succinct, yet hilarious.

kinda gives MILF a new meaning

Yeah...this pretty much sums up exactly why I love the internet. How am I still shocked by the things it presents to me? No I am not shocked that Tumblin' with Hotties exists, but I am a little surprised that amid its many many many shots of naked dudes in leather chaps and or men in quite compromising scenarios, it included this photo of my friend painted yellow clutching a Krusty the Clown doll.

Is this a fetish I am not aware of? Simpsons erotica? And if so, is Milhouse like the holy grail of characters you would wanna bang? If not, is there a ancillary character you find gets your motor running more? Please, I really need feedback on this. [Tangent: I mean I love redheads with accents and facial hair, but Groundkeeper Willy doesn't do it for me. Sorry pervs. ]

ok...but maybe he should. He's kinda ripped!
What cartoon would you like to get to know in the Biblical sense?

heroes in a halfshell...sea turtle power

When I was in college, for about two semesters- I was obsessed with the idea of having a pet. Because I lived in on campus apartments, I was mostly limited to things that could exist under a dome or inside a terarium/aquarium contraption. After losing my beloved black goldfish, Lamont, [Tangent: Named of course after Rudy Huxtable's black goldfish!], I decided I wanted a turtle because they are immortal.

After picking out an adorable turtle lagoon online and a suitable name [Tangent: Male or female,  Lisa Turtle was a no brainer.], I learned that my dream pet was not to be. Apparently, they are carriers for salmonella and illegal in the state of Tennessee. You can only buy them if you are doing so for educational purposes and you basically have to smuggle them from another state or buy them online. Before I could procure a black market amphibian, something else, a shiny object perhaps, distracted me...and I never did make my turtle dream a reality. 

Prior to this, when I was maybe 8,  I did have two turtle friends I met in the wilds of my neighborhood creek that were my pets for like 2 days [Tangent: Ya know...long enough so I could take them to show and tell, but not long enough that I killed them!]. One was Michaelangelo and the other was Garth. [Tangent: How's that for consistant naming?] In retrospect, I am 99% sure Garth was a terrapin and not a turtle, because his ugly mug was really creepy and prehistoric looking, so clearly he was not my favorite of the two!

Now that you have seen my lengthy history with having turtle fever, you will understand why I was so excited to hear that last week, while beachin' it in Holden Beach, North Carolina, I was going to get to see baby sea turtles hatching! [Tangent: Yes, you heard correctly. BABY SEA TURTLES HATCHING, YA'LL! My family vacationed at Holden for the entirity of my childhood, and I have always heard of their sea turtle rescue programs they do on the island and how they dig up the remaining eggs/turtles every fall and help them get to the ocean safely. It is something that I have always wanted to witness, but never have. ] After a tip from an oceanfront neighbor, we learned they were going to be unearthing the babies about 500 feet from our walkway! This was beyond Christmas x 10000!

The Holden Beach Turtle Patrol doesn't mess around...they have hoodies emblazoned with their logo and a website and an emergency pager! This group of dedicated and turtle obsessed retirees are legit! Since 1989, they have helped protect the baby turtles and keep count of how many eggs are hatched vs how many turtles are born every year. It's a science really...even though they may have some not so scientific techniques like sticking the baby turtles in the front pockets of their hoodies to warm them or keeping them in tupperware before setting them onto their little track to the sea. It was so fun to watch them being unearthed cheer them on as they marched to freedom!
look at this proud turtle mama!

Monday, October 28, 2013

welcome to the world, sweet teacup baby!

Oh my, last week was pretty overwhelming in nearly a bazillion ways. So much stuff that I have stressed about and planned for happened and now I am finally having time to process it! As I wrote about a little over a week ago, last Saturday was my dad's memorial service in his second home of Raeford, North Carolina, followed by a trip to my dad's favorite place- the beach! [Tangent: This trip is one something I have looked forward to/dreaded for some time because I knew the likeliehood that I would be thrown into an emotional tailspin was high! My siblings and mom were all going to speak at this one and ever the procrastinator, I didn't come up with something to say until 2 AM the evening before the ceremony!] On my way out of town, to make things more intense, I learned that my best friend of over 20 years was being admitted to the hospital because she was having some hiccups with her pregnancy at 35 weeks. [Tangent: You may remember baby Claire from this post I wrote last month about Kristen going public with Claire's Down Syndrome diagnosis.]

Though she tried to hold onto Claire as long as possible, the docs decided that the babe needed to come out to get the medical help she needed. So after trying to fakeout my best friend's body for 2 days into delivering that baby, they opted to do a C-section and baby Claire met the universe including her mama and daddy for the first time.

