Tuesday, October 1, 2013

the most ridiculous sexy costumes of 2013

So today is October 1st, which means one of my favorite months is upon us. The month where Oreos get filled with orange cream instead of white, boots and scarves become everyday staples and the latest brigade of Halloween costumes hits the shelves. As has become tradition with this blog [Tangent: View prior years here here and here.] , I share with you the ones that baffle me the most- the "sexy costumes." In the past, I have always said these costumes that usually consist of some kind of thigh high, vag patch and bustier are the uncreative way out, but I think that is unfair. If anything the costume masterminds who come up with these costumes deserve at least a pat on the back for having the depravity ingenuity to make something as inoccuous as a scrabble board or a billiards table even a teench erotic. [Tangent: Anyone can decide to be a playboy bunny, a slutty nurse,  a slutty pirate or even a slutty sailor, but it takes a true forward thinker to think outside the box. Pun intended or unintended? You decide.]

Sexy "Words with Friends" and Sexy Pool Table

This year, I needed to look no further than the treasure trove of the scandalously ridiculous costume/lingerie retailer yandy.com because for serious, they had hundreds and hundreds of costumes that made me laugh hysterically. I had a couple requirements for selecting them for this post: 1.  They had to be something that is not traditionally a sexy thing that is fetishized. 2. They had to be batshit crazy or batshit slutty like  some of these below. I hope you enjoy.

Sexy Edward Scissorhands

Sexy Jetson's Rosie the Maid

the dismembered robot head purse really sets off this look.

Sexy Knight's Templar and Sexy British Guard


Sexy Sock Monkey

Sexy Pizza and Sexy French Fries



Sexy Twizzlers




Sexy Kia Hamster
This was the most ridiculous thing I have seen in my entire life....hands down
Sexy DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba!

Sexy Michael Jackson

Probably the most modest of the bunch
Sexy Terminator

Sexy Barney the Dinosaur
Not sure who this appeals to, but Barney looks like he's eating chick's head

Sexy Ted (from the Movie Ted) and Sexy Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber


Sexy Hugh Hefner
Sexy Mental Patient

Sexy Sea Turtle


Sexy Generic Sookie Stackhouse


Apparently they couldn't get the trademark clearance so this one is called "Sexy telepathic waitress" and that's what the shirt says. Jamie and I agreed that if the shirt has to dictate what you are dressed as...perhaps its a shitty costume.
Sexy Mike from Monsters Inc.

Sexy Roger Rabbit
As if there isn't an overtly sexy character in that movie as is. Why would you pick Roger?
Sexy Orca

Sexy Carrot

The ever Subtle Sexy Cherry Blow Pop
Nothing at all subtle in this look...at all.
So I hope you enjoyed this years cavalcade of head scratching costumes. And in answer to your question, I am not going to be any of these although Sexy Dick Tracy was tempting and on sale. [Tanegnt: Although, I don't think Jamie would make a good Breathless Mahoney.] What are you gonna be for Halloween?

28 comments:

  1. I always look forward to your Halloween costume posts! I always have to wonder who buys most of those. I mean...sexy carrot? Sexy orca?

    I was going to get the sexy Dick Tracy one for the Mister and then I realized it was a slutty ole chick costume.

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    1. I thought of you, naturally, when I saw the Dick Tracy costume...merely because I know you have years of practice with Dick Tracy dirty talk.

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  2. i think the sexy dumb and dumber one is kind of cute! haha, but that is is. the sexy twizzler one is especially hilarious to me this year.
    i'm forcing travis to dress and spock, and I'm going to be carol marcus. i wanted to be sexy kirk, but I couldn't find the right color dress.

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    1. I am really excited to see Travis's spock incarnation...but do with that you could have made you dreams of sexy kirk a reality. Because you know they really are a couple anyway. I did see some sexy Uhuru costumes when finding these.

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  3. This post has inspired me to dress as a Sexy Kip. The real question is - should it be pre or post Lafawnduh?

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    1. POST! Lauren needs a do rag! I love this idea. Mostly if your fella is Lafawndah...or Uncle Rico.

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  4. Aaaaaaaaahhhh! So terrible! Thank you, Kimmie.

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    1. I know. I was embarassed how much time I spent looking at this stuff yesterday.

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  5. Oh my gosh, these are hilarious! I, too, enjoy laughing at the ridiculous sexy costumes each year. Sexy Orca is the best!

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    1. Sexy orca and sea turtle tie as my favorites. They are both so random...and inherently unsexy.

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  6. Finally!!!! I've been looking for a sexy orca costume foreverrrrr. Sexy mouse and bunny are so overdone.

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    1. why would a woman want to look like a whale??????? hahhah. baffling.

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  7. So many choices. Do they have sexy Mary Poppins? Because that would be very me...

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    1. I'm sure it exists and is just a google search away

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  8. SO. FUNNY. I wonder every year how these things exist,,,and yet, it wouldn't be Halloween without them!! Ugh, so crazy.

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    1. there's clearly a HUGE market for it. .

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  9. I love when you do these posts. They make me laugh so hard. I am also leaning that the sexy pizza and the sexy carrot are pretty much the same pattern, minus the crust.

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    1. Yeah, minus the jaunty carrot stem fascinator, they are all your basic tube dress with shit glued on it. You have sewing talent, I say you and the other lauren get together and start your own sweat shop. This is clearly a money making opportunity.

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  10. Well I'm dressing up as Mae West and using my own clothes. The only props I'm relying on are a blonde wig and vintage-era hat. Not sure if I will end up looking any less ridiculous than Amanda Bynes, er, I mean sexy mental patient.

    Alicia

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    1. Sounds adorable. Can't wait to see pictures.

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  11. DUDE. Your sexy Halloween costume posts always remind me of Mean Girls. :) These are ridiculous in amazing and wacky ways.

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    1. Seriously go get lost on that Costume site

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  12. Ha, love them! Sexy orca tickles my fancy... the Barney dress is just ugly and what's up with those fuzzy Ugg boot things? Odd.

    I can see some of the geeky ones (knight templar, terminator etc) making some guys drool, but it's a bit sad that seems sexy just means 'show everything you've got' to the costume designers.

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    1. The fuzzy weird muppet/fraggle feet were a reoccurring theme in LOTS of the costumes.

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  13. One of the best I've ever seen was at a party in college - Sexy Flo from the Progressive commercials.

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    1. Tons of people dress up like her. So random.

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