Selfishly, I was beyond bummed to be hundreds and hundreds of miles away while all this was going down, but Kristen and her family made me feel totally involved, which warmed my little heart to no end. We skyped and face-timed while she was waiting around for her to come out and then the night of her birth, she formally introduced me to the sweetest little 3 lb, 14 ounce little sugar bean I had ever seen. [Tangent: Seriously, what did we do before technology? It makes moments like these possible. My almost 2 year-old niece, Ellie, who was at the beach with us and who is no stranger to video chats, nearly broke her neck trying to sneak a peak at baby Claire on the small screen. When I logged off, for hours I listened to, "Keemee, where da babee go?"] So tiny. So perfect.

pardon my lack of makeup...I was on vacation.
Being that Claire already had chips stacked against her with the heart defect and the DS diagnosis, I think everyone was afraid that being a premie was just gonna make it harder on her, but seriously this little girl is TOUGH! She is surpassing everyone's expectations on a daily basis and is constantly wiggling and winking and sticking her tongue out! [Tangent: See the size of her next to her daddy's hand for scale!]

I finally got to meet her yesterday afternoon and she was rosy and pink, and aside from being teacup sized, she looks perfectly healthy! Here's a picture I snapped of her after staring at her for about 15 minutes!

She is doing great and I can't wait for her to go home and meet her older dog-brother, Ranger, and get set up in her sparkley purple nursery! She's pretty awesome and deservedly is already a celebrity around the NICU!
stunner shades already!
 Welcome to the world, little miss! Your aunt Kimmie is kinda obsessed with you already!

Sunday, October 27, 2013

guest blog: Haunted Houses! Do Not Enter for Fear of Poor Access

Hey friends!! I have been out of town for 10 days and although my mind is reeling with fun adventures to write about, [Example: I saw baby turtles being born, ya'll!] I am still in vacay mode and would prefer to lounge around drinking a Bartles & James (a leftover from the beach) and catching up on my DVR'd shows that I've missed [Tangent: Like I don't know who won Project Runway yet!]

My priorities clearly are out of whack so luckily, I am handing over my reins to a perfect stranger who volunteered to write for me. Her name is Emily Buchanan and you can see her work here. She works for Chartwell, a wheelchair and mobilty aid insurer. She said she would write about anything I wanted of course I opted for something concerning the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

As much as I love being scared to the point of incontinence, I have always hated haunted houses [Tangent: I got scared by one given by the YMCA when I was in 4th grade, and have never looked back.]. Not only do I NOT enjoy having ghouls and goblins getting all up in my business, they are horribly un-wheelchair friendly! It's something I have wanted to touch on for years so I am glad it's getting written about! Without any further ado, here's Em's take on haunted houses:

Haunted Houses: Do not Enter for Fear of Poor Access

 Love it or hate it, Halloween is more popular than ever. From Fright Nights to Haunted Houses, Zombie Runs to Grave Yard Gore Fests, the season of pumpkins and pranks has become a booming industry – grossing $1 billion in the US alone.

I, for one, am pulling the bed sheets around my ears this time of year. I’m a bit of a wimp and by “bit of a wimp” I mean that I STILL can’t close my eyes in the shower since watching the Grudge in 2004. As it goes, the general public does not share my delicate disposition. It’s estimated that 4,500 Halloween attractions open their doors in the U.S every October, some temporarily and others in permanent theme parks. Whilst I can appreciate their realism and their attention to detail, the only real issue I have with these haunts is their unashamed snub of the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).

Indeed, many organizers seem mightily put out at having to accommodate everyone. One such organizer took to a haunted house forum to express their frustration, in a post aptly titled “Haunted house vs ADA.” In it they wrote, “We just had our first year and it was extremely successful, we did however run into some snags. I think that our biggest one was havin the building dept tell us that we needed our facility to be wheel chair accessible [sic].” Should accessibility ever be called a snag? I think not.  The ‘FrightmareFarms’ owner continues: “I was wondering if there was any information that would help us haunters maybe be able to get by without having to spend tons of money and completely change the layout of our haunted barn?” Whilst one member of the forum nobly tells the ghoulish cattle herder to change their attitude, the question digs up a number of complicated issues surrounding ADA law, complicated issues that I shall herein try to explain…

The reason so many wheelchair users are stuck for choices at Halloween is because the guidelines are easily misinterpreted (read: overlooked). "Any new haunt has to be fully accessible," says Chartwell Insurance, "but if they're doing modifications to an existing facility, the accessibility requirements are much lower." This means that any haunted house functioning from a “grandfathered” building (one that requires historical preservation by law) is not expected to install ramps and lifts. However, this also means that any haunted house functioning from a premise that is anything less than brand new can get away with wheelchair unfriendliness. After all, many of these attractions pop up for a few weeks and are held inside modified retail spaces or old abandoned buildings. It’s very easy for them to go under the radar.

Reassuringly, I’m not the only outraged party. "It's shocking to me that it’s been 23 years since the birth of the ADA and our society continues to blatantly ignore it,” says Chris Miller of The Mobility Resource. “This issue is especially prevalent during holidays. Sure, it may take a little more effort and money to make a haunted house ADA-compliant, but most people don't realize there are huge tax credits for modifications." He’s not wrong. To incentivize ADA, the IRS gives businesses a 50% tax credit towards the costs and generally speaking, most of the “brand name” haunted houses have already seized this opportunity. For example, Universal are happy to report that all of their attractions are fully accessible and the same can be said for most events aimed at children. However, if you don’t want to attend a watered-down version of the Nightmare Before Christmas or spend upwards of $80 for a ticket, what else is there?

An extensive Google search for ADA-compliance revealed the following haunts. I’m sure there HAS to be others out there? Does anyone know of any?

1. Halloween Ball at the Haunted Hotel, Colorado

2. Savage House, San Diego

3. Howl-O-Scream, Busch Gardens, Florida

4. Hanover House of Horrors, Massachusetts

5. 13th Door, Colorado

6. Fear City, Chicago

Whatever you get up to this Halloween, I hope you have crazy amounts of fun. As for me, I’ll be hiding in the cupboard under the stairs until spring.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Head and the Heart and Dr Dog- Up close and personal

As alluded to Sunday, I've got a lot going on currently. Among them being that I am leaving in a few days to go to North Carolina for a week with my family to fulfill my dad's wishes of having a memorial service in his hometown and the to spend the week at the beach with the people I love. [Tangent: This memorial service is odder to prepare for that the one we had immediately after his passing in December. Having more time to prepare makes it almost harder because we have no excuse for not doing my dad justice. My google engine even taught me there is a website for morons like me who need help planning memorial service; is, in fact, a thing.  Only beware that some of the proposed quotes to use for memorial services are from The Lion King. I have no concept of how my family did this 10 months ago in 3 days.] It hasn't all been stressful and sad. In the last week or so, I have had some truly content and blissful moments...and 2 of them happened at a place of happy music: Grimey's!

Because my ginger is a complete record nerd, he spends most of his time and pocket change at local record stores, and thus knows when cool things are going on around town. [Tangent: He has tried his best to shapeshift me into a record enthusiast, but those things take time. I mean I love my little record collection he has helped me build, but laziness and impatience usually wins out and I'll generally just download an album I am excited about. It's hard to teach an new dog old tricks, I guess.] Because he seems to keep himself in the loop, we have been able to go to some really cool free shows like seeing Andrew Bird in the spring and going to see both The Head and The Heart and Dr. Dog in just the span of two weeks.I had seen both of these acts live before and they are ones that sound even better live that on an album so going to see them when they are in town is not a question of's a question of how fast can my robot car can get there. And seeing them in an intimate setting is 10000x more appealing then on a huge stage.

The only downside is that I am generally one of the oldest people there, and now one wants to be that sad lady with the gray hairs poking [Tangent: ...and I know they are there because my hair stylist mentioned them to me today. Thanks!] and giggling to yourself listening to 17 year olds nearby philosophize about religion and life.  Silly children. Wait, when did I become that person? At Head and The Heart, I immediately clung to the guy in front of us that was prematurely I know we should form an alliance of adults.

this is me looking terrified of the hoards of youngins behind me.

The show was great and as seen above, was super packed to the gills. Luckily, we got there early so we got right up front, basically nose to nose with the band. [Tangent: I always wonder how awkward it is for the band to be that close to their audience. I know, it's awkward for me being that close. I try not to rest my eyes to long on one band member as not to come off super creepy. It's the one burden of being a front row kinda gal.] I love every member of The Head and The Heart, but the singer and violin/fiddler Charity is my favorite, because no matter how many times she has played the songs off their album...she gets SUPER INTO IT! Like she looks like she is feeling every word and may break down crying at any moment. I love that.

sorry for the terrible off perspective. I had to picstitch two images together, because I was too close to the band. #firstworldproblems, I know I know.
 Because of the throngs of people waiting oustide, the  band opted to move the crowds outside to play their last song out front of Grimey's Too in the bed of a red pickup. They played their biggest hit, Lost in my Mind,  so of course everyone lost their own damn minds. It was such an awesomely magical "wait, am I on TV?" kinda moment.

Ok. So truthfully, they were parked illegally in a handicapped spot, but I couldn't fault them because this moment was totally worth the parking violation.
As I was just coming down off the high of seeing this incredible and free of charge explosion of musicality, Dr. Dog was coming to play their in store in between their stints opening for the Lumineers at the Ryman. [Tangent: All you had to do to gain entry was buy their album at Grimey's and get your name on the list...which I did the same day I saw The Head and the Heart.] I've seen these guys 3 times now, and each time is better than the last. I dare anyone to see them live and not immediately be a fan. [Tangent: Obviously, half of the band is wearing sunglasses as to avoid the awkward eye contact with audience members. Smart cookies.]

The audience was into it, naturally, given they were invested fans who likely bought the album the day it hit the shelves. Also, the crowd had some folks over 30  in it, including me Jamie and my friend Brandon who drove up from Huntsville....and for some reason A LOT OF GINGERS! Clearly, I was in the right place. I will leave you with some of their Tiny Desk Concert they did for NPR, to give you an idea of what it was like. Have fun having your face melted off by amazing music!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

let's talk about us: the final issue

Pointless Preamble: Hey guys! Sorry I have been MIA more or less lately. Life kinda happened and I have been super duper overwhelmed busy. I couldn't begin to imagine where my thoughts should even perch long enough to complete a coherent sentence, more or less a blog. This all sucks because I have lots and lots to play catch up on at some point. [Tangent: Like did you know somehow my sexy costume blog got crazy popular passed around on Facebook and on Reddit. What the hell? I went viral!!?!? I guess sexy sea turtles really resonate with people. I'll try to take my future cues from that new information.] Because I don't even know what to start with...of course I will just go off on a tangent and forego the interesting to write about some minute detail of my day...that probably no one will care about, but that I feel the need to get off my chest! The usual.

So you guys aren't new should know about my reliance on my US Weekly that mysteriously comes in my mailbox ever week. [Tangent: If you are new, get caught up here and here.] It's the most welcome thing that I never asked for. I love it, and I have grown to depend on when it comes on Saturday instead of the Friday norm, I get a bit edgy. [Tangent: That extra day of not knowing who wore it best: Heidi Klum or Dakota Fanning? Steven Tyler or Liv Tyler? is a bit excruciating and there may or may not be nail biting involved.]

OK. So maybe I am being a pinch on the melodramatic side, but I really don't think so. I mean the issue that I got in the mail today had that dreaded additional card stock cover emblazoned with those 5 terrible words you never wanna see : "This is your last issue." Heavens to mergatroyd! That's beyond upsetting news. 

 [Tangent: Before you call me irrational, I full on realize this seems like it was bound to happen sooner or later. I didn't pay for the subscription! I never even asked for it, or knew that it was missing from my life. These trashy mags were always something read only when I am at the salon or in the hospital. The fact that it arrives in my mailbox is some weird mail/computer glitch...but perhaps the most serendipitous glitch in history. I love trivial facts and minutiae about prominent "celebrities", but from an economic and moral standpoint, I don't see myself paying for a weekly tabloid subscription.] If this piece of cardstock speaks the truth, I'll have to go a stretch without knowing what Kim Kardashian is up to every waking second of life. This transition will definitely take some kind of 12 step reprogramming. You can't renew something that you never subscribed to in the first place. [Tangent: That previous sentence sounded like it should be very deep and applicable to many complex life situations...but no, I use that wisdom to talk about the tabs.]

Thankfully, this possible last issue was a doozie filled with inane ridiculosity and gossip to keep me satisfied till I find a proper place filler for that US Weekly sized hole in my life that I'm about to incur. Here's my highlight reel. [Tangent: Mind you this is from ONE issue.]

US always has been TMI central on celebrity babies...and now I know that Kourtney Kardashian's baby has a hat fetish. Totally worthy of a full page spread; don't you think?

This is the part I may miss most of all. It's where you truly get to know people you didn't think you needed to know about in the first place.

Mario Lopez posing with a chocolate version of himself. If I still had an office cubicle- this is the kind of stuff I would pin to my wall to keep myself sane.

....alongside this picture of P Diddy Dirty Money dressed as Prince.

and learning about fashion trends that aren't really fashion trends.
 I guess this is the end of the road, Us. We had a good run. But I have moved on to brighter pastures. I read Entertainment Weekly now.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

bristol rhythm and roots: feeding my inner fatty

Ok guys. I have been totally negligent. Over the last couple weeks, I have done some very interesting blogworthy things, yet for some reason I haven't blogged about them...instead I blogged about eating children's cereal or mocking booby baring Halloween costumes. [Tangent: I have said this before, but it bears repeating. I can wax philosophical for eons about an episode of Bob's Burgers or the fact that Taylor Swift holds a pencil incorrectly in that Diet Coke ad, but I can't write about things that are actually big interesting events.] Now I kind of have to back track and remember the things that were really cool.

Two weekends ago, I went with my ginger to East Tennessee to visit his family and attend the Bristol Rhythm and Roots Reunion Festival, a 3 day festival of Americana and roots music. [Tangent: To some that are not Americana fans, this might seem super snooze-worthy, but their definition of Americana is pretty broad...and in previous years has been stretched to include acts like Dr. Dog and Deer Tick. ] It stretches down the main streets of Bristol (half in Tennessee/half in Virginia) and is super fun if you like the festival atmosphere, but also like to bathe and sleep indoors.

Anyway, when looking through my phone and pulling pictures for this blog, I realized a lot of my iPhone storage space was dedicated to indulgent things that I had eaten while in East Tennessee.  [Tangent: I try very hard not to be one of "those people" that are constantly instagramming their meals....mostly because I have no patience and when food is placed in front of me, I consume it immediately, but some of the foods I consumed at the fest were too insane not to make into kodak moments.]

Each time we go up East, I make it a point to stop at Pal's in Kingsport. I don't know if its the fact that they refer to french fries as "frenchie fries" or the fact that you can literally get a industrial sized drum of tea (with a straw) for like $1, but I love it. And look how cute this location is. HELLO GIANT WEINER!

Since it was vacation, and I completely subscribe to the belief system that when you are on vacation, you totally treat yo self and let your inner fat kid run rampant. Naturally, because it was a festival in the South, everything is fried, which is A-OK with me. [Tangent: This could explain why I ate a corn dog nearly everyday I was there.] A funnel cake was a no brainer, but fried balls of mac and cheese? How could I turn that down? [Tangent: Truth be told, the mac and cheese balls of fried-ness were not the greatest, but I had to try.]

Then there was the mysterious and always welcome King of Pops, based out of Atlanta, who me and Jamie referred to as the popsicle fairy, because he seemed to materialize in a different location (convenient to us) whenever we wanted a snack.  [Tangent: We started to feel like we had a telepathic connection with the guy, because more than once we would be craving one of the yummy frozen treats, but wouldn't feel like seeking out his mobile cart...then POOF!, not unlike Richard Marx- he was right there waiting. ] This vendor/mobile food cart dispensed really yummy natural gourmet popsicles. The orange basil was my favorites, but I sampled 4 of them and they were all good...even the spiced plum, which kind of tasted like a yankee candle...but a really delicious one.

It definitely makes me want to stalk the King of Pops and make up reasons I need to go to Atlanta. I need an orange basil fix! 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

You fancy, huh? wedding invitations in my mailbox

One of the things that comes along with being 30 is that it seems weekly I am going to a baby shower or a wedding. [Tangent: In fact, currently 3 of my nearest and dearest are great with child (Is that still a thing people say?) and I'm mentally juggling baby shower ideas and registries and clever onesie slogans on the regular.]

A planner by nature, I love all the elements of parties that make them personal to the person and therefore was knocked outta my shoes the week I got not one, but DOS unique and well constructed thematic wedding invitations. [Tangent: True, I've never been married or gone though the invitation buying process, but I did help my best friend with it a couple years ago. The options were a bit overwhelming. In fact, I halfway joked that when the blessed day comes that I'd just "go green" and send out an evite or Facebook event reminder...or better yet, the ever personal mass text laced with thematic emoji. (The little bride. The cake. Hearts. The ring.)]I may not know a lot other than I am incredibly cheap frugal, and  therefore impressed by DIY creative touches...the likes of which are unlike anything I've seen. TAKE THAT, PINTEREST!
From what I've gathered from helping my friends plan their nuptials, the invites can get hellaciously pricey, so I'm impressed when friends, who are design inclined, make their own. Basically this blog post is my excuse to show you my really cool mail. Deal with it.

The first invite I got was for my friends Drew and Meredith to promote their October Wedding [Tangent: I am not even sure if "promote" is the appropriate term. Oh well. You can't take the PR major out of me.]. They went with a vintage literature theme that they are carrying through every aspect of their wedding [Tangent: Their engagement photos were Great Gatsby theme and they are using their favorite books as inspiration throughout the affair.] The  envelopes  were even sealed with sealing wax and a monogrammed E with their last initial. [Tangent: I seriously want some sealing wax now. I think the mention of it in Puff the Magic Dragon has always made it a thing of mystery and intrigue. Damn little Jackie Paper!!!]

I have no idea where you even find library book cards, but this was a brilliant idea to me! The opposite side of the book card was a pre-stamped postcard.

Then when my friends Binkley and Allie got engaged, I knew crazy creativity was gonna come shooting out of their every crevice at me [Tangent: ewww... weird wording!]. They have an edge over the average bear because Binkley is a graphic designer and Allie is crazy crafty and has insane attention to detail. Their thematic concept is Travel, which I love. [Tangent: They are from opposite sides of the country. They'll have out of town guests. It seems legit.] Their Save the Dates were vintage Union Station postcards and most of their wedding mail has  included the term "union," which is super cute. 
each invitation consists of a little travel portfolio with ticket and itinerary

Every detail was covered. How cute are those air mail envelopes???

 So I guess what I am saying is that my friends are some amazingly creative people...and when my blessed day comes one day [Tangent: This is not an announcement of any kind. Pump your brakes, people.] I can't just text this to everyone and expect everyone to show up bearing gifts and formal wear. The bar has been raised. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

the most ridiculous sexy costumes of 2013

So today is October 1st, which means one of my favorite months is upon us. The month where Oreos get filled with orange cream instead of white, boots and scarves become everyday staples and the latest brigade of Halloween costumes hits the shelves. As has become tradition with this blog [Tangent: View prior years here here and here.] , I share with you the ones that baffle me the most- the "sexy costumes." In the past, I have always said these costumes that usually consist of some kind of thigh high, vag patch and bustier are the uncreative way out, but I think that is unfair. If anything the costume masterminds who come up with these costumes deserve at least a pat on the back for having the depravity ingenuity to make something as inoccuous as a scrabble board or a billiards table even a teench erotic. [Tangent: Anyone can decide to be a playboy bunny, a slutty nurse,  a slutty pirate or even a slutty sailor, but it takes a true forward thinker to think outside the box. Pun intended or unintended? You decide.]

Sexy "Words with Friends" and Sexy Pool Table

This year, I needed to look no further than the treasure trove of the scandalously ridiculous costume/lingerie retailer because for serious, they had hundreds and hundreds of costumes that made me laugh hysterically. I had a couple requirements for selecting them for this post: 1.  They had to be something that is not traditionally a sexy thing that is fetishized. 2. They had to be batshit crazy or batshit slutty like  some of these below. I hope you enjoy.

Sexy Edward Scissorhands

Sexy Jetson's Rosie the Maid

the dismembered robot head purse really sets off this look.

Sexy Knight's Templar and Sexy British Guard

Sexy Sock Monkey

Sexy Pizza and Sexy French Fries

Sexy Twizzlers

Sexy Kia Hamster
This was the most ridiculous thing I have seen in my entire life....hands down
Sexy DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba!

Sexy Michael Jackson

Probably the most modest of the bunch
Sexy Terminator

Sexy Barney the Dinosaur
Not sure who this appeals to, but Barney looks like he's eating chick's head

Sexy Ted (from the Movie Ted) and Sexy Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber

Sexy Hugh Hefner
Sexy Mental Patient

Sexy Sea Turtle

Sexy Generic Sookie Stackhouse

Apparently they couldn't get the trademark clearance so this one is called "Sexy telepathic waitress" and that's what the shirt says. Jamie and I agreed that if the shirt has to dictate what you are dressed as...perhaps its a shitty costume.
Sexy Mike from Monsters Inc.

Sexy Roger Rabbit
As if there isn't an overtly sexy character in that movie as is. Why would you pick Roger?
Sexy Orca

Sexy Carrot

The ever Subtle Sexy Cherry Blow Pop
Nothing at all subtle in this all.
So I hope you enjoyed this years cavalcade of head scratching costumes. And in answer to your question, I am not going to be any of these although Sexy Dick Tracy was tempting and on sale. [Tanegnt: Although, I don't think Jamie would make a good Breathless Mahoney.] What are you gonna be for Halloween?
